Bruce Reyes-Chow: The Importance of Making Memories With Our Children
Military deployment and child custody
Filed under: Just For Moms, Just For Dads, Divorce & Custody, Activities: Babies, In The News, Childcare
Should military personnel risk losing custody when they are deployed? When single-parent soldiers get deployed, they voluntarily relinquish their rights as primary custody holder to another person. This temporary change in custody could mean that the child can be allowed to leave the state to live with a relative or the other parent. Many attorneys representing parents of active military members are concerned that these parents run the risk of losing permanent custody of their children. At the present time, there is no safeguard in the law to protect these parents from being sued for permanent custody of their children.Prior to being deployed, a motion to modify the custody order is filed and a temporary change in custody is ordered while the parent is out of the country. However, in the case of a parent attempting to get permanent custody of the child, can this temporary change in custody be a stepping stone to doing so?
The Servicemembers Civil Relief Act protects deployed military personnel from being evicted or losing property from creditors, but it does not protect them from losing custody of children whom they were awarded during a divorce. Upon returning home after their deployment, most military personnel hope to return to the original custody agreement that was in place prior to their deployment.
However, many are returning home, only to be faced with being sued for custody and their active military status taken into consideration by the courts when making a decision. Some states, such as California, have laws in effect that do not consider active military service as a reason for modifying custody or a failure to comply with a visitation order. The California law does protect them from being sued for custody because of their military status, but does not protect them from their military status being held against them if sued for custody based on other reasons. There is currently a bill pending in the House of Representatives that would allow a temporary change in custody arrangement be put in place at the start of the parent's deployment, but upon the parent's return, their absence may not be a considering factor in determining the best interest of the child in a custody case.
Do you think it's reasonable to hold a parent's military status against them? Shouldn't a parent in the military be able to be deployed without facing the fear of returning home and face losing permanent custody of their child?
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ReaderComments (Page 3 of 3)
1-15-2008 @ 9:23PM
SKL said...I think you first look at what's best for the child. It won't be the same in every situation. But honestly, if you have a single parent who chooses a career that may take him/her away from the child, you are putting the child at risk. In some cases, it might still be better than giving custody to the other parent, but all things remaining equal, I would think not. If a non-military divorced parent had a job that required being away from the child for long periods of time, I think most people would say that should be taken into account. The fact that it's military may mean we're talking about someone who's serving our country, but frankly, that's not the point. The point is, what is the best arrangement to make sure the child's needs are being met - including the need for a parent's affection and attention?
Reply
1-16-2008 @ 2:06PM
the goddess anna said...I'm thinking Sandyone has a serious beef with mothers in the military. I was not given the chance to get out when I was pregnant, I was told that's no longer really an option and that a woman recieves a lesser discharge for taking that route. Now maybe the Navy is just trying to be different, but I was treated no differently after becoming a mother than before. Even when I hedged on my Family Care Plan (couldn't remember that earlier), I was told I'd be sent to DRB, then mast before they'd look to kick me out - meaning they were doing everything they could to keep me in. I was always able to be there for my daughter (the twins were born after I got out), and she was and is proud that I served in the military.
I think mothers should stay in the military, because there is no reason that they shouldn't. Heck, if we could, I'd go back in and my husband would get out, because he makes the better sahp and I make a darn good military member (I miss my job). My mother managed quite fine in her military service too, being either single or with her partner (which the Army didn't know about, she being gay and all), and she's still proud that she was able to do it all. For reference, she was active duty in the late 70's and early 80's. Times have changed, and parents have a place in today's military, no matter what you think of how the current administration is using it.
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1-21-2008 @ 9:35AM
Sandyone said...While I have many years of experience with the military both as a service member and as a military spouse, concern for parental rights versus children's rights is the issue here.
The nature of the vocation our military members are called to is difficult to balance with family life, even in two-parent families where only one serves in the military. The military is not simply a job that people do. It is a way of life, and members are regularly reminded that they are on salary rather than hourly pay, and they must be available at any hour of every day, and there is no such thing as a guaranteed weekend or holiday. The demands and hours of the military are identical to the demands and hours of parental service. Two vocations that demand 100% all the time are not compatible. When one of them has to give, the simplest answer is to have the family give way to the military simply because families will endure the situation out of love for the military member. While the U.S. military cares about its service members, the mission always comes first and love is not a factor from an organizational perspective.
The single parent in the military is not a new issue. Regulations vary by service, however a single parent can separate from the military rather than remain part of an organization that does not hide the fact that its members are required to be deployable, often on extremely short notice.
While I was extremely satisfied with my life as a military member, I separated from the military in order to provide the stable home life that I advocate for children. My husband and I discussed all of the information above before we were married, and agreed that one of us would separate as soon as the first child arrived. As he puts it, when the time came, I won and he stayed in. While long irregular hours and sudden deployments are difficult for our family, they are bearable for our children because of the stability provided by a parent's presence. Children have a right to stability in their lives, and this stability is possibly even more important in families experiencing the stress that accompanies regularly being uprooted by changes in duty stations.
I think you were BSed, Anna. There are all kinds of unscrupulous people in the military. They often talk out their posteriors just to make life difficult for others. Sometimes they talk just to try to make life easier for others. In either case, anyone looking to end their contract early should get a copy of the regulation, research which discharge possibilities might apply to them and then choose the best option. Knowledge is power.