Baby shower for number three?
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My friend is expecting a baby in a few months and I talked to her this morning about a baby shower. She's due in March and because it is her third child and her third girl, she needs almost nothing when it comes to baby supplies. She has tons of clothes and blankets and all the other things a new baby needs. Because of that, she says she would feel uncomfortable having a baby shower.
I think this is just wrong. To me, a baby shower isn't just about getting stuff, but is also about celebrating this new life. It is a day for her to feel special and pampered and for her friends to share in the excitement of her new child. I want to give her a shower, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable and force her to receive gifts she doesn't need or want.
What do you think? Should I throw a "no-gifts" party and hope the guests abide by it? Or perhaps a party where guests bring gifts for a charity of her choosing? Or should I just forget about the whole thing? I don't think she should be denied a party just because she's done this twice before. What do you think?
I think this is just wrong. To me, a baby shower isn't just about getting stuff, but is also about celebrating this new life. It is a day for her to feel special and pampered and for her friends to share in the excitement of her new child. I want to give her a shower, but I don't want to make her uncomfortable and force her to receive gifts she doesn't need or want.
What do you think? Should I throw a "no-gifts" party and hope the guests abide by it? Or perhaps a party where guests bring gifts for a charity of her choosing? Or should I just forget about the whole thing? I don't think she should be denied a party just because she's done this twice before. What do you think?











ReaderComments (Page 1 of 2)
1-31-2008 @ 2:30PM
Sara said...I definitely don't think a traditional baby shower is necessary. But if you want to throw her some kind of party I'd say request no gifts, or just disposables like diapers and wipes, or do something where everyone brings a freezable dinner dish (along with the recipe so they can make it again if they like it) so she doesn't have to cook for the first few weeks.
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1-31-2008 @ 2:32PM
ame s said...I think a party should be hosted for her since she doesn't want/need the traditional baby shower. How about a party that focuses on gifts for her? A couple of nice "nursing" gowns if she plans to breastfeed, a lounging outfit to wear home from the hospital, and bath products just for her would be nice. Pre-paid pizza delivery and several friends agreeing to bring dinner during the new baby's first week home would be appreciated, I'm sure.
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1-31-2008 @ 2:32PM
Tami said...You could throw her a "diaper shower" and basically give her any disposable items that babies use. You can also give her things like gift cards to grocery stores and/or mother pampering gifts (hired house cleaning, massage, etc.). There are still lots of good things to give a mom and baby at the third shower. As you can tell, I'm also in the celebrate every birth camp.
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1-31-2008 @ 2:39PM
Serena said...I'd suggest throwing a *welcome baby* party once the child has arrived. People will be wanting to come by and likely have gifts for the child at that time anyway. That way you'll be celebrating the new arrival without making Mom uncomfortable.
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1-31-2008 @ 2:48PM
toni said...my first thought when i read this was what my mom and grandma always said, "You only have a shower for your first baby." I think any woman having a baby deserves a party in their honor...whether there are other kids or not. I think that since your friend has everything she needs, you should throw a party to celebrate the new life. Note on the invite that in lieu of gifts please send a donation to "this" charity. Then also note if people feel they must purchase something, "disposable gifts preferred" or something of the sort. And what about doing it as a surprise so she doesnt feel guilty or bad about it? Just some ideas. =)
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1-31-2008 @ 2:48PM
Eva said...Yes, I think a "sip and see" is more appropriate, like Serena said.
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1-31-2008 @ 2:51PM
d. said...why not have a shower where everyone brings a frozen entre for her and the family after the baby is born?? that way people feel like bringing a gift and can bring something fancy or just an $8 lasgna??
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1-31-2008 @ 2:50PM
Summer said...I definitely agree with you, Sandy.
I think EVERY child deserves a baby shower. I love the suggestions given above! Since she does not need most of the typical shower things, give her the things she does need!
For me (I also have 3 girls), I had a shower for each one & since my last 2 were 7 years apart, I needed EVERYTHING again (I had given it all away!). So, I loved having a shower for my 3rd baby.
I encourage all of my friends to have showers for their subsequent children, too. Gifts can be optional or not included at all... the point is to celebrate the coming child AND the woman who is about to undergo (yet another) MAJOR life change!
=)
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1-31-2008 @ 2:58PM
RobMonroe said...There are so many families that DO need things for their babies - I am a big fan of bringing gifts - but being clear in advance that they will go to a charity.
