Supplementing the guilt

With my first, I just didn't make enough milk. He was failing to thrive, so we started formula supplements. Suddenly, he thrived. I'll admit, it hurt me in all those insecure places: Wasn't I a good enough mother, a good enough woman, to feed my child?

But then I realized: 100 years ago, he would have died. I was being a GOOD mother. I was feeding my child. Any damage to my pride was purely selfish.

I had no supply issues with my second, and he's been nursing for over 10 months. He won't take a bottle, so, even if I'd like to give him some formula, that's off the table. He will sometimes take formula from a cup, which is what I give him on the rare occasions that I'm out. He refuses breastmilk in a cup and cries as soon as he smells it. I guess it makes him want mama?

I also throw a scoop of formula in with his baby cereal instead of mixing it with breast milk, again because he won't eat it with breast milk in it. I think it's good for him - he doesn't eat a lot of solids, and he can use the iron.

The thing is: All we can do is all we can do. Guilt isn't helping anyone: not you, not them. We just have to care for our children as best we can and trust it will all be okay.

Reply

You are exactly right! Do what WORKS! You might want to ask yourself whether baby does better with a bit of manufactured formula on top of the good stuff or being cared for by a sleep deprived mommy? The ped probably has the answers, but I'm thinking that so long as baby gets mostly formula won't the benefits of breastfeeding be there? I've had some mothers tell me that when they supplemented their natural milk production dropped off and made things more difficult rather than helping. As long as your pumping regularly that probably won't be an issue.

The problem with my last one was that she had horrible allergies and formula just didn't hit her right at all.

Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/

Reply

I desperately wanted to breastfeed my boys into toddlerdom. It just wasnt' to be. I never could nurse without pain- even after a year. I supplemented and did as much as I could. With the second one, he, like Melissa's baby, wouldn't have lived without formula. The lactation specialists weighed him after 30 minutes of nursing- and he'd taken 2oz. Then he downed an 8oz bottle. It was the first time in six weeks he stopped crying. I read a book called Bottle Feeding Without Guilt and tried to get over it, although I'll always mourn a bit.

Reply

For my first he was exclusive until 4 months, when I followed the pediatricians advice and introduced cereal, then nursed until he self weaned at 12 months.

For my second, he was a big baby and on the 3rd day when he was not crying as lustily I took him back in and my milk hadn't come in quite yet. So I supplemented for 2 weeks, slowly weaning him off while getting my supply up. He nursed exclusively at that point until 11 months - that was his choice as I offered at 6 months and on various foods. He's still nursing at 19 months, often at that - including the middle of the night, and he has a 3 year old big brother who is in the middle of potty training.

Still, with all that nursing, my youngest is allergic to milk (due to the early introduction to formula) and my oldest to peanuts, flax seed, and of course grass pollen and dog. I hate to think what it would be like if I hadn't committed to nursing.

Reply

I fed my daughter breatmilk exclusively for the first 5.5 months. Then I added cereal to her diet. I continued to feed her breastmilk until she was 9 months old. I was still struggling with postpartum, so my doctors recommended I stop nursing and take antidepressants. It was really hard for me to quit. I wanted to give her breastmilk exclusively until she was 12 months because of family allergies. But, formula gave me the chance to recover and become the healthy, happy mother my daughter needed. So, I don't feel guilty at all. And, I think if I ever do it again, I'll be less militant about breastmilk exclusively. Working full-time while providing all your child's food supply is very difficult.

Reply

My son refused to latch on, though we tried for two weeks. Finally started pumping, and he drank bottled breastmilk exclusively for four months until I kept getting too sick from mastitis to continue.

With my daughter (who is almost four months), she was a nursing champ from birth, even though she was six weeks early. Because she was technically a preemie, we had to supplement breastfeeding with high-calorie formula for a couple of weeks until the docs were sure she was thriving. So she was used to a bottle. Once we were able to stop supplementing, we kept up with a 2-4 ounce bottle in the evenings.

Why? I wanted to sleep for two to three hours in the evenings without a baby nearby. My husband was on Anna duty, and he fed her formula while I slept. She cluster feeds in the evening, and After four turns at the breast in two hours, I'm totally depleted anyway. Sure, I could do other stuff to increase my supply, but frankly, I really appreciate the sleep.

Am I selfish? Probably. But I'm a much better mommy when I've had a childless sleep, even if it's just two hours, before she joins me in the bedroom. She's healthy and quite chubby and happy, and, most importantly, we don't have a family history of childhood allergies. And she's still getting the benefit of breastmilk at all other times of the day.

Cheryl
http://redpens-diapers.blogspot.com
http://skinnymeals.blogspot.com

Reply

My daughter was on a 70%-30% mix. I breastfed all day and even some over night, but we also supplemented with formula from day 1.

Reply

Our doctor recommended adding some baby cereal to the bottle around 4 months old because she would just eat and eat and eat. This helped tremendously.

Reply

I think sometimes we place too much weight on outside resources - like the WHO and Pediatric Associations - and forget that we have in-born instincts when it comes to our children (or the rest of our lives, for that matter). It's not like you're saying, "gee, this breastfeeding is boring, I'm going to quit". No. Your child is telling you that she needs more, and you're providing that for her. You're being a good mom.

Further, back in the "olden days", many of our mothers were encouraged to not breast feed AT ALL, that formula was much better. And more of us thrived than didn't. And the formulas nowadays are so much better than they were back then.

You're doing just fine, mom. Cut yourself a break.

Reply

My daughter will be 11 months old on Saturday and was exclusively BF (or pumped milk since I work full time) until she was 6 1/2 months. We introduced rice cereal per her ped and it did such a number on her system that we took her off after a week and kept her on milk only until she was 7 1/2 months when we tried oatmeal instead. I had hoped to stop pumping at a year but still nurse in the morning and at night for as long as she wanted. Unfortunately, it has become apparent that I will have to start supplementing with formula before the end of this week as my supply has diminished so greatly I can no longer keep up with what little she is taking now in addition to her meals and juice. I'm sad, but proud of myself for going this long when my initial goal was 3 months .

Reply

I really tried, but it wasn't to be. My twins finally figured out how to latch on at 3 weeks, and we nursed exclusively for 3 more weeks. I thought we were doing great, only to find out they weren't gaining weight. So we added in a bottle of formula at bedtime -- but in another few weeks I just couldn't keep up with their appetites.

I'm just making the decision now, at 7 months, to wean them completely. Actually, they made that decision themselves. BabyA stopped cold turkey a few weeks ago (coincidently or not, just after I spoke sternly to her after she bit me - ow. She just wouldn't try again after that day) and BabyB is more interested in watching her sister than focusing on the boob.

They're thriving, thanks to formula!

Reply