Getting dumped by the Nanny

I'd ask her. If it's just a money thing, and she's having trouble finding another kid to be a nanny to, perhaps you could help find the other child?

But perhaps she's working on a career change. I know that must be so hard. Feeling good about your child's caretaker is huge.

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Personally, I would find her another charge, and quick. Maybe a friend of yours has a child that needs a nanny as well.

That's probably not the most mature thing to do, but a good care provider is gold. I'd find them, then say, "Someone called about a reference for you. However, if you're still interested in being a nanny, here's the number of someone who's looking."

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Figure out how to help her earn more money. Also offer her a room at your house for free...

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talk to her, get her side of the story. If she really likes working for you and enjoys the job she should be able to find another kid to take on, by posting at libraries, local mommy hang outs, etc.

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I know that my nanny, who is absolutely wonderful, would rather be doing something more professional, and when she gets the opportunity I will probably lose her, even though she grows more attached to us every day. Thankfully, she is honest with me about what she is / isn't doing about furthering her professional career.

What I do is address the issues she has that I can address. She needs health insurance, so I am working on getting that for her and I will pay for it. I will also be hiring someone to work with her on her taxes. I allow her a lot of flexibility for stuff like doctors' appointments and taking care of her other part-time businesses. I encourage her to bring her developmentally disabled daughter with her when she comes to work, which she does about half of the time. I take an interest in her interests and the charity I co-founded will be supporting worthy children's / women's charities that she identifies in her home country. I express every day how grateful I am for her work and model the same type of gratitude to my kids (they can't say it for themselves yet).

All this will help but she may still decide to leave if something comes along that is more in line with furthering her life dreams. When/if that happens, I will ask her to help me find someone to take her place. She has relatives and friends who do similar work, and I think she would be concerned enough to help make sure we find the right person to care for my girls.

Good luck!

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Are you sure she's just not planning to burn the candles at both ends? She may just be planning to hold two full time jobs, possibly heading to teh retail establishment after she works for you.

But the best bet is going to be to take her out to coffee and figure out what is going on. Once you get it out in the open you can at least get a handle on what her plans are. Right now you're assuming the worst case - that she'll roll out the door tomorrow and leave you in the lurch - worst case scenario from a conversation from her would be you confirm what you already believe.

But if you're lucky maybe you'll discover a way you can work things out and make everything work.

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perhaps she is just hoping to fill the time on her hands that used to be filled by the boyfriend--evenings, weekends, whatever. you should let her know that you were called for a reference, and find out what's up ...

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There's something else I thought of. I know two women who watch each other's kids on a regular basis while they work. Granted, they work part time so I don't know if this is a good option for you.

Also, is the cost of the nanny the equivalent of a very good daycare? Because then he would get social interaction and you'd have a place that would be more stable, and not prone to life changes. That would require research for sure, and there could be a waiting list.

A good nanny is wonderful, but a daycare might mean less personal upheaval.

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Maybe she is going to do both - work for you during the day and there in the evenings? She wouldn't have listed you as a reference if she didn't want you to find out. She had to know they would call you.

What about your mom or dad? Could they watch Nolan or is that not an option?

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I don't know you well, you don't know me, so I'm just throwing this out there hoping I wouldn't offend or suggest something unrealistic. Could she move in with you as a live-in nanny and have her "rent" be part of her salary and then she could afford to make less money? I know if I was 23 I would hate this idea, it's be like moving back in with my mom (no offense), but I thought I'd throw it out there.

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Boy, that's tough! A great nanny is really hard to find.

I'd talk to her about it, and if she is determined to leave to make more money or for a more social position (Nannying is lonely work a lot of the time) you'll have to deal with the change.

Nolan would be fine. The months that he's been with his current nanny is like doing the same thing for YEARS to an adult. It would not seem like a transition after a series of other quick transitions to him (if that makes sense!)

If she does go, it might be an opportunity to put him in a quality daycare where he can play with other kids all day. He's at an age where he could really benefit from that.

But that's just the worst case scenario, and it's really not so bad! Best of luck.

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