The focus should indeed be on the mother and celebrating the new arrival, but there is always an opportunity to do good for the greater community.
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1-31-2008 @ 3:01PM
mamaloo said...I love the idea of having everyone bring a frozen meal to help out with the post partum time.
A couple other ideas:
-every woman brings a bead and all the gift beads are strung together as a gift to the new baby or for use as a labour tool (inspiration, meditation...)
-every woman brings a small letter for the new baby to be collected in a scrapbook. The letters could be words of encouragement and wisdom, tales from each woman's own past or something similar
-instead of gifts for the mother, bring consumable gifts that can then be donated to a local women's shelter or teen pregnancy centre
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1-31-2008 @ 3:07PM
Renee Douglas said...I think a baby shower for a third baby IS a great idea! Many times people will give a "diaper shower" for the moms since they already have so many other baby things. This way the mom will still get a party, lots of cards to save for baby's book, and won't have to buy diapers for a long time.
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1-31-2008 @ 3:25PM
Michelle said...The only thing that I would hesitate over in doing a "sip and see" is thinking about how those first few weeks are - do you really want a new mom (or new again mom) stressing over fitting into something, getting out of the house with a newborn at a certain time, having lots of people want to hold/touch the baby, etc. I know it would have stressed me out!
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1-31-2008 @ 4:13PM
isisaquaria said...Agree totally, i would have never wanted to have a newborn exposed to so many people that soon.
1-31-2008 @ 3:50PM
jesser said...I don't know if this would be your style, but we threw my friend a "belly blessing" and brought in a Henna artist for her second baby-shower, so it really wasn't so baby-centric. Everyone got some Henna art done and yes, a few people brought gifts (and they will, whether you request a no-gift part or not) ... and it was just very fun and relaxing.
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1-31-2008 @ 3:41PM
Amanda said...I really like the diaper shower idea, that way you can include dad and it can be a co-ed party or just have a tea if you want it to be all ladies.
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1-31-2008 @ 3:44PM
isisaquaria said...I have never had a shower(rejected the idea for both children) and if she doesn't want one abide by her wishes. My mother attempted to throw the first one as a surprise and my friends who knew I didn't want it-gave me the heads up and I went to the spa instead. The birth of a child is handled by everyone individually. I personally wanted to do everything for the arrival of my girls. I, to this day, do not expect and often do not accept gifts not pre-approved or bought in my pressence. Most of my friends don't either. Too many people feel obligated to use items they normally wouldn't for the child. And, not having a shower is the best way to keep all the details a secret.
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1-31-2008 @ 10:31PM
Sandyone said...A freezer meal shower is great fun and very practical for the mom of several.
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1-31-2008 @ 4:10PM
americangirl67 said...I think baby showers, began with the focus on providing the first-time mother with baby essentials that would strain the budget of the expectant parents if they were they to purchase it all themselves. It may be a regional thing, or my small southern town may be behind the times, but around here, you only get more than one big shower if there's a huge gap between babies, though many times close friends will have more intimate shower/celebrations with subsequent children. As a side note, it used to be considered a huge breach of etiquette for family members of the expectant mother to throw the shower, but now it's pretty routine, for the expectant grandmother to do it.
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1-31-2008 @ 4:32PM
SKL said...A Pamper shower (as they called it in my mom's day) or a no-gift party.
I had a "no gifts please" party for my wee one's first birthday / welcome home for both girls. A few people brought gifts anyway, but it was much nicer to not have gifts (we didn't need anything). It was nice to be able to invite anyone who would be interested in the babies - including lots of people from whom I don't feel comfortable receiving gifts (folks who work for me, etc.). There was no need to do the whole gift opening thing, which to be honest is stressful/embarrassing for the recipient and boring to everyone else. Instead we could focus on food, conversation, and the girls.
For my shower (which was "with gifts" since I was having my first TWO), we asked everyone to do a scrapbook page for the girls. This would be even more appropriate in a no-gift shower, since at least the people can feel happy that they left something nice and memorable for the baby.
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1-31-2008 @ 4:35PM
LLN said...I only had a shower for my first (of two) babies. I would honestly be taken aback to be invited to a shower for someone who was having a third child. HOWEVER, I do think it's a great idea to throw a party (don't call it a shower) with no gifts to celebrate. Another idea is to have people bring baby gifts and donate them to a charity -- just a thought.
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