The parent social life dilemma
Categories: Love & sex, Money & work, Education
I remember a time when my social life involved long stemmed glasses, pointy shoes, dinner reservations past 8 p.m., or afternoons spent mountain biking/skiing/climbing, followed by pizza and beer. The marked difference between that time and my current state of social affairs was a general sort of calm, chaos-free vibe that has since been replaced.
By what, you might ask? By a passel of toddler/preschooler kiddos tearing through my house at break-neck speeds, yanking spoons out of each other's hands, giggling wildly on the couch, and playing ridiculous and nonsensical games of hide-and-go-seek.
See, since having Bean most of our friends have become friends with kids. This wasn't intentional. It happened in part because we moved to an entirely new state/city shortly after Bean was born, so our entire circle of friends had to be rebuilt from the ground up. And also because all of my ancient-history, girlfriends-that-will-be-in my-life-forever friends live inconveniently far away (on the other side of the continent, to be exact.)
Incidentally, none of them have babies (yet) either. So there's also that.
And whether I wanted it to happen or not (and I did not) there is something about becoming a parent that sets you apart. It's not that I'm not up for adventure, it's that adventure has an entirely different set of terms when a potty-training toddler who needs to be in bed by seven is involved. So yeah. Most of our local, and frequent friends are now of the parented type.
This has all been well and good for the most part. We've adapted to hosting toddler friendly dinner parties, and have learned to put any toy we don't want to see destroyed out of sight before a throng of kids descend upon our house. But recently we've been faced with a new dilemma: most of our friends are having second babies, while we are still firmly (and intentionally) in the singleton camp (for now.) This has meant that while we're just finally starting to have some semblance of a normal life again, our friends are circling back into the delirious realm of sleep deprivation and diapers.
So what I'm wondering is: will we ever be able to hang out with our friends without kids? Would it be totally out of line to ship Bean off to the grandparents, and attempt host a kid free (albeit, not baby free) dinner party?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
d. 1-14-2008 @ 1:42PM
from friend has kids that are 6 and 8 and they are old enough to play in basement and the living room is now an adult space.
i am all for the singleton club.....i want a life even though i love my little girl and thought about her years before she arrived!!
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Joy 1-14-2008 @ 2:17PM
Not only do I think you “can” have adult evenings, I think you “should.” Not all the time obviously but it’s nice to dress up a little and it’s nice to sit and relax and talk to other adults without all the activity that accompanies children.
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Judy 1-14-2008 @ 3:49PM
We've just been having trouble making friends at all since we moved here over a year ago. We've finally made friends with a childless couple, but it's hard because they are not always understanding when the baby wakes up and I have to put him back to sleep in the middle of a visit. Our friends with kids don't seem to understand OUR kids, and the fact that if they stay up late they turn into monsters, so it's not worth it to us to keep them up late for a little grown-up time (especially when a lot of their friends aren't really grown-ups). They also don't seem to get why we aren't willing to leave our kids with their babysitter, or a different last-minute sitter, someone our kids DON"T KNOW and we don't know well enough to trust. I'm not going to have any fun going out without the kids if I know they are freaked out from being left alone with someone they don't know!
But, yeah, someday grown-up time will happen for all of us, I hope. I sure would like to wear real heels and not worry about whether what I'm wearing is going to get pooped on.
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Jill 1-14-2008 @ 5:21PM
Hell yes! Hire one babysitter to watch two families and let the adults go out together. Hire a sitter to keep Bean upstairs while you enjoy adult-only company downstairs. Be the one that organizes a couples poker/bridge/bunco night or dinner group (we meet once a month, sometimes sharing a sitter, and only go to restaurants--no cooking!). You can't really become friends with adults when there are kids at everyone's ankles.
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v 1-14-2008 @ 5:40PM
We have a large group of friends, some with kids, some without. We have an annual Christmas dinner that has always been "kid free". We find a sitter (usually a family member... also have a tough time with the whole unknown sitter thing) and we go and enjoy ourselves. The one year we hosted, we had our daughter stay at a relative's home overnight. Nearly all the rest of the get togethers with our friends involve kids... birthday parties, BBQs, etc. But we also enjoy each other's kids and like interacting with them, watching them grow, and watching them interacting with one another.
On another note, we also have a "girl's weekend" once a year, where the husbands watch the kids and we go away for shopping, a spa, and lots of wine!
We occassionally have a tough time with other people understanding and respecting our bedtime routine. Either it's hard to leave their home or difficult to get them to leave ours!
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CLM 1-14-2008 @ 5:42PM
I think it is completely reasonable to pack off the kiddo(s) in order to host a dinner party. Our circle of friends include those with children, those without, and those whose children are grown. Our little guys go down for the night around 7pm right now, so we are currently able to host both child-friendly and child-free gatherings. Some of the other parents really like the excuse to go out without kids and not have to deal with an hour long wait somewhere on a Friday night. Mind you, we have kept our affairs pretty casual - no attempts yet at a full sit down dinner. One couple, who, like us, has twins and loves to entertain, hires a baby-sitter to keep an eye on things for their child-free events.
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