Military deployment and child custody

by Trish Robinson (Subscribe to Trish Robinson's posts) Jan 15th 2008 1:01PM

Categories: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Divorce & Custody, Fun & Activities, In The News, Childcare

Should military personnel risk losing custody when they are deployed? When single-parent soldiers get deployed, they voluntarily relinquish their rights as primary custody holder to another person. This temporary change in custody could mean that the child can be allowed to leave the state to live with a relative or the other parent. Many attorneys representing parents of active military members are concerned that these parents run the risk of losing permanent custody of their children. At the present time, there is no safeguard in the law to protect these parents from being sued for permanent custody of their children.

Prior to being deployed, a motion to modify the custody order is filed and a temporary change in custody is ordered while the parent is out of the country. However, in the case of a parent attempting to get permanent custody of the child, can this temporary change in custody be a stepping stone to doing so?

The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act protects deployed military personnel from being evicted or losing property from creditors, but it does not protect them from losing custody of children whom they were awarded during a divorce. Upon returning home after their deployment, most military personnel hope to return to the original custody agreement that was in place prior to their deployment.

However, many are returning home, only to be faced with being sued for custody and their active military status taken into consideration by the courts when making a decision. Some states, such as California, have laws in effect that do not consider active military service as a reason for modifying custody or a failure to comply with a visitation order. The California law does protect them from being sued for custody because of their military status, but does not protect them from their military status being held against them if sued for custody based on other reasons. There is currently a bill pending in the House of Representatives that would allow a temporary change in custody arrangement be put in place at the start of the parent's deployment, but upon the parent's return, their absence may not be a considering factor in determining the best interest of the child in a custody case.

Do you think it's reasonable to hold a parent's military status against them? Shouldn't a parent in the military be able to be deployed without facing the fear of returning home and face losing permanent custody of their child?

Comments (43)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 3)

Susan 2-03-2008 @ 11:45AM

My ex-daughter in law voluntarily joined the Army and is scheduled to leave for basic training next week. She hid this from us until yesterday when we were summoned to Court to modify a custody order. She has 4 children, 2 of which are my biological grandchildren age 4 and 5, and the other two children are 10 and 14 months (three different father's for the children). My son shares joint custody and she has physical custody and maintains his visitation schedule as well as child support and a home, clothing, room and all necessities for the boy's at his residence as well. HOW CAN A MOTHER OF 4 CHILDREN LEAVE HER CHILDREN AT A TENDER AGE AND ENLIST FOR 8 YEARS KNOWING THE EFFECTS THIS IS GOING TO HAVE ON THE CHILDREN FOR YEARS TO COME. Her answer, she'll get a college education and a bonus to help her buy a home. What about the children. We will fight to the end to keep the children with their father while she pursues her career she wants and left her children. The court's today already separated two of the 4 children from each other. YOU MADE A COMMITTMENT TO YOUR CHILDREN WHEN YOU GOT PREGNANT, YOU CHOSE THE MILITARY AND LEFT THEM BEHIND. Yes, military should run the risk of loosing their children they left behind.

why? 1-31-2008 @ 9:42AM

My niece is in the army, deployed to Iraq. I have custody of her son (6 years old). I do believe her miliarty status should be taken into consideration. In the last year she has been moved 4 times. Her son's father passed away before he was born, and she decided to join. My nephew did not sign up for this. He has finally ajusted, after a year. I don't think he should be up rooted again. I don't believe that no military person given custody of their child/children, but in some cases it isn't what is best for the child. He has already had to switch schools, make new friends, and deal with not seeing her. He truely become a part of our family. It would brake his heart, as well as ours and our children's if he left. It doesn't seem fair to him to have to say good bye and start over again.

george 2-29-2008 @ 8:52AM

After our child only being with her bioligical father for 6 months out of a year deployment, the judge refused to return her to our home, as she was now stable, she is 2 and half yrs old, and he has awareded a 1 week a month vistitation programme for us, which means that both us and her bio fatehr have to drive 4 hrs each, every 2nd and 3rd sunday to swap custody, how on earth can a judge think that this provides stability to a child.

