Seats on a plane

by Kristin Darguzas (Subscribe to Kristin Darguzas's posts) Jan 14th 2008 12:32PM

Last week I was on my way back from a one-day business trip.

These trips are always whirlwind: 4:00 AM wakeup calls, early to the airport. I never know if Customs is going to take fifteen minutes or an hour. I take these trips at least once a quarter and rely on my Mom and Nanny to tend to Nolan while I whip around in another city, meeting clients and giving presentations and trying to look like I know what I'm talking about. By the time I board the dinner-flight home, I have purple bags under my eyes, runs in my tights, and blistering heels. I pledge to never wear high-heels again and plead to the Universe that there will not be a baby beside me on the return flight home, so I can drool peacefully into the window in silence.

In fact, there usually is a baby beside me on the ride home, which is OK, really. I have been that parent on a plane many times myself, and I'm happy to help out, where I can. In the case this week, it was a forty-something father with his toddler daughter, and it was obviously his first trip alone with her. He fumbled with the bottle, he reassured her that she'd see Mama soon, and he periodically glanced over at me apologetically when she wailed.

We were crammed into the seats: the little girl by the window, he in the middle, and me on the aisle. The seats on airplanes seem to be getting continuously smaller and smaller: my legs were actually wedged up against the seat in front of me and it was impossible to shift or cross my legs without brandishing my knee into the back of the man in front of me. None of us had any room, and I felt bad for the Dad, trying to juggle sippy cups and crackers and a massive diaper bag with .6 inches between his leg and the seat.

So I was appalled when the woman in front of my seat mate reclined her chair all the way back and proceeded to sign in relaxation. The man and his giant diaper bag were now basically pinned in his seat, with absolutely no room to move.

"That is ridiculous," I muttered," She doesn't need to recline her seat that far."
"What's ridiculous is that the airlines provide this little room to begin with," he whispered back, and we wedged the diaper bag between our two chairs in an attempt to free up some room. Then the man in front of me decided to recline his seat, thereby slamming my kneecaps right up against the seat. I was pinned, too.

I sat wondering if I could ask the people in front of us to move their chairs back up, at least half-way. I didn't end up saying anything -- because I guess it's their right, but...do you think it's rude? Given that the airlines already sardine the passengers together, I never make it worse for the passenger behind me by reclining my own seat during a flight, no matter how much I crave the extra room. That extra room for me would mean serious wedging for the person behind me, and I'm very aware of that.

What's protocol here, traveling parents? Is reclining a right or a faux-pas?

Comments (32)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Eva 1-14-2008 @ 12:45PM

I think it is quite rude to recline, particularly with children behind you. I never recline, even on flights to Europe when I'm with my own child.

Nancy Toby 1-14-2008 @ 1:04PM

I think reclining the seat is a right, just like personal use of the tray table and air vent and reading light.

It's only a problem because the airline has reduced seat pitch so much. If it becomes a problem with you, file a complaint with the airline and don't fly it again.

rachel 1-14-2008 @ 5:46PM

I think it's funny that you said that it is a right for someone to recline their seat and a right for you to use the tray table, when in fact a reclined seat in front of you prevents you from using your tray table.

Nancy Toby 1-14-2008 @ 5:59PM

Uh, I've never had any trouble whatsoever using my tray when the seat in front is reclined. They're independent mechanisms.

If I were unable to use my tray, I'd call the flight attendant ASAP, because it would mean something is broken.

ame s 1-14-2008 @ 1:07PM

I think it is quite rude to forget there are people behind you while flying. If someone reclined so far back that their seat was touching my knees, I would absolutely say something. As for children being reclined on: I don't advocate rudeness or bad manners in children, but if someone reclined too far back on one of mine, I'd suggest they begin coughing without covering their mouths or frequently sighing heavily enough to ruffle that rude passenger's hair! :) (only half kidding, here, maybe on 1/4 kidding)

Jenn 1-14-2008 @ 1:10PM

On our first flight with our daughter (8 month infant), the airline insisted we had to sit in the very back of the plane because we had a lap child. You know, those seats that don't recline at all, because there's a wall behind them? And then the lady in front of us reclined HER seat all the way back.

I did not feel at all bad when my child started wacking at the chair back that was practically shoved in her face.

I know it is the airline's fault, and not the other passenger's, but still....a little awareness of the other people around you would be nice! We're all in it together, after all.

