My sister and I have sons close to the same age. The only time we ever comment on any parenting style is when the other asks for advice. But we both come from the same mom, and we have very similar styles. Our sister-in-law on the other hand is quite different and disagrees with us on almost everything, and vice versa. How do we deal with it? We avoid the subject to avoid battles. Like politics, we know the subject is not to be brought up because we are all hot-headed stubborn people.

I think my sister and I have a good sharing relationship when it comes to parenting, but it's easy when you agree on everything, and even if we differ, we both make a point of not using judging words or criticizing each other.

Cheryl at http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com

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I think siblings are just as likely as good friends to keep their opinions to themselves, unless invited to share. My siblings are more likely to ask a question like "why do you do it that way / how does that work?" rather than make a judgmental statement.

I think if you have a bunch of siblings, one thing you realize is that every child is different, and the identical parenting techniques don't have the same effects on different children. (Otherwise, why aren't we all doing the same things?) So, whatever works.

I do sense some rivalry when it comes to my sisters-in-law. For example, both of their kids refused to poop in the potty until around age four, while both of my one-year-olds reliably go in the potty. When one SIL heard this (from my mom), she was visibly taken aback, and started giving all kinds of excuses for her kid. Honestly, I think her kid is great - I'm very proud of my niece, and I never thought of looking down at my SIL for not potty training faster. Everyone's different! (And besides, I used an approach she probably never heard of.) But, I am going to be very careful what I tell her in the future. I begin to understand why my mom mostly shared the bad stuff about us kids and kept the good stuff to herself.

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oohhh skl please share your approach to potty training, I am very inerested.

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Actually some of us parents out there are relaxed and easy going in regard to parenting 'issues' - and don't really care what others are doing except to learn of things that we want to improve about our own parenting. Seriously. I simply don't care if someone wants to do ____ or _____ with their child even though I'm doing _____. REALLY!

Do you really care how someone ELSE is going to give birth? Really? Wow. May I ask why? How does it affect you?

I'm not for vaccination (for my child) but I could seriously care less if every single mother I know vaccinates her kids. My choice is my choice. Why would I care what someone else is doing?

I think the only unrelaxed part of my parenting is feeling like I have to explain why I made the choices I did as there are so many women out there just ready to attack. All because they care so much about what others are doing. Do they really? Or is it just a big competition? I'll never know.

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My sister and I are both pregnant right now. She is due in May while I am due in August. It took almost a year for me to get pregnant and hers was an "oops" moment (though she wasn't expected to be able to get pregnant w/o some serious medical intervention.) I definitely force my opinions on her...lol...then again I have been doing that since she entered my life 29+ years ago. We do agree about most things so it isn't a huge issue, after all we were raised by the same parents. I am slowly changing her mind on other things (cloth diapers) and the rest we shall see...no skin off my back if she listens to me or not, I'm used to it by now. :-)

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I do a lot of AP parenting. My sisters HATE that! And my oldest son was the first baby of our family. I have learned that if I want to discuss something with my sisters (like why I don't like circ'ing) I'm a judgmental a$$hole. But, whatever parenting practice my sisters don't agree with means I'm a bad parent and I'm ruining my son - and they tell me so.

We used time-outs - my sister said that because I wasn't coming down harder on my older son (ie spanking and screaming) it was my fault he expressed his emotions physically (hitting when a cousin stole a toy, pushing when he was scared, hugging too hard and long when he wanted to express love - you know, normal toddler and preschooler behaviour as they learn social rules).

We co-slept - my sisters think that I'm coddling my boys, that they'll "never" sleep on their own or sleep properly (even though the week he began JK, my older son happily began sleeping in his bed and going to bed at 7:30 every night after a lifetime of falling asleep with me whenever he was tired).

We babywear - my sisters think my sons will never be independent, that they'll never be able to sleep on their own, blah blah blah. Well, happily, my oldest son has never required hawk-like supervision, rarely getting into trouble, is happy and smart.

