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Interfering with domestic violence and strange behavior
Filed under: Work Life, Development/Milestones: Babies
In late summer, I wrote a post about domestic violence in my neighbourhood. Strange, animalistic screaming pierced through the walls and tumbled angrily down our cul-de-sac, and I wavered uncertainly between being really worried about the baby over there, to telling myself to mind my own business. In the end, I called the police and told them what I'd heard. If I hadn't at least done that, I don't think I could have lived with myself if something really...deadly had happened there.Over the long weekend, there was another incident. It's a long, somewhat terrifying story and I'll spare you some of the description, but here are the bullet points:
1) The lady from the Dubious House across the street tried to break down my door with her shoulder.
2) Sobbing, she shrieked for me to call 911 because her baby wasn't breathing
3) Her baby, in a stroller outside my door, was in fact both crying and breathing.
4) Something unsettled me in the insane panic in the woman's eyes.
She ran across the street after muttering something about an ambulance coming, and I was left with my throat in my feet and my heart somewhere in my stomach. The police called me (they'd traced my information when I briefly called 911 as per Neighbour Lady's mad instruction) and I filed a report and I did all I could.
But all day yesterday, I sat wondering about that baby, if her Mom was a little unbalanced. I know something is not right at that house across the street. I also know that sometimes there is value in minding one's own business, particularly if there is a lot of anger, violence, and sporadic behavior involved. And I feel I became involved when this woman started bashing at my door.
What would you do?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
2-20-2008 @ 10:08AM
Jessica said...I would have done exactly as you did. The woman was banging on your door, sobbing, what were you going to do, tell her no???? What else could you have done?
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2-20-2008 @ 10:20AM
Eva said...I would file a report with the local social services department and call the police if there are further signs of trouble.
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2-20-2008 @ 10:32AM
Amanda said...how scary for you and that poor baby!!! I pray that God keeps that baby safe from harm and gives that woman the sense to leave if they are being abused.
I would make sure to contact CPS and have a file opened. It may be traumatic but if the child is in danger he/she needs to be removed from the home!
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2-20-2008 @ 10:52AM
Ethel said...What I implore you not to do is be a mute bystander who does nothing. Violence, as much as it can overflow, is best stopped by being a witness, being vocal (I don't mean screaming, I mean not being quiet), and often just by offering shelter however brief. At our home, I often would step outside to be visible to passing by couples who were screaming at each other (one carrying a car seat with a baby in it), holding a phone. Sometimes that was enough. Other times it meant calling it in, like the couple who were talking and talking on my neighbors lawn, and when I realized it had been hours of the male "talking" loudly and fiercely to the female I called that in.
The gal needs to know that she is not alone, she is not isolated (or guy sometimes). The perp needs to know that he is not alone and folks are paying attention, that the behavior is unacceptable, period, and it is our business. Yeah the mom is probably unhinged, it would make sense in terms of her being a better target.
By acting you are not making yourself a target, you are defusing a potentially deadly situation. The violence is targeted within the circle of love/hate, not at strangers. Try to talk to other, uninvolved neighbors, so its not just you too. Just think, if it were you being hurt by someone on the street, would you want someone to step up or everyone to politely look the other way?
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2-20-2008 @ 11:04AM
Amy said...I'm going to preface this by admitting that I am totally the neighborhood busybody. In the last 30 days I've talked to the cops twice and the FBI once about suspicious activity in my 'hood (all of my calls were appropriate, by the way, I'm not just irritating local law enforcement).
However, I would wait until I was sure he was gone (to work or wherever) and she was home, then I would take over a coffeecake or something and say, "Hey, it seems like you're having a hard time. Want to talk about it?"
Depending on what she said, I would either A) offer support (babysitting, a safe place to hide out, etc.); B) encourage her to leave (if he's abusive, for example, or if the baby's in danger), maybe helping her figure out a plan for leaving safely; or C) file a report with CPS (if the child is in imminent danger). I would go armed with the number for the local crisis center, which does intake for the local womens' shelter, as well as info (probably printed from the web) about how to escape domestic violence.
I know this sounds really pushy and overbearing, and maybe it is, but I think if someone reached out to her in the spirit of love and concern, she would respond. And if she throws you out, at least you know you did your best.
Amy @ http://prettybabies.blogspot.com
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2-20-2008 @ 11:42AM
Allysen said...Calling 911 was absolutely right and you shouldn’t hesitate to do that. If I had a neighbour sobbing at my door I’d do the same thing.
That’s a tough position. If it was me, I would 1.) fear for the safety of my neighbour and her baby and 2.) worry about my safety and that of my little one if I chose to become involved by offering shelter, etc… Would you feel comfortable reaching out and offering assistance?
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2-20-2008 @ 11:42AM
sunny.day.77 said...Calling 911 was absolutely right and you shouldn’t hesitate to do that. If I had a neighbour sobbing at my door I’d do the same thing.
That’s a tough position. If it was me, I would 1.) fear for the safety of my neighbour and her baby and 2.) worry about my safety and that of my little one if I chose to become involved by offering shelter, etc… Would you feel comfortable reaching out and offering assistance?
Reply
2-20-2008 @ 5:34PM
Brooke said...I would have done what you did. Sometimes getting involved is the wrong thing to do, but not in cases like this.
Many years ago, a woman was raped and I believe murdered on a New York street while the neighbors watched from windows, all hoping, assuming, that someone else would call the police. No one did.
Your calls may save the life of that child someday.
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2-20-2008 @ 11:48PM
Uly said...Kitty Genovese. And what's especially notorious is that her attacker left and came back repeatedly, as she tried to make it into her apartment.
As it happens, though, most people didn't "hope or pray" that somebody called the police - the vast majority of neighbors who even heard the argument (it was winter, so many of them were warm and snug with their windows closed) just assumed it was an ordinary quarrel. None of the neighbors were able to watch the whole thing, either, due to the layout of the building.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitty_genovese
2-20-2008 @ 2:23PM
Summer said...Oh, my gosh. I feel for you; this is such a tough situation.
But I have to ditto the above comments that say it is better to err on the side of caution... I think you did the right thing.
I believe I would have done the same in similar circumstances. I just hope & pray that the police take these reports seriously before something really bad happens. =(
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