Attracting teens to church

Stop judging. You can have morals without judging others.
My dd went to church with a friend ( a male)after the family invited her. Then about 3 weeks later the parents sat them down and gave them a lecture about dating. The mother was saying marrying her husband was a mistake and she doesn't want my dd to make that same mistake beause she is a precious flower who needs to be protected and boys are children who will just stomp all over you and wreck you. ( she was in grade 7, and no she never went to that house again I advised her to maybe stay away from him)

Then my cousin who is a Pastor at the church ( small world eh!) of the above boy was at a family birthday on the weekend. He mentioned to another relative that my dd went to his church a couple times but she came with " A BOY!" He did say it in a very judgemental attitude like it was huge deal my dd had a reg friend who was a boy.

My dd has lots of friends some are boys some are girls. She doesn't judge she likes people for who they are.
Kids don't need to be judged , they get that enought from their peers.
They need a place that will try to guide them in the right direction with a huge deal if they make a mistake, because everyone makes mistakes and God loves you anyways mistakes and all .

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No idea where "judging" comes from in the comment above.

Most churches will admit to struggling to keep in touch with their youth more today than before. I found myself IM-ing and texting youth all the time. The school system that the church I worked at a couple of years back did not like the idea of church folks coming during lunch, so that was never an option for me.

My current church has just redone the youth room - recovered the pool table, replaced broken furnature.. the thing looks great. We're talking about doing a monthly gathering on Saturday nights to keep kids in rather than out at places their parents would rather not have them.

If you want them involved, one of the big keys is to be continually flexible. Things have changed so much, even in just the last couple of years. Some might say that is true for all of the age groups in congregations right now!

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Personally, I think all the activity to make the church less church-y will result in nothing. Why? Well, that's not why kids stay away, its because we don't make the service and the church inviting. Not appealing, I mean we need to welcome babies, toddlers, grade schoolers, adolescents and teens in every aspect of worship and allow them to own not only the conventional aspects of worship but their own spirituality.

The churches that I have seen attract and maintain kids are those that encourage active participation with the "adult" service, reading the liturgy, greeting incoming attendees, helping with serving communion and collecting the tithes. And I don't just mean being acolytes, although that helps. Kids need to own the church in order to want to participate, which mean having a stake in how the church is run. It could be as simple as picking out hymn to sing.

My present church has a separate service for the teens, which I think will lead to an early demise for the church as a whole since the white hairs do not worship with the young families (who attend an earlier and more modern service) or the teens who sleep later. Bad move in all aspects. In my past church the teens went out on missions together, and they had at least two services a year that they put together themselves and then three took turns delivering a 5-8 minute sermon each. You could tell they felt they belonged there, they weren't borrowing the sanctuary at all, and they did belong! It was wonderful, and the congregation was a good mix of gray heads and young baby bald heads with everything in between.

Of course, what makes it difficult is that the gray hairs have a hard time bringing in new means of worshiping. That includes myself as I hate the modern songs of worship, give me the old stolid ones any day. Meh. I guess I will need to suck it up if I want our church to accommodate the changing aspects of our congregation and survive in a state with the highest rates of agnosticism in the nation.

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Our previous church had a service on Saturday night that was very popular with the teens. It was called Worship Loud and loud it was. The music seemed almost like a rock concert -- smoke, lights and all. It was a very casual service, but the message was the same as the Sunday morning service. I attended that service because I was teaching teens at the time and I wanted to stay connected.

However, it is their Wednesday night service that kept teens involved. This is where they really developed their spirituality, etc.

At first I was resistant to these changes, but I grew to like them. Mostly, I was thrilled to see so many teens so involved in their church and involved in service outside of church.

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I have seen a lot of 'fluff' added to churches that are trying to appeal to younger generations. I think that it can be a good thing to bring young people in, but there needs to be more depth to have the real desired effects. I've watched churchs bring in young people and then seen the young people get into just as much trouble as they would have otherwise. One thing that I think makes the biggest difference in the lives of young people is when adults make the effort to develop real relationships with them. Kids can see through an act. When adults show genuine interest in a youth as a person, they respond.
I agree with Ethel that if young people feel that they are a real part of the church and not just some kid, they will have more interest in being involved.
I think I understand what Heather is trying to say about judging others. Even though that isn't related to the questions asked, it still is relevant to the issue of 'how do we get young people to a place of considering morals and faith'. I think that one of the easiest ways to chase people in general away from church or even the idea of church is to judge them. That's what did it for me in college and the only reason I started going to church again was because God pursued me. I'm nowhere near perfect and sometimes it's hard not to judge people.. but when you practice loving others instead, it makes a big difference.

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I guess I have a different perspective on this, since I was raised as just a person and allowed to find my own spiritual path. I think what many churches and parents are missing is that children just can't magically brush all their doubts and questions under a rug and be good little believers.

Many of my friends had to go to church, no exceptions. Their parents put them in the position of having to pay lipservice, and I have heard several of them mention that was the point they lost any desire to reconnect. It wasn't about believing, but it was just something you had to do so others wouldn't judge you to your face. I think also parents tend to be more interested in how the church feels about them, than they are their kids. It's an embarrassment to my inlaws that we do not go to church. No one likes being embarrassed, but no one likes to be forced to do anything or pretend belief in something.

I think true faith requires the ability to walk away. You can't force it. I don't think it was ever meant to be a pat and easy thing. Sometimes you will struggle, but when you have the freedom to ask and receive real answers for your questions, chances are you might emerge stronger in your faith. Rec rooms might bring kids in, but they won't lead to deeper explorations of faith.

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I have a son, 14 yrs old, and he is so involved in youth group. I am not sure what I would do as a parent without this positive outlet. There is a "teen" church that is available to teens during the school week for homework, a social outlet, and guidance.
I think that, as parents, we need to encourage this outlet but be aware of what is going on-who are your kids hanging out with, be aware of yours kids surroundings, etc.

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