Bruce Reyes-Chow: The Importance of Making Memories With Our Children
Seats on a plane
Filed under: Just For Moms, Work Life
Last week I was on my way back from a one-day business trip. These trips are always whirlwind: 4:00 AM wakeup calls, early to the airport. I never know if Customs is going to take fifteen minutes or an hour. I take these trips at least once a quarter and rely on my Mom and Nanny to tend to Nolan while I whip around in another city, meeting clients and giving presentations and trying to look like I know what I'm talking about. By the time I board the dinner-flight home, I have purple bags under my eyes, runs in my tights, and blistering heels. I pledge to never wear high-heels again and plead to the Universe that there will not be a baby beside me on the return flight home, so I can drool peacefully into the window in silence.
In fact, there usually is a baby beside me on the ride home, which is OK, really. I have been that parent on a plane many times myself, and I'm happy to help out, where I can. In the case this week, it was a forty-something father with his toddler daughter, and it was obviously his first trip alone with her. He fumbled with the bottle, he reassured her that she'd see Mama soon, and he periodically glanced over at me apologetically when she wailed.
We were crammed into the seats: the little girl by the window, he in the middle, and me on the aisle. The seats on airplanes seem to be getting continuously smaller and smaller: my legs were actually wedged up against the seat in front of me and it was impossible to shift or cross my legs without brandishing my knee into the back of the man in front of me. None of us had any room, and I felt bad for the Dad, trying to juggle sippy cups and crackers and a massive diaper bag with .6 inches between his leg and the seat.
So I was appalled when the woman in front of my seat mate reclined her chair all the way back and proceeded to sign in relaxation. The man and his giant diaper bag were now basically pinned in his seat, with absolutely no room to move.
"That is ridiculous," I muttered," She doesn't need to recline her seat that far."
"What's ridiculous is that the airlines provide this little room to begin with," he whispered back, and we wedged the diaper bag between our two chairs in an attempt to free up some room. Then the man in front of me decided to recline his seat, thereby slamming my kneecaps right up against the seat. I was pinned, too.
I sat wondering if I could ask the people in front of us to move their chairs back up, at least half-way. I didn't end up saying anything -- because I guess it's their right, but...do you think it's rude? Given that the airlines already sardine the passengers together, I never make it worse for the passenger behind me by reclining my own seat during a flight, no matter how much I crave the extra room. That extra room for me would mean serious wedging for the person behind me, and I'm very aware of that.
What's protocol here, traveling parents? Is reclining a right or a faux-pas?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
1-15-2008 @ 8:55AM
Erika said...We recently were on a flight with our 20-month-old and there was a 20-month-old in front of us with her parents. I was thrilled that we had someone to commiserate with. But then they both reclined their seats. HUH??!?!? It is terribly inconvenient when someone reclines when we have our son (especially if he is banging into your seat...now he has less room, way to go), but I was horrified that these PARENTS did it to us. I wished the people in front of them would do it, but they didn't. DAMMIT! I agree, "it's a right", but why make it even tougher on the parents?
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1-15-2008 @ 10:08AM
ninainindia said...I honestly don't know on what sort of planes you all fly. I never have huge problems with people reclining in front of me. The seats don't go that far back!
I don't recline very often myself because I don't feel the need to, but I certainly don't mind other people making use of the equipment.
How can you say it is rude when the seats are made to recline? And having your child kick the chair in front of him is very rude! There is no excuse for teaching your child bad manners like that.
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1-15-2008 @ 2:10PM
Molly said...The folks in front of me have the right to lean their seat into my space if they so desire. What frustrates me is that they get irritated when I inevitably bump into their seat trying to get my toddler's toys out of her bag.
On the last trip I took with my daughter I had a woman turn around and glare at me after I bumped her seat. I honestly was trying to be careful, but there is just so little room! It's hard enough to travel with a toddler by yourself, so the last thing I need is my fellow passengers making the experience that less pleasant.
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1-15-2008 @ 3:06PM
Joanne said...If you recline your seat, you're an a**hole, has always been my rule of thumb.
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1-18-2008 @ 9:21PM
K. said...I have never in my life had the kind of problems described by some of you here, nor flown with or even seen a kind of plane seat that would recline in the way depicted ("their head in my lap!" please..)
But I do have a suggestion for those of you obviously bothered. Instead of fuming silently and/or passive-aggressively encouraging your child to kick the back of the seat in front of you, and then come home and rant pointlessly about it on the internet, how about politely tapping the shoulder of the reclining person in front of you and say: "Excuse me, when you´re reclining your seat all the way back like that my knees hurt/my small child lacks space to sit in/I can`t fold out my tray, would you mind terribly moving your seat back upright?
