Leaving the kids at home

I feel the same way often and always talk myself out of it. Imagine what would happen if you got in an accident and didn't get home right away? What if they woke up and were scared you were gone? Those thoughts make me stop thinking about it!

I do do one thing I know some will frown on. We live on a 3rd floor apartment. When we have a mail package and I have to go down to sign for it, I go alone. I actually leave the door open a crack. I CAN still hear if there was crying or something and I want it clear to my son that if he was sleeping and woke up that the door not 100% closed means he knows where I went. He could even come down after me. He's 4. When he was a baby I was so paranoid. I didn't even take a shower without him in the same room!

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Whilst is sounds harmless enough to leave sleeping children for a few minutes, there is always the what if scenario. What if you and your wife had (God forbid) had an accident? Most accidents occur within 5 minutes of home. you could have been seriously hurt and gone for hours. The kids would have been very frightened upon waking to find their parents gone, and then what would they have done?

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I am guilty. You might find me awful. I live, maybe, 2 blocks away from my sons school. I can actually see the school from my front door, and see my house from the curb of the school.
It is the hardest thing to get my girls 5 & 3 to wake up just to get him to school some days. And on a few of those really hard days I have left them at home while I drop my son off at school. I know it's awful. I have actually been threated by the schools principle because my sone was late so many times last year. She threatened to report us to child services. Which isnt that bad, but my husband is trying to adopt my son from his biological father and we cannot have anything bad to mess this already hard process up.
I try to avoid it, but I have left my kids home alone for 5 minutes. It makes me feel like an awful mother sometimes, but I feel better when I unlock the door and walk in and they are still asleep.
I actually did this a lot before, but my little sister was living in my basement before she got married and I used to just yell down to her. It felt safer then.

My opinion is, well, I think 15 minutes may be too long to let them just sleep. Maybe 10 minutes, but even then its still kinda pushing it. Five minutes is a little more exceptable but still try to avoid it at all costs, cause in five minutes a lot can happen.

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Had a similar situation not long ago. At 4 in the morning our out of town company left to get an early start and had car trouble 10 minutes from our house. We both had to go (one to tow and one to carry passengers and luggage). I knew it would only be for 20 minutes, so I took the chance and left the kids asleep. I stayed calm on the outside, but inside I was a wreck thinking about it! My kids are 9 and 12 and have never stayed home alone before or since. I can remember babysitting other kids at 11, so I don't know why I'm so skiddish about it. At 3 and 5 there's no way I could have done it either. Mine are at least old enough to use the phone if something happens.

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I've pondered this myself. What's always stopped me from doing more than pondering was the same as Vic (above). They would almost certainly be just fine, but car accidents happen all the time, and even if it wasn't serious, it would be a delay. So what you think is a 10-15 minute absence, could turn into double or triple that, or even more.

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The thought has crossed my mind...especially when the kids are asleep, hubby is away and I just remembered I needed something from the store for the morning.
But then sanity hits and I realize what I am risking...what if something happens...I could lose my kids.

It's a hard call as to what age is appropriate...and I think it is maturity rather than age. We haven't made it that far yet, so I will let you know when the time comes.

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It is SOOOOO tempting. We haven't done it. I've never thought about the car accident thing, but more the house fire thing. My son is still in a crib, and at 22 months is too young to know what to do anyway. YIKES!

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If you can see the school, why not watch at the door while he walks by himself, then? Send him out earlier, or with a friend.

That said, I was left alone for a half-an-hour at a stretch by the time I was eight. My father would give me the choice of walking with him to pick up my sister from dance (it was a late class - she walked halfway, and then they walked the rest of the way home together), or staying home, and I alway chose to stay home.

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I understand the draw and have been lucky enough to have had neighbours that were more than willing to sit in my living room for the 5 minutes it takes me to run the oldest somewhere.

But this post made me remember conversations I've had with friends about this very topic. What we have talked about is that when we were young it was normal for mom and dad to put the kids to bed then go out for a night on the town. They would be gone for hours. I never gave it much thought until I had my own children, and now I can't imagine that they used to do that. Just think about the movie Peter Pan, they leave the dog to "babysit" the children. I know it's a movie and animated at that, but when the movie was orginally released it had to have been the norm or they wouldn't have put it in the movie. This has changed for the better I think.

