Overnight visitation for new fathers

This makes me very upset. I myself am about to embark on the family courts in Australia. I am a mother of a breastfed baby who is 7 months old. We attended mediation and her father wanted 7 days on 7 days off. Of course i didn't agree. He did very little looking after our daughter while we lived together now want 50\50. When asked how this was going to work with breastfeeding, he replied she can express.
I was advised by a lawyer to give him an overnight if she was going to come back alive to minimise conflict. Also because in his experience overnights had been granted to young babies 50% of the time.
Not sure how the courts will rule but i hope common sense prevails. I feel short regular visits are beneficial to start with increasing over time. I'm sure what ever the judge decides will be better than her father's poposil of 7 on 7 off.

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I agree this situation is bad. But also, a father doesn't have to earn the right to be a dad just because he doesn'thave the equipment to feed them. A mother automatically is the primary caregiver by the court's way of looking at it. They don't have to prove anything. They make all the decisions and the poor dad's have to live with it. Why don't mom's see that if a dad wants to be a part of a child's life that is a great thing. It is such a benefit to a child being well rounded,. Since nobody gets married and stays married anymore this is the best we can do as a society is to give the dad's bonding with an infant.

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I have read everybody's comments on this and agree to if the father abandoned the woman and child then they need to gradually go into the visitation- my son's exgirlfriend had his child in November of last year and we didn't find out she was born until Christmas Day. Mother wouldn't let him see her until finally she called him in January after he turned himself in to the child support office for a paternity test, with her knowing this child was his. So now he has to pay for 3 paternity tests that were uncalled for, she didn't want nothing from him before but is asking for the moon. This child has a first name, 2 middle names and a name that we don't know from being baptized in the Catholic church and she wants to hyphenate the two last names if she has to have ours. In court today my son was granted 4 hour visitation on Saturdays and Sundays with the mother bringing the child to his house and sitting while he visits the baby in another room so she can breastfeed. I have purchased the Aridi bottles and when we go to court in two weeks she will be asked to try those and if they work she will be made to pump and he will get weekend visitations. He has made the most gorgeous nursery in his home as the mother and child have to sleep in her mothers living room- child sleeping in a playpen- as they have no glass in the windows of their upstairs. So yes in this case mother should have to pump and let father have his paternal rights as he is about the only man I know that is trying to take care of his child the correct way!

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It is unfortunate how the courts just give men all these rights to babies when they originally abandoned the baby and mom. That says a lot about his character. Babies need mommy. I don't think mommy should keep the father away, but if mommy says baby doesn't go then baby should not go. Not all moms say no just to say no but have learned about the character of this man and other things revealed to her. When children get old enough to want to go that is when it should happen and not a moment sooner. We as adults like to sleep in our own homes so do we not think baby and toddlers not feel the same way? My daughter is so quiet out and then as soon as she gets home you can tell she is comfortable and knows where she is. It is not beneficial for babies, toddlers, and young children to be FORCED to spend the night away from home. No one should tell any woman to just pump. Not all women can pump, and it will KILL her milk supply. If a man and woman live in the same house hold why is it that the father doesn't need to be away from the mom to bond but when the parents aren't married it is automatically that the mother has to be away from the child in order for the father and child to bond. Everyone else has to come over to mom's house to spend time with the baby so why should the father be any different just because he was the sperm donor? Anyone who for with no reason wants to prematurely separate a mother and her child needs to be questioned. The baby's interest is clearly not number one. The baby has become a toy and chances are the father has baby fever and probably the father's overbearing mother. BABIES NEED MOMMY! Dads, you will have your chance, your children will need you later. Let the baby have his or her mommy right now. You will have a better relationship with your child if you do. There will be less tention between you and mom and she will be more willing to trust you with the child. Just because you are not in the infants life like you like doesn't mean it is over. Your child will eventually want you on his or her own, not because she is forced by some judge. Do you really want that to be the reason your child is spending time with you. Let the relationship between you and your child be built up over time, not you taking the baby from his or her own environment, routine, and most important MOMMY! She means the world to him or her right now, but you will definitely have your turn to shine in the child's spotlight. Baby seperation anxiety is very traumatic to a baby and toddler. They don't understand things and don't have the skills to reason. What they feel is abandonment from mommy or worse for you...he took me away from mommy. When baby returns to mommy 2 things that can make it harder on you and mom...1) he doesn't want to leave her side and will cling to her every moment of the day 2) resentment towards you; when he or she sees you they will not want to go or you will be seen as undesirable and it won't come out until years later on a psychiatrist couch. Do yourself and your child a favor dads and keep your family out of the court. If you decide to go to court know this, you WILL make a mess out of everyone's life not to mention you will be creating unnecessary bills for yourself and your child's mother. The part of love seeing is when men thing they are getting over by not helping out with the pregnancy and then want to come back around the court is going to get you if she had ANY kind of governmental assistance. Medicaid is no joke to pay back. If she had a C-section or any kinds of complications kiss ALL of your money away.

