Who gets custody of the pets?
Categories: Divorce & custody, Fun & activities
In my regular visits to the family law courtrooms of southeast Texas, I stopped in recently to watch the divorce hearings in one of the local courts. Several cases were very short and sweet, but one case took up the majority of the morning. A couple was not only fighting for custody of their children, but they were also trying to decide who would get their dogs.The husband had agreed that the children would continue living with their mother, with him having liberal visitation. However, a problem arose with the children's pets. The mother had never wanted the children to have pets and refused to let the children keep the dogs at her house. The children's father had bought both children a dog for a Christmas present against his wife's wishes. The children had their pets for two years and now with their parents divorcing, they wanted their pets to live with them. The children's mother insisted that the pets should live with her soon to be ex-husband, and the children could see their pets when they went to visit their father on weekends.
Their mother's refusal to let their pets stay with them had upset the children so much that the father was considering asking for custody of the children. He was trying to get the children's mother to reconsider her decision and she was refusing. The judge stated he could not force the mother to keep the dogs against her will and told the father if he wanted to ask for custody, it would be considered, but not based on his wife's refusal to keep the dogs.
The case was not settled and had to be set for trial. The parents will now fight a bitter battle for custody of the children because of the children's desire to live with their pets full-time.
What do you think? Should a parent be flexible when a child is already attached to a pet or is it acceptable for these children to only see their pets on the weekends with their father?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
colamum 2-27-2008 @ 3:26PM
Those kids are going to have a tough enough time adjusting to the divorce itself, it seems as though the mother is being a bit selfish and perhaps vindictive by refusing to let the kids have the dogs with them.
An even easier compromise would be to have the dogs go wherever the kids are, which will essentially teach them more responsibility.
Bottom line (as I see it), if you cannot escape the heartache the divorce will have on the kids, why not try to soften the blow, so to speak, a little for them?
Isn't part of parenthood supposed to be selflessness?
Just my two cents...
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Kelly 3-10-2008 @ 10:55AM
I agree with you.I think that if the wife didnt like the dogs then she should have fought him about it 2 years ago instead of letting the children get attached and then telling them they all of a sudden cant have them.Thats crazy.
caitlin 2-27-2008 @ 4:22PM
Well, I'd be more inclined to side with the woman. Her ex husband disrespected her wishes when he got the dogs, so they should be his problem. His selfishness got them into this situation with the dogs.
I don't know this woman's financial situation, or anything about the dogs. For starters, if the woman is limited to renting, having two dogs may very well pose a hardship for her. If they are large dogs, it may prove impossible to find a rental for her family. Large dogs (or certain breeds) may also make the woman nervous.
Dogs are an ongoing drain on your finances and time. If she wants to take the kids to say... Disneyland for a week, she's probably looking at $60-100+ a day to kennel two dogs. She also has to make sure the dogs are exercised adequately. I also don't know how well these dogs are trained. If the husband never made the effort to train them, I can't blame her for not wanting them in her house. They may have some aggression issues or she might spend all her time cleaning up messes. I also have no idea how old the kids are. If they're not old enough to be responsible for the dogs, I think she is in the right to ask that the dogs stay at her ex's house.
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isisaquaria 2-27-2008 @ 5:05PM
Heartless cold hearted BIOTCH...
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isisaquaria 2-27-2008 @ 5:06PM
Heartless or coldhearted BIOTCH--sorry for the typo
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ninainindia 2-29-2008 @ 11:30AM
Didn't you recently write about there being no fights in your households ever? I think it's causing you to expres your opinion here in a very childish way.
Judy 2-27-2008 @ 10:18PM
Siding with Caitlin here. Dogs are a lot of work and responsibility, and can hinder your plans. If HE got the dogs, it's HIS responsibility to take care of them. The kids are sad about it? The kids are going to be sad about a lot of things. What if they miss the toys from their dad's house - should they have those all the time too? What if the pet was a snake, would the reactions be the same?
When my ex and I split, we had a HUGE lab mix, and if I'd had to keep him, I don't know what I would have done. I could only afford a small apartment, while he had a house.
