Dating for (long)-married couples

by Jennifer Jordan (Subscribe to Jennifer Jordan's posts)
Feb 14th 2008 9:49AM

Filed under: Babies, Activities: Babies, Places To Go, In The News, Sex

Now that you've been married, for perhaps what seems like forever, do you ever date your spouse? Just in time for Valentine's Day comes an article from the New York Times about how couples who've been together a while try to kickstart that romantic spark.

I've been married for 4 1/2 years. All together I've been with him for ten years. And I knew him before that. One would think there'd be little left to discuss, no secrets, and that the romance would have dwindled. Add to that poopy diapers and getting every illness known from my son who brings it home from daycare and one would think our relationship was doomed.

But, in fact, it's not. And yes, we do date. We try to get out to dinner every once in a while. Normally we bring Mr. Pickles with us, but that doesn't really count as a date. Any time we're around the grandparents--whether they come to us or we travel to them, we try to get out for at least a good meal.

Lately we've been hiring a babysitter occasionally and seeing a little theater. Tomorrow, since my husband has grad school tonight (V-Day proper), we're going out to a fancy dinner, just the two of us. We're staying in Brooklyn but we'll be driving somewhere new. We'll be all alone, just the two of us. My guess is we'll spend a large part of the time discussing our son, how cute he is, how much we love him, what he's doing with the sitter.

I see that as just another way of telling each other how much we love each other. Every sweet thing we say about our baby is a sweet thing about our relationship, ultimately, since it took the two of us to bring him into our ever-changed lives.

Perhaps baby talk is not the norm for discussion during a date, but that'll be just fine with me. Frankly, I hated dating--I didn't even like dating my husband back before we were an item. Dating him now is much easier. There's no question if we're going home together. There's no doubt in my mind he loves me, likes what I'm wearing, will laugh at my jokes, etc. That is SO much easier than all the games.

Plus, if I get dressed up he really appreciates it, considering as I write this I'm wearing a robe, my glasses and some old--and I mean OLD--sweatpants while he sits right next to me with our baby and a bottle of formula.

Romantic indeed.

Yummy cookie heart pic by Aine D.