We need help, and would be gratefull for any serious sesuggestions.

Jackson 3-19-2008 @ 3:32PM

I strongly believe that a single parent of the Armed Forces, with custody of his child(ren), should never be revoked because of their service obligation, however, I can see why in an INITIAL custody hearing their service should be considered. Nevertheless; to allow this to happen is a disgrace and is an ultimate violation against everything that we go over to fight for: The Protection, not just of our liberties, but of Our Loved Ones! I’m not an expert, but coming from a single parent household, I believe that children more often times adjust better then us adults. We say unstable, if you are going to use that argument, than you might as well argue that there shouldn’t ever be a 50/50 custody rule. To me that is a more of an unstable environment than having a parent leave for a year, for a great cause that the child will one day take pride in, only to return to as a parent who is more appreciative and loving to their child(ren) for having gone and seen what they’ve seen in a real “unstable” environment. Also, I don’t believe that just because a service member is deployed, that it means that they are completely unable to provide any emotional support for their child(ren); thanks to technology, service members can stay in consent contact with them via webcam. Finally, the military does not allow single parent members to join and that should be a standard for entry, as it is obvious of the dilemma it causes for active single parent members. Nevertheless, the question I ask is, if a parent who was already in the service obtained custody in the initial divorce, why take their custody away because our Country asked them to go protect the same laws that will punish them as parents for fulfilling that obligation? THE COURTS AWARDED THEM CUSTODY FOR A REASON!!!!

WM 4-01-2008 @ 2:06PM

If a married couple are together and the man is in germany and they live in the United states and the wife wants a divorce, and there was a custody battle for there two kids......does the man have a chance to leave the wife without her kids???

kathy suzzi 4-10-2008 @ 11:11PM

We just went to court today and the mother of my grandson got temp custody of my 3 year old grandson because she is the mother. she has seen him 3 times in 2.5 years and he has been raised by his father, grandfather, and myself. there was absolutely no consideration of anything other than she is his mother and my son is deploying to iraq 4/13/08. How is this a good situation for the child but again it is the soldiers payment for protecting our freedom.

kathy suzzi 4-10-2008 @ 11:11PM

I have to say if it was not for all our soldiers signing up would we enjoy our freedom in this country? why should someone who enlisted and is proud to go protect our country be punished by loosing thier children. this is messed up. it anyone thinks different think about what your life would be like if we did not have this protection from our soldiers

kathy suzzi 4-13-2008 @ 9:39PM

!!!!!!!!!!!!the amendment to the soldiers civil relief act has been signed into law. it was put on President bush's desk on 1/24/08, sign by bush on 1/28/08, and became law on 1/31/08 hope this will help. they added the words "including child custody"

Sandyone 1-15-2008 @ 2:04PM

"However, that does protect them from their military status being used as a factor in deciding what's best for a child if sued for custody."

Is this a typo? Should it say, "However, that does NOT protect...."

I'll hold my thoughts until that's clear.

trish 1-15-2008 @ 2:19PM

Sandyone, I was referring only to the California law, but I changed that sentence because it IS confusing, you're right. I meant that there is a law in California that states that someone cannot sue for a change in custody just because of a military member's deployment. It is not a basis to sue for a modification to the court order, but it can be used as a consideration in deciding custody if they are sued for another reason.

Jennifer 1-15-2008 @ 2:09PM

NO!!! NO! NO! NO! This kind of stuff is sooo wrong. This is why people are more and more unwilling to join our military (ok, this and the stupid war we are fighting.) Until we start treating our soldiers fairly we are going to see a drop in enlistment numbers. A person's military service shoiuld never be held against them (ok, almost never, there are special circumstances.) Custody orders were put in place for a reason and a temporary deployment during war time is not a valid reason for them to be challenged.

Karen 1-15-2008 @ 2:12PM

But the person that you have to consider is the child. I don't think it is punishing military people to look at deployment when considering child custody. The needs of the child come first. And parents aren't being deployed for just a couple of months, but some for as long as a year and some have multiple deployments.