Of all the things to be worried about in a divorce!
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Monica 2-28-2008 @ 9:28AM
I have two fairly large dogs and I love them, BUT we waited years before getting them through the pleas of my husband and kids until we were in a place where we had the time and energy to care for them.
I'm siding with the Mom. Dad made a unilateral decision when he bought the dogs, and he needs to take care of them.
A possible compromise IF there is space in the home for them would be for dad to pay for a dog walking and yard cleanup service.
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Mel 2-28-2008 @ 9:57AM
So it's too much to ask the kids be separated from their dogs during the week, but it's fine that they will be separate from their father during the week?! The kids will see the dog exactly as much as they will see their father. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
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heather 2-28-2008 @ 10:19AM
It is going to be hard enough on the kids to be sperated from the dad. But now they are losing thier best friends too. The one creature you can tell all your secrets to who won't tell. I remeber many times crying into my cats fur because of a fight with my parents. All she did was purr. To some it may seem silly but to a kid it is devistaiting.
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Caelligh 2-28-2008 @ 12:12PM
I think the mother is being totally reasonable. It's a sad situation, of course, but I expect the kids would be upset during this time either way - and they're latching on to the pet issue. To them, Dad probably seemed like quite the hero bringing home those dogs, while he was actually (unless someone is lying) being completely selfish and disrespectful. Mom doesn't want the pets she never wanted being dumped on her in the separation, and she seems like an ogre.
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jane 2-28-2008 @ 12:40PM
I don't feel this is a "right" issue with us picking who is at fault. Once again, kids have to “accept” what their parents are doing. What about THEM? Who cares “who” bought the dogs? They have had them for two years not just a few weeks. The point is the children love their pets. They LOVE them. It’s not them who made the choice that their parents are divorcing and they won’t get to see dad. I feel this mother should be ashamed of herself. If someone would have told me when I was a child that I couldn’t have my dog and cat, I would have been devastated. It’s bad enough that their parents are divorcing? Why take the only other thing that they really love away? I can’t stand parents like this. They are playing one-upmanship! They are trying to hurt each other and the kids are in the middle. Shame, shame!
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wendy colondres 2-28-2008 @ 4:38PM
i am also a pet owner
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Darla 5-09-2008 @ 5:26PM
I am currently going through this exact issue right now. Almost 3 years ago me and my husband bought a dog for my daughter. (I must mention he wasn't working so I footed the bill) The dog was a Christmas present to her from Santa. We are now going through a divorce and when he moved out he took the dog with him and refused to let my daughter keep her dog. He refuses to let us see the dog and he is refusing to give her back to my daughter. My daughter is 7 years old and completely devastated that her Christmas present from "Santa" was taken away. Since he is not my daughter's biological father he somehow has the assumption that it is ok for him to not only ignore her but to take her dog away that she won't see again. During our marriage he was a heartless human being and treated me terrible and I expect nothing less from him towards me now, but to do this to a 7 year old girl who you've been in her life since she was a year and a half old is the lowest thing ever and a disgrace. So, this does happen to people, but in a situation like my daughter's where the man isn't her father so she won't see him or the dog again is such an excruciating thing for me to have to see my daughter endure. ( On a side note, I call him constantly begging for him to bring the dog back to her, but he never returns my calls, most likely because he's too busy sleeping with a friend of mine who is now pregnant with his child)....real winner huh....
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melissa 5-12-2008 @ 3:01PM
To darla,
I know this might be hard but you have to stop calling him. He doesn't care and he won't... You are hurting yourself everytime you call him and beg for the dog... Sometimes you just have to give up and let things be. Maybe you can get your daughter a new puppy, it won't be the same but kids can re-bound from this....
My husband took all 3 of my dogs and used them against me ... I had to let it go ... I believed that my dogs were my babies but at some point they had to become just dogs so that I could get over the situation. Your daughter knows what you are doing by calling him and it might just make her more upset ... she has to grow and in order to do that she must say good-bye ... have her write a letter to the dog saying good-bye to it.... this might work... who knows ... Good luck with this whole thing ...
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