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remember fathers, ALL of your business comes out in court and some of it does not look favorable to a judge such as having more than woman pregnant at the same time. It doesn't make you look responsible.

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who do these Judges think they are? I hear this all the time. We need to fight for mothers. An young child needs to be with his mother. Judges get over yourself.

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How horrible for the mother (and baby). Six months is the worst time for this as the baby should have stranger anxiety. I hope the father can handle the baby without taking his frustrations out on the baby.

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Yes, this child needs time to get to know his father before being thrown into a totally new environment with a new schedule and a BOTTLE!! I'm in a similar situation. My new son is nearing 8 weeks old and his father is in the military (gone at least until Christmas 2008.) Our problem was that I was just given supervised visitation (which she may wish to have implemented for him) with my eleven year old daughter. My son and I will have to stay either with my daughter/her father/and his parents or in a hotel room, for each visit starting 2/1/08. I also breastfeed my child. I know exactly how that woman feels being told she MUST put the child on formula or send breastmilk. I believe that judge is acting illegally telling her how to feed her child. What if that child has never had a bottle to his lips?! and i do mean NEVER! What if that father decides formula is better even if mom is able to get enough milk pumped for the weekend!? OOOOOH! This makes me hot under the collar. I send my regards to that mother. May the Creator guide her and keep her and her son.

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That poor baby!
One of my daughter's didn't like strangers looking at her when she was 6 months old, let alone touch her. Plus, she would NOT take a bottle at 6 months.
I think that judge was wrong and must be a man.

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How awful. The more I learn about family courts the more disgusted I am. That poor, poor mother. Her other option was to continue to struggle, without assistance from the father. Instead she has to give up her baby for a weekend. What a mess. That would drive me to do something crazy.

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Lord, your story is making me cry. Mom's are the most important person in a baby's world, not any one else (sorry dad's, but that's the truth, you're not so critical until they're older). Recently I read an article that Desmond Morris (author of "the Naked Ape") believes the world would be better if women ran it. This story is a good argument for that, as the judge is, well, not serving the best interest of that infant, and in my eyes shouldn't be doing family court. The only way this would be okay is if the mom was abusive and/or drug addicted....

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That is just so WRONG.

I don't think I would have been able to keep quiet if I had witnessed that. I probably would have been arrested for contempt of court for interrupting or something.

Get some activists of some sort on that judges ass.

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This is just DISGUSTING! I am all for fathers having visitation rights, if they have proven themselves to be capable, and if it is handles correctly. An infant who has never been bottlefed should not have to just because an idiot judge decided that a deadbeat dad should be able to have overnight visits. This doesn't mean that a mother should be allowed to breastfeed exclusively for years in order to delay visitation (I know someone who tried this tactic.) I also don't think that the child should be released into the hands of a virtual stranger who is obviously ill-prepared to take care of such a young child. I am all for co-sleeping but the comment "Do you think we should buy a baby bed or can he just sleep with you?" makes my skin crawl!!!
I think that every child in every court case deserves to have impartial representaion by someone who has ONLY their best interests at heart and that this persons advice weighs heavily in the court's decision. My thoughts and prayers are with this poor woman.

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I agree that this is wrong. No child should suddenly be forced to spend time with someone he doesn't know, especially one who is only breastfeeding.

I want to know if the judge is going to pay for the formula and/or breast pump for this woman and baby?

That said, I do wish there was more attention paid to how many men are getting screwed by the family courts system, too, and how much of the choices in life (the child's life, and the adults' lives) are left essentially in the hands of the woman in these cases. I've seen both sides, and just wish the system was more fair and just to both sides, and really took the best interests of the children to heart.