I write a webpage where I talk about my experiences as a mom - my sisters think that the things I do as a parent are patently offensive and because they are uncomfortable with my choices, so must all other people be.

I try hard to give them the benefit of the doubt and forgive them for being narrow-minded. But, I rarely discuss my or their parenting or even theoretical parenting issues with them.

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I will agree that anything more than 10% different from the standard method will get a horrified reaction from some of my siblings - but that's just their personality. Like the fact that I feed my kids organic food. You would think I was bathing them in ice water. But, usually these reactions come from sibs who don't have any children themselves.

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Lauren, I'd be happy to share what works for me as far as potty training, and apologize for going way off topic.

1) Google EC and diaper-free baby.

2) Buy Baby Bjorn "little potties" ($10 each) for wherever you will be when your little one needs to go.

3) Pay attention to when your kid poops (mine do it after feedings).

4) Put baby on potty when he's likely to poop, and at the same time, you go on the toilet too, and talk about what it's all about. Make sounds like what you want him to do. Later, give him something to do (while sitting) if he gets distracted quickly.

5) Convince yourself that this is not for YOU, it is for HIM. Then there is no reason for it to be a power struggle. (If you start early enough, magic amaze-o, the child will not get off the potty because it's fun to sit on and he doesn't have the ability to get off anyway.)

6) If he goes, he's a "big boy." Again, this is about him, not what YOU want. He is gaining control over how clean his butt is. Success is its own reward. Put the poo / pee in the toilet and flush in his presence (we say "bye-bye . . . all-gone").

7) If he goes in his diaper, take him to the bathroom, remove the diaper, and put the poop in the toilet. It ALWAYS ends up in the toilet. Then put him on the potty in case he has more to do, and then clean his butt and put on a dry diaper as usual. Talk about how nice it is to have a clean, dry butt / diaper.

8) Watch for signs that he's about to go. Encourage him to adopt a particular mode of communicating this (my daughter has a way of moving her hands / fingers when it's time). When you see the sign, take him immediately so he can experience success / control.

9) When he is able, encourage him to go to the potty versus you carrying him there.

10) Go as often as you need to meet the goal you are shooting for (control of poop only, or poop and pee).

I started when my girls were 9.5 and 12.5 months old. I had pee in the potty on the first try, and poop on the second day. Within about two weeks, I had nearly 100% poop in the potty for the 13-month-old, and nearly 100% in the daytime for the 10-month-old. They pee in the potty too, but I am waiting until they can get around better before I start shooting for 100% pee. (We don't go potty often enough for that yet.) Still, some days I use only one diaper for my older baby (now 15 months old).

Some will say my kids are not trained, I am. I say, they are learning: they do hold their poo (and sometimes pee), communicate when they need to go, understand where poop is supposed to go, and prefer a clean butt. To the extent I'm also trained, what's wrong with that? I'm trained to feed them at a certain time, bathe them, ect., why does potty training have to be 100% their effort? (If you ask me, it's because some Freudian pervert has convinced parents that their kids will become psychotic if they don't handle excretions exactly the right way. It's one of the few bits of bad advice from the mid-1900's that has not yet been thoroughly debunked.)

Anyhoo, good luck to everyone, and I could use some too, since I know we still have a way to go.

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As the youngest of 4 girls I've long ago stereotyped all my oldersisters, so dont bother challenging ther opinions the way i feel comfortably with my friends(who unfortunatly arnt moms. my older sister has Pysch prolems so chalanging her is dangerious, my middle sister spoiled me rotten an so I tend to view her has an angel, (her kids are all great, except the oldest whose entering puberty) and my closest sistet has proved over and over, that she's always right. which makes me always wrong. her 2 year old speeks full sentaces in proper english, my 2&1/2 yr old barly says da-da.
but with my friends, and 2 of my brothers in law, the debates get involed, quite involved and lengty, but realy heated.

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