David 1-14-2008 @ 1:38PM

The airline offers seats with more room, and anyone is welcome to pay for them. The airline is going to offer the rest of us seats with as little room as they think we will pay for - any many of them will recline whether we think it is fair, reasonable and appropriate or not.
I am 6'6" tall. The seat in front of me on an airplane is already touching my knees. If I can, I make arrangements to sit in an exit row - something they don't want to let you do if you have a small child with you. When someone leans their chair back in front of me it immediately starts putting pressure on my knees. I inform them of this fact, and that I will not be able to accomodate their desire to recline. If they persist I immediately involve the stewardess. If I am flying with one of my small children (4 under 8 years of age), I explain to them that the seat in front of them may lean back and they should expect the possibility of it - but that kicking it or otherwise disturbing the other passengers is not an option.
Other passengers have just as much right to use the seat recline , light and air as I do to bringing a small child - whose ticket I pay for - on the plane. My child - and yours, are probably the greater nuisance.

Kerri 1-14-2008 @ 1:50PM

While I think that putting their seats in the reclining position is their right, I do think that a little common courtesty isn't wrong to ask for. When I fly, before putting my seat back, I check to see who is behind me. If it is going to pose a problem, I either do it very little or not at all. This works for me because the flights I take are never very long. For someone on a longer flight, I really have no words of wisdom for you. I'd say use your best judgement!

Ethel 1-14-2008 @ 3:30PM

In all my years of flying (and earning many free tickets that way) I personally feel reclining is only appropriate if you have no one behind you, period. Not even if you just got of the damn crab boat in Dutch Harbor and are afraid of flying, maybe especially then it's not appropriate. But then, I'm from Alaska where we fly an inordinate amount, and we tend to be more respectful of other folk's space.

The only reason we have a reclining feature is a leftover of the age of regulated flights, and a low sardine factor. If we started over and flights were packed as tightly as they are today that would never been a function except for those with deep pockets. Someone who reclines their seat has an overly huge ego and very little awareness of their impact of others, or they're such a prick they don't care. Either way, it is a sign of someone very poorly socialized where I come from.

Amanda 1-14-2008 @ 3:04PM

I've never had this happen to me, however, if I did encounter such a jerk I would ask as apologetically as possible if they would mind putting the seat up a little bit and if they failed to comply then I would simply have to become the world's biggest ass and encourage my child to reach over the seat and grab a handful of hair :D or be suddenly overcome with a fit of coughing, of the uncovered variety of course :D
a little tit for tat ya know.

Nicola 1-14-2008 @ 3:16PM

We fly frequently across country, every two to three months on average. I had never been pleased with the recliners prior to having a child, but now that I travel with a young one, I CAN NOT ACCEPT THE FACT THAT THEY HAVE ALLOWED THE RECLINING CHAIRS TO REMAIN IN OPERATION!!!

There is NO space between the seats when the person in front of you is fully upright. The minute that they recline, you have a seat in your lap. You can no longer move. Your child's tray table is pinning them to their seat, they can't shift or get comfortable. No, I say, NO! Airlines, are you reading this? The reclining chairs MUST be made a thing of the past.

For my part, if the person in front of my son is rude enough to recline their chair, then my three year old has free reign to kick, bump, and push on that seat until said rude passenger either takes the hint or simply gets fed up. Only once have I had a man turn around to confront me about my son "kicking his chair", at which point I was happy to demonstrate that by the mere act of SITTING IN HIS SEAT, my son's feet were IN THE BACK of the man's reclined chair. He put the chair up, there was no more kicking.

For those of you who feel that it is your "right" to recline. Give me a break. Looking out for yourself while ignoring the "rights" of everybody around you is socially unacceptable. Get over yourselves and leave your seat upright. Thank you for letting me vent on a topic which is very close to my heart!

Uly 1-14-2008 @ 3:44PM

When I was a kid, I went on a plane twice a summer with my sister, starting the end of Kindergarden.

And my sister would snap at me and not let me recline my seat (even a little!), and she'd snap at me and not let me tell the person in front of me to not recline *their* seat quite so far.

Gah.

I still don't recline my seat unless it's night-time and I've asked the person behind me, but I *will* inform people in front of me that they're leaving me with no space whatsoever, and that I would not behave so badly towards them.

jamie 1-14-2008 @ 3:55PM

i usually try to sit towards the front of the plane where you sit facing the wall instead of some stranger's head. then you have all the leg room you need, so you dont have to lay in some stranger's lap which i avoid, and you dont have anyone laying on you. i feel so bad for parents trying to fly with children.

CLM 1-14-2008 @ 5:44PM

Since the space between rows has become so narrow, I find myself constitutionally unable to recline my seat more than the merest smidge unless there is no one behind me. I am quite small (5'2") and feel absolutely wedged into my seat. I cannot imagine essentially squashing the (undoubtedly taller) person behind me. While it may be my "right" to recline, I believe that one's rights usually end at the point where they begin impinging upon another's.