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This is terribly disturbing. At the least this father should be required to complete some parenting classes and prove that he is competent to safely parent a child for that length of time. His absence for the first 6 months of the child's life cast some serious doubt on his responsibility and interest in parenting. This judge shows a shocking lack of interest in the comfort and safely of this child. Short visits would be understandable, but this confounds me. This poor mother must be beside herself.

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I am so disturbed by this on so many levels. As a mother of a 6 month old baby girl (and a 2 year old boy), the thought of handing over my (breastfed) baby to ANYONE for the weekend is hard enough, let alone someone the child has never had a relationship with. It is ultimately detrimental to the child's psychological welfare, and the mother's feeding capacity. How the heck is the child going to understand that her mother has not abandoned her. How is she going to *suddenly* drink from a bottle? (my daughter took a month to get used to one and still rejects it if she can smell my milk). And then to ask a mother not to feed for a whole weekend - well 'goodbye' milk supply. Pumping can never replace feeding and that poor lady will have to pump every couple hours just to keep her supply at an adequate level for the child to return to.

Can you call the LLL on this Judge's ass as I am sure that the ruling re the feeding is unlawful? As well as a proper child psychologist to assess the impact on the child regarding this sudden overnight visitation. I couldn't possibly sit by and watch this happen to a mother, and I doubt that in your heart of hearts, that you could either. My husband is looking at me incredulously and was extremely upset when I told him the story. I do hope that something gets done about this.

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I am so disturbed by this on so many levels. As a mother of a 6 month old baby girl (and a 2 year old boy), the thought of handing over my (breastfed) baby to ANYONE for the weekend is hard enough, let alone someone the child has never had a relationship with. It is ultimately detrimental to the child's psychological welfare, and the mother's feeding capacity. How the heck is the child going to understand that her mother has not abandoned her. How is she going to *suddenly* drink from a bottle? (my daughter took a month to get used to one and still rejects it if she can smell my milk). And then to ask a mother not to feed for a whole weekend - well 'goodbye' milk supply. Pumping can never replace feeding and that poor lady will have to pump every couple hours just to keep her supply at an adequate level for the child to return to.

Can you call the LLL on this Judge's ass as I am sure that the ruling re the feeding is unlawful? As well as a proper child psychologist to assess the impact on the child regarding this sudden overnight visitation. I couldn't possibly sit by and watch this happen to a mother, and I doubt that in your heart of hearts, that you could either. My husband is looking at me incredulously and was extremely upset when I told him the story. I do hope that something gets done about this.

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This is the same judge I had for my custody trial. I live in a small county and I can assure you, there is nothing that can be done about him. I have tried. It breaks my heart to see these cases in his court, but I keep going and watching because I'm hoping one day he will be voted out of office.

In this particular mother's case, she would have to hire an attorney and file a motion for new trial or appeal to get this order overturned and I doubt that could be done before the visitation date, even if she could afford a lawyer to do so.

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ps
my husband just reminded me about when my son was 5 months old. I had to go into hospital suddenly for 2 days due to appendicitis. My son was exclusively breastfed up to that point. My husband looked after him, so was a known caregiver who knew my son intimately (and vice versa).

It took 8 hours for my son to eat anything from a bottle (luckily I was well enough to express). He screamed for 12 hours. He wouldn't leave me when my husband visited me the next day, and had to be prised off screaming. He was unsettled for my entire stay in hospital. It took 2 weeks to regain my milk supply (despite pumping every 2 hours during my stay). My son screamed when leaving me for 2 months.

Maybe that might persuade you - please - to at least looking at doing something about this? I feel so helpless over here.

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I can't believe that this is even an issue! This father completely abandoned this child's mother before it was born and has not been there for child since birth. Now suddenly he has a change of heart and this poor baby is going to pay the price???!!! How horrible! That judge should take a parenting class! Anything, ANYONE has ever read, or been told by a pediatrician always says if you must change something of your routine in the baby's life to do it slowly. This poor child is going to do nothing but cry and be miserable the entire time he is away from his mother (the only parent he has known from birth). This mother obviously cares for the child enough to breast feed and the judge just throws that out the window. That alone tells me that this judge is not a parent, and if he/she is then they must be a horrible one! You can't just start formula or giving bottles of milk, not every woman has the milk stores to do so. And not every baby who is breastfed will take a bottle. Two of my three never would. I would suggest to this mother that she fights it and get a lawyer. Had she had a lawyer, this probably wouldn't have happened. I feel for this mother and child, they will be in my thoughts.

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