We would consider the travel needs of any other parent, why not one in the military. Children need stability, and if two equally good parents want to raise the child, I'm likely to side with the one that is going to BE there. That doesn't mean I'm siding AGAINST the other parent, but that I'm more concerned about what is best for the child.

Mihir 1-15-2008 @ 2:04PM

"Should military personnel risk losing custody when they are deployed? ... Do you think it's reasonable to hold a parent's military status against them?"

these have to be the 2 dumbest questions I've ever seen in my life, anytime, anywhere.

of course the answer must be a resounding NO to both.

Karen 1-15-2008 @ 2:05PM

I think an active duty military person's deployment should be taken into consideration. Yes, they are honorable people making a great sacrafice, but what is most important is the child. Some parents make multiple deployments. If one parent traveled frequently for their job then that would be taken into consideration, so why not deployment? The child needs as much stability as possible.

If you two equally good parents and one leaves for 6 months or a year at a time...the one that stays home seems like a better choice to me.

Meagan 1-15-2008 @ 2:34PM

Ok... I realize I'm gunna get slammed for saying this but...

If a parent is deployed for ten months, or even six months at a time, isn't that sort of an unstable situation for the child? I've listened to stories of mothers and fathers who return from Iraq to have small children not recognize them. If you have two parents with all parenting abilities otherwise equal, but one of the parents is unable to PARENT the child for half the year because he or she is in the military it doesn't seem strange to me that this would be taken into consideration when determining custody.

I'm certainly no expert, but I assume that if a parent were traveling frequently, and long term, in a non-military job this would be considered when looking at custody.

Is this unfair to the parents who are serving our country? Absolutely. But every other time custody is discussed we talk first about the best interest of the child. Fair or not, I don't see how it's in the best interest of the child NOT to consider this.

trish 1-15-2008 @ 2:42PM

What if the parent leaves the child with another family member instead of the other parent? Should that other family member be given stronger consideration for custody because the parent is active in the military? These situations don't just apply to two parents, but a lot of military members are leaving their children with other family members, i.e. the grandparents.

Meagan 1-15-2008 @ 2:50PM

I don't know Trish. It's a good question and an unfortunate situation.

trish 1-15-2008 @ 2:55PM

That's the dilemma I'm having, because it does seem to make sense that one parent who is state side should have custody over one who is overseas for long periods of time. I am just doubtful that a custody dispute should take place when the child is left with another family member besides either parent. And yes, it's an unfortunate situation, I agree.

Sandyone 1-15-2008 @ 9:46PM

Yup...that's where it gets tricky...when the child is left with someone other than the other parent and that person wants to keep the child. This can happen to *married* parents in the military. Frankly, my parents would be in some serious trouble if they tried this one (not that they would...I do have five kids and they're no spring chickens!!).

Some folks get out of the military because it's not good for their children. We seriously considered it when we realized that one of our kids didn't deal very well with the moves. Turns out it was his age and he's done very well with the last few.

I don't like the question "is this fair to military parents?" Who the hell cares about the parents? Not me. Let's ask, "Is this fair to the KIDS?" There is no one answer. Some kids will fare just fine with a deployed parent. Others will suffer grave harm from it. Each case needs to be examined and the decision made individually.

You can't join the military if you're a single parent. If you become a single parent while in the military, you can get out. Parents have these choices...the trick is seriously considering them and realizing that the sacrifices aren't "maybes", they're "pretty definites".

If it comes down to losing your kids or your career, pick one. Your kid will be better off, whichever you choose.

mark 1-22-2008 @ 4:55AM

I have been to Iraq for seven months and I left a three month old boy. He was ten months when I returned and he didn't know who I was. It hurt my heart dearly and I've been home now for three months and he's finally comfortable with me. But when a person goes to war they sweat and bleed for not only their country but mainly to get back to their family. Yes the child's needs are important but to lose custody of your own blood after you have seen what I've seen is worse than the end of the world. I've been there and am still there and let me tell you a service member should always be able to maintain custody if they can present a solid plan on how thing are going to go when they return and if they dont' return home. We should at least be given a chance before any judgement is made. And if the children are old enough to articulate they should have a say as well.

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