Because as incredible as it sounds, he/she most likely didn´t think: "Hm, I feel like being an ass...oh, I know! I´ll recline my seat all the way back and annoy whoever is sitting behind me!", but, like me and many of the other commenters here, have never felt inconvenienced by a reclining seat themselves, and have no idea that you´re being bothered by it, since, you know, you´re giving them no indication that anything is wrong by sulking about it to the person next to you, or writing about it on the Net when you get home.
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1-18-2008 @ 11:23PM
SKL said...K, you are right. Also, I can't help wondering if half of the commenters have ever even flown in the past 10 years.
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1-19-2008 @ 12:07PM
paqqap@live.com said...K, I was thinking the same thing as I read the comments. Generally, this site's writers and commentors are a bit much, but this hysteria is really unprecedented, even here! Now that I know that people such as this exist, I'll be sure to recline my seat as far back as I can just for the hell of it.
Further perplexing is the notion that a reclined seat is a huge imposition on a child. Why? Children's bodies are smaller! I love when my flight has kids - even when they whine or cry. Those are the sounds of life, you know? I don't understand why people get bitter about kids on a plan - their own or otherwise - nor do I understand why parents who fly with their kids feel that everyone has to accomodate their bottomless bag of toys. Generally, parents on this site feel that every other flier must bend over backwards just because there's a baby on board. Get over yourselves, people. Life is not that difficult. Fly and let fly.
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1-19-2008 @ 11:53AM
Mel said...K, you are absolutely right. Generally, this site and its writers and commentors are a bit much, but this hysteria is unprecedented!
Fly and let fly. Life's not that hard. Flying with your kids is not that hard. If you disagree, fly first class.
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1-19-2008 @ 12:24PM
Kristin said...Hmm. Interesting.
A) My knees really do touch the seat in front of me on many airlines, when the seat is really upright.
B) I don't think anyone was suggesting fellow air travelers need to "bend over backwards" for kids. Just to maybe be aware of their actions on other passengers.
C) I didn't say anything to the people in front of us because first, it mostly wasn't my problem (the Dad beside me was having the most trouble) and second, I contended that the person in front has a right to recline his/her seat -- although I don't necessarily think it's cool to do so.
Holy crap, the things that become controversial on this site never cease to amaze me.
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1-20-2008 @ 2:23PM
Uly said...Actually, paqqap, I believe most people would rather you did *not* bend over backwards when there are children behind you, but rather, would keep your seat in the upright position.
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1-22-2008 @ 12:02AM
john said...i can't believe the brouhaha about reclining seats! i am over 6 ft., and have never had a problem with people reclining their seats in front of me.
i ~hope~ the person in front of will recline their seat, if it will make them more comfortable.
i would feel extremely rude telling someone they could not recline their seat and make full use of the space they paid for, especially on a long flight.
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1-22-2008 @ 4:02PM
3boys said...It's true that the seat pitch (distance between seats) is much closer than when the reclining seats were designed. Most people know this and don't recline all-the-way. The airlines know this is a major problem with both recliners and non-recliners so they've taken the first step by requesting seat-backs up during meals. The seats should be redesigned so that when the seat reclines the seat and lower edge of the seat-back slides forward so each passenger has a trade-off between reclining and legroom and has no impact on the passenger behind. The top of the seat-back and seat-back-pocket should remain stationary. While I've heard many people say that most people are polite and will recline only partly if asked, I've noticed that only the young and very old will do so. The real issue here involves those reclining in the seats in front of children. When the seat in front is fully-reclined the top of the seat is typically directly above the front edge of the seat behind. This makes it very difficult to turn in the seat to face the child and attend to their needs and makes it impossible to retrieve items from the floor. I've had to crawl in from the aisle to get shoes and dropped items before. On a lufthansa flight once my son was actually unable to read because the fully-reclined seat-back in front of him blocked his reading light. The boomer in front just ignored my request to recline a little less. My estimate from personal observation is that on non-overnight flights only about 10% recline at all. People who complain about being places with babies and children should simply stay home. That is about as acceptable as complaining about minorities being near them. Often people moan and complain simply because they assume that having kids in their vacinity means the kids are misbehaving, when usually they are not. When parents spend too much time trying to keep kids still and quiet it sometimes backfires and makes the kids fussy. Kids should be allowed to be kids. As far as the "right" to recline goes it reminds me of a time at the beach in Florida. I was at a beach with very few people on it and an older gentleman with a metal detector came along and started getting a signal from his detector and digging right around where my very young children were playing. This was distressing for my children since there were no other people within 100 yards of us. I politely told him that the children where getting scared and could he please move on. Needless to say he wasn't happy and he wanted to know "how long did you own the beach". The point is he did have a right to treasure hunt on the beach but it was impolite to get in our personal space. Had the beach been more crowded than our personal space would have been smaller and the children would instinctively know it. On a loaded airplane personal space is very small. Small enough that to recline some is okay but full-reclining is impolite.
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