Sarah in LA 1-14-2008 @ 5:49PM

When I fly, I try to be courteous to those around me, so I do not recline my seat all the way back. I will recline it some, but not all the way. It's about balance so that everyone is at least kind of comfortable. While it may be "my right" to recline my seat all the way back, for me I feel like it's the right thing to share the space as equally as possible.

I can tell you that even though I am only 5'1", it is a serious imposition when the person in front of me reclines their seat all the way - the seat does not crush my legs; instead it's smack in my face.

Meagan 1-14-2008 @ 6:38PM

Uhm I fly frequently, and I'm a little surprised by these comments to say the least. Do you think you might be exaggerating just a little bit? The seats only recline about ten degrees. My fiance is 6'4, and when the people in front of him recline their chair his knees aren't crushed. I'm not saying it's comfortable for him, but the difference seems marginal. I'm short, so I guess I can't claim too much experience, but I've certainly not experienced that the reclining seat in front of me is "right in my face" or "in my lap" and I've never had trouble opening my tray table.

Flying is undoubtedly uncomfortable, for everyone. That's why people recline their seats, to try to get a bit more comfortable. I find it amazing that people are calling people who recline their seats "rude" in the same line as describing how they do, or would like to, encourage their children to scream and pull hair and cough on strangers. I think Miss Manners would disagree with your definition of "rude."

anon 1-14-2008 @ 6:52PM

Wow, I am one of those horrible people who reclines the seat, I had no idea I was hated so much.

I do only recline on very early or late flights (when the lights are dimmed) because I am usually trying to sleep and I have a hard time sleeping completely upright.

Furthermore, every flight I have been on, the seats only recline about a max 3 inches anyway, (enough so that at the top of the seat, the front of my seat is about even with the back of the seat next to me), so I don't see that as a horrible imposition.

Yes, it is a little tighter when the person in front of me reclines, but really, its not that bad; and I don't begrudge them or maliciously kick their seat (or encourage my child to react rudely, seriously, what is wrong with some of you people?)

I have even flown with my 18 month old daughter on my lap, (full flight) with the person in front of me reclining, and it honestly didn't bother me. Space was definitely tight, but what do you expect in coach class? I even managed to find room to breastfeed her (now you can all hate me for that as well), it wasn't the most comfortable but it worked.

Anyway, I have little sympathy for someone who complains about "their space" being invaded by someone reclining the seat. Get over yourselves or buy a bigger seat.

SKL 1-14-2008 @ 7:54PM

Well, I have flown quite a number of times, on just about every airline, and frequently had the seat in front of me reclined. Never have I had any problem whatsoever with this. Maybe if I was super-tall, but most of us are not.

I have scoliosis and can't sit fully upright for a long time unless I have my feet up, which is rarely possible on the plane.

So yes, I recline my seat too, because honestly, it doesn't make that much difference to most people. If someone behind me had a kid running around, or any other obvious reason to be inconvenienced by a reclined seat, I would not recline, but otherwise, that's why they make the seats that way.

I think it's a lot worse when a hugely fat person sits in my damn lap because they are too inconsiderate to buy enough seat to fit their butt. I've had that happen a few times. Is it too politically incorrect to bitch about being flattened by a fat butt, versus just made a bit claustrophobic by a reclined chair?

callistawolf 1-14-2008 @ 9:23PM

This is quite the hot topic and one I blogged about vociferously after my trip home from BlogHer '07. I think it's one of those areas that people CAN recline, but maybe (just maybe) there are times they shouldn't. Human decency and all that. I never recline my seat because I don't want to do that to the person behind me. And, for the record, I too am tall and have limited room in those seats anyhow. If I had my druthers, I'd fly first class and enjoy the legroom!

Mamacita 1-14-2008 @ 8:30PM

Sorry. I can't even imagine trespassing onto someone's personal space just so I could be a little more comfy in my own space. My mother raised me not to intrude.

And if someone is THAT TIRED that they simply MUST LEAN BACK into the lap of the poor stranger stuck behind them, then that pushy person could probably sleep sitting up like the rest of us.

If someone wants to be able to stretch out or lean back or put his/her feet up, then that someone should shell out the big bucks for first class and let us po' folks sit upright without a stranger's rude head in our laps. You pay for a cheap seat, you get a cheap seat, and with the cheap seat come a few rules about good manners and keeping your body in your own space.

I wish the airlines would do away with reclining seats altogether so the selfish people wouldn't be tempted.

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