Learning selflessness, one selfish moment at a time

Dylan's pressence....Dad's abscence...I'd bet money that Riley considers the farm his place and has certain expectations he is not ready to give up as of yet to include that "squirmy crying attention getting little bundle" you invaded his home with and now his activities outside the home--NG.

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There is nothing selfish about being disappointed that your plans were spoiled. Your son is getting old enough to start understanding that it isn't all about him, either. It sounds like he was troubled by something, but nevertheless this could be a learning opportunity for him. At the least, I would speak to him calmly after he calmed down, and tell him that his behavior made someone else feel bad, that we need to remember that others have feelings and try to be kind even if it means we don't always get what we want. You could even point out all the nice things you did to try to make him happy, that you were very much thinking of his happiness, and then he was mean to you. Adopt some simple language that you can use to remind him of consideration / patience during future social activities.

I cringe seeing the word "selfish" applied to your feeling of disappointment. You are still a human and have a right to happiness. More importantly, the most responsible, unselfish thing you can do in this regard is teach your child how to handle impatience, disappointment, and mild discomfort.

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Nothing wrong with feeling disappointed...and it's not selfish. You're human. :)

Sorry the farm didn't go well. My stepson gets VERY cranky before his nap, so my guess is that was a big factor.

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There is nothing wrong with feeling disappointed and angry that your toddler "acted a fool" when you were out. As a matter of fact it seems like anytime a person plans something like this and have all the ducks in a row, a toddler no matter who's they are, will do what they can to not allow the smoothness. It sucks, but I think it's their nature. AND FOR GOD'S SAKE!! Stop feeling so guilty about EVERYTHING!!! You're post-partum, which sets you up to be emotional; you have all of NO sleep to work with; and you have a toddler!!! YOU'RE DOING THE BEST YOU CAN!!! If anyone else can do more, just let them try! I'm not trying to be mean, but cut yourself some slack.

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I hear ya!

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I love your writing! You always make me laugh and realize that, yup, someone else feels the way I do...

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>>> "yet here I am, still finding it hard to adjust to living by someone else's priorities."

Hmm. That sounds a little screwy to me. I'm not a "we always put our little baby first" - partly cause he'll tell you himself he ain't a baby. Toddlers have to learn to live with people too. It can't always be one way.

This day sounds like classic boundary testing (assuming he wasn't just really tired). He's trying to see what he can and can't do and get away with; will he be told off, ignored, chastised, ... etc..

I say, decide on the boundaries of behaviour you'll accept - make sure it's reasonable and not just being prissy (like expecting him to be quiet or not run around when he's at the park). Tell him off, apply your punishment regime. Be consistent.

That way you won't still be having the same sort of days in a few months time. Not so often anyway.

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Man, it must be their age, because Cameron is doing the same thing right now...except he does it every DAY with just about every activity! Gah! Craziness!
"Want juice mommy...NO JUICE mommy! Wanna watch Cars mommy! No Cars, put back mommy! WantthiswantthatwantwantwantnonononoNO"
BWAAAAH! The Sanity! It is hanging by a thread 'round here...and I don't have the added infant! I feel for ya!

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On my son's second birthday, I wanted to take him on an outing of his choice to celebrate the occassion. I asked him what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to go to the mall and "hab some lunch." So, although he is the type of child who A) wants nothing to do with the stroller, B) will tear through 17 stores, pulling every last piece of merchandise off the shelves if I let go of him for the slightest instant, and C) tends to fall on the floor in a boneless heap at the suggestion that he should walk calmly beside me while holding my hand, I decided to brave the busy lunch hour at the mall food court (I don't think I have to point out that having lunch in the mall food court is not high on my list of pleasurable activities even sans toddler.)

After sweating through the process of getting lunch (long wait in line, carrying 30-pound toddler while also balancing heavy tray, etc) and getting settled at a table, my son ate about five bites of cheese pizza, then, out of nowhere, stuck his finger down his throat and vomitted all over the table, my lunch, his lunch, my pants, his pants, my purse, and the floor. I'll never forget that feeling of "I just went way out of my way to do something nice for you and you just -- ahem -- STUCK YOUR FINGER DOWN YOUR THROAT AND VOMITTED ON ME. In public. About a mile away from our car." I guess this is a long way of saying I know how you feel. And I don't think you're selfish!

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This post reminds me of a scene -- I think it's from the movie *Heartburn* with Meryl Streep -- when a new stay-at-home mom meets a former coworker for lunch. She arrives, late of course, with baby, stroller, diaper bag, spit-up-on shirt, disheveled hair, etc., at this tiny outdoor cafe. The baby immediately starts acting up, and she's trying to pretend nothing's wrong and appease him and talk to her chic friend and ignore the nasty looks from the other diners, and suddenly she just stops cold, tears up, and says she obviously has to leave. It always breaks my heart because it so perfectly captures the zillions of tiny sacrifices mothers make. How you stay sane is a marvel to me.

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