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The Love List
Filed under: Alcohol & Drugs, That's Entertainment, Sex
It's not often that I'm able to catch Oprah. (Shocking I know! A SAHM doesn't watch Oprah and eat bonbons every day at 4 pm?) But sometimes nap schedules align and I get a moment to find out what's happening at Harpo Studios. Wednesday's show was about how changing your thinking could change your life. Martha Beck was on the show discussing Alice Gorman's article in O Magazine called "The Love List".
I have to tell you that I believe in the Love List concept, because it worked for me. About 12 years ago, I sat in a cafe with a girlfriend and wrote down a list of what I wanted in a longterm partner on the back of a business card. I kept that card in my wallet for years, forgetting about it, but taking it out every now and again to remind myself of what I wanted. Eventually, tired of dating what I called "One-Date Wonders," I made a resolution to stop dating and focus on myself. Then, two years later, I sat next to my friend Jan Anthony Silverthorne on a college bus trip and my resolution was axed. I had met my soulmate. In fact, he was right in front of me all that time.
The thing that got me through the years of dating losers (and the years of dating no one!) was a shirt I had with the slogan: If you want to find a needle in a haystack, go out, have fun, and it will find you. I believe that you need to spend each day living your life the best you can. Eventually that attitude will draw out the things that your heart truly desires.
If you're interested, I recommend reading Martha Beck's article on the subject. The key to the success of these lists, in Beck's words, "depends on the level of awareness from which you write it."
So what about you? Have your lists magically come true? Do you use lists to establish life goals? Or is it all just hokey garbage?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-07-2008 @ 11:16AM
Amy said...I totally did this, and it worked. My husband has every single quality that I listed, except that he isn't at all musical, and I had thought I wanted a musical guy. He matched every last one of the other 25 or so attributes I had listed.
I don't think it's magic, so much as it's distilling the great pond of available characteristics down to the dozen or so that are most important to you, and then being able to recognize someone who possesses them when he or she shows up.
It's like grocery shopping, really. When you just stop at the store for "a few things" you end up with a bunch of stuff you don't really want or need. But when you have a list, you recognize the items you want and need more quickly and easily, you get through the store faster, and you don't end up with a lot of bad-for-you stuff that you don't want to deal with.
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
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2-07-2008 @ 12:34PM
kate said...I did this, in the form of match.com....everyone asks how I found my soul mate on-line, but the thing is, I was SO specific about what I wanted: quirky, intellectual, witty, Jewish (even though I'm not), tall, funny, and on and on. We found each other and he's even BETTER than I'd hoped for. In fact, we're getting married one year from today. Woohoo!
Whether you call it "manifest destiny" or "creative imaging" or whatever, it's about knowing what you want, asking for it and not settling for less.
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2-07-2008 @ 3:22PM
toni said...i write lists that include what i want to accomplish in my life...sometimes they come true (usually) and other times they do not. i attribute the failed lists to items/situations i probably didnt need to start with.
the way i met my hubby was sudden and unexpected. i had recently exited a relationship and when it was finished, it was obvious what i wanted because so few of my needs had been met previously. i decided to be single but wrote a list of traits my "ideal mate" should have. 6 weeks later i was at an afternoon party at my favorite restaurant with my girlfriends and this man kinda threw himself at me. he was really cute but no one i would have gone for in the past. i humored him but left without saying goodbye. i couldnt stop thinking about him and went back to give him my number the next day. (he was the new chef at the restaurant that had just moved from another city.) we called a few days later and we talked for over 6 hours (after my son had gone to bed.) that went on for a few days until we were able to schedule a date. we've been a couple ever since and now expecting our first baby.
he is loving, understanding, caring, good to my son, trustworthy, honorable, affectionate.....basically everything i put out there (on the list) and more. this WORKS!
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2-08-2008 @ 9:58PM
isisaquaria said...This is funny..growing up I made a list (for looks)
1. Long, dark wavy hair my husband came from a strict family and then joined the military-if his hair was longer than an inch on top- he was born with it and they cut it before they left the hosp. Some much for that one
2. Muscles and roughly same height-While he is fit, not muscular and I am 5'3" and he is 6' Number two down.
3. Deep Blue Eyes---His eyes are med brn--At least, I'm 3 for 3.
As for the personality, dead on--I give him a hard time constantly though--I, jokingly, tell him he is my dream man but he needs plastic surgery to be my perfect man.
I get this look, and then I get wrapped in his eyes and say nah-too expensive (LOL)
Honestly, he is exactly who I want I just didn't know it until I saw him.
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2-12-2008 @ 2:04PM
Denise Pederson said...I want to echo what Martha Beck says in her article. The Love List has to come from your core and its success depends on the level from which you write it. The “magic” comes from being intentional about what aligns with your real beliefs and values, and I also believe that the higher a woman’s self worth is, the more accurately she will assess the best characteristics to match with. Now, finding the man of your dreams will be like being in the process of buying a new car. Now you notice lots of the same car on the road. You didn’t before. The same number of cars are there - - you just notice them because that is what is on the top of your mind. Understanding own personal perception drivers will help immensely too. If you are interested in that please go to http://blog.coach-companion.com/oprahslovelist.
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