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I have never left the kids at home w/o a parent....too many things can happen while I'm home, much less while I am gone.

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We used to live in a 3rd floor apartment. And we had a dog. I would have to leave my kids upstairs to take her outside. Granted, I never left the yard. But still.
Sometimes they were alseep, sometimes they were awake.
I couldnt let the dog go to the bathroom in the house. And if it was freezing cold outside, I didnt want to take the kids with me.
I would just make sure they were engrossed in something that would hold their attention for 2 minutes. Thankfully nothing ever happened. And now we live on the 1st floor so I can let the dog out from the front porch.

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It's one of the reasons I can't get my head around the "cry it out" approach to getting kids to sleep. People wouldn't dream of leaving kids alone for 15 minutes while they were gone and the kids are asleep, but will leave them alone in their rooms for long stretches (even hours I've heard from some people) while they know their kids are CRYING!!! When the kid stops crying, they wait to check on them. In that time, they could have thrown up and choked to death on their own puke, and it would already be too late.

I realize that when the parents leave the house there are more factors involved - something could happen to the parents, there could be an intruder - but it seems so much safer to leave sleeping kids alone in their beds for a few minutes than to leave screaming kids locked in their rooms for a few minutes.

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so - then what's the age when you can leave them at home? I've had parents tell me that their 12 year old is old enough to babysit my 3 (8, 6 and 4) i think she's nuts. That said - they do need to start having independence - in small increments. I don't know the right answer. My husband left my boys in front of the TV for 10 minutes so he could pick the 4 yr old and I up at the metro on a rainy day. He told them not to answer the phone. They didn't move (they don't watch much TV and love it) but what if he'd been in an accident... I know I wouldn't have done it - but I would have thought about it.

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My brothers and I were latch key kids by the age of 8, not for long after school but for an hour or so. And I started babysitting in the neighborhood at age 10 so I am much more lenient about the ages of my sitters.

My kids are 5 and 7 (2 weeks until she is age 8) so they are not babies and my regular sitter is 12. I've also had an 11 year old babysit for my sick 7 year old so I could take my 5 year old to guitar lessons. As long as the pre-teen can get my kids out of the house if something were to happen and know how to call 911, I am comfortable with younger sitters.

I know people will be horrified with this revelation but I once left my sick 7 year old home alone while I left to get my son from school. It was her choice. I gave her the phone with my cell phone number to call, plus she has all her friends' phone numbers memorized. Yes, I was a bit nervous but I hate to bring a sick child out in our below zero temps. I was only gone for 10 minutes and nothing happened and I am sure I'd do it again if the situation arises.

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I've thought of it, but all the what if's always kept me from actually doing it. So far there hasn't been any situation like the one you mentioned, but I've thought of going next door to the convienance store for something, it would take all of 10 minutes to get there and back, but then I worry about a fire, or he would wake up and walk out of the apartment looking for me and be lost, or someone could walk in and take him, or ... So we do without until he wakes up.

I think that, at least in my State, you can leave a child alone when they are 12, they might have to be older if they are watching other children.

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At 12, I babysat for 3 boys (!) down the street. They were 5, 7, and 9. Their mom thought the $40 she was paying me (8 hours a day, 5 days a week) was a bit steep. This was in the mid 80's. She decided to unplug the stove, instruct them to stay in the hours, and left them alone. The first week, my mom had to drive them all to the emergency room after the oldest shot the middle one in the leg with a pellet gun. The following week, the boys went outside against their mom's instructions. The middle child broke both arms after falling out of a tree. I got my job back :)
My ten year old daughter is very mature. I would consider leaving her home alone for up to an hour. I hesitate to leave my 8 year old daughter in the house while I walk to the mailbox. That child is accident prone like her mother.

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Granted I don't know the details of the situation...but...is there a way for her to go to school using some form of alternate transportation?

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