Tell the truth, celebs: pregnancy can suck

Filed under: Bump Watch, Celeb Kids, Celeb Parents, Behaving Badly

I just finished catching up on my gossip rag reading, and I must say, it wasn't very satisfying.

Celebrities are having babies left and right and mags are documenting it like it's groundbreaking news and, yeah, I know most of you say you hate reading about the godforsaken celebrity parenting debauchery -- but millions are in fact fascinated with the minutae of JLo's nursery and Halle's preggo belly. If not, the gossip mags would quit writing about them, already. I admit: I am a secret gossip monger, and don't have a problem reading about how much pregnancy weight Tori has lost, or how much post-partum depression Brooke struggled with. What I do mind is the near-continuous "All is roses! Love, love, pregnancy!" vibe that every pregnant star seems to perpetuate.

Halle Barry says she would like to be pregnant forever
. Jessica Alba says pregnancy is awesome. Can't one celebrity just admit that pregnancy sucked for her? That she felt bloated, and unattractive, weepy and cantankerous?

I remember when I was well into my second trimester, when my belly button popped out and a colleague popped into my office and congratulated me on my pregnancy, chortling heartily: "All this time, I just thought you were letting yourself go!" I held it together while he was in my office, but then hormonal, crappy, pregnant tears started drooling down my face.

Well, I had felt that way. My jeans chafed my belly button. I felt less respected as a competent career women, because my breasts were enormous and in the way and who the hell could take me seriously, as an intelligent company resource. when I had a pink bow dangling off the front of my sweater (incidentally: What is with the bows, maternity industry? What is with all the bows?) I felt truly unattractive, my skin broke out, and my butt became middle-aged overnight. I can say without hestitating that I was miserable for about 92% of my pregnancy.

What I wish is that a movie star would take the time during one of those all-important interviews to say: "Pregnancy sucked big time, I picked fights with my partner and sat in the bathroom and ate secret ice cream constantly. I wondered if I made an enormous mistake and felt some mornings I had." She'd be free to sum it up with an assurance that it's all worth it (because mind-bogglingly, it is), but I just yearn for a little bit of honesty. I was flummoxed that I didn't love pregnancy, partially because most women I knew celebrated it as a time of Glowing and All That Is Lovely. And I know it is, for many. But I also know it can suck big-time in pockets, and I wish that was acknowledged a little more by those in the mainstream media.

This whole "all is bliss" insistence reminds me of celebrities who declare that they eat french fries and gravy and donuts every day and weigh 97 pounds with no cellulite. If they just admitted the binged and purged and ate a piece of tofu every other day, wouldn't they have millions more fans?

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Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.