TLC show stirs up "mommy wars"
Categories: Newborns, Babies, Toddlers, Teens & tweens, Money & work, Celeb parenting, In the news, Childcare, Mommy wars, Media, Gadgets & tech, That's entertainment
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TLC has a new show called, "The Secret Lives of Soccer Moms". Let me start by telling you that I have a particularly keen interest in this show for several reasons. For one, I was being seriously considered for the job of host held by former sitcom actress, Tracy Gold and actually flew out to LA to meet with TLC executives.As a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) who occasionally dabbles in my television-hosting career, I can definitely relate to the premise of the show, which allows a SAHM to work in her dream job for a week and decide at the end whether or not she wants to continue being a full-time at home mom.
At this stage of my life, I only consider television jobs that have a limited shooting schedule because I want to be a SAHM and have no interest in relocating my family to LA or New York. This show would have met that criteria and had the added benefit of being a topic of eminent interest to me. Bummer!
In the first episode, mom decides at the end of the week to pursue her dream of becoming a fashion designer and, if the reactions displayed on the show's website comment boards are any indication, the mommy wars are far from over. Many SAHMs resent that in its first episode, mom's decision is received with her family's joyful approval followed by closing credits; the audience is spared the cold reality of seeing kids who are accustomed to the warmth and familiarity of home and mom suddenly dealing with the adjustment of a day-care situation and the emotional aftermath of making sense of mom's "choice".
On the other hand, working moms, especially part-time working moms, can relate to the shows' moms and their sincere desire to tap into the passions and creativity of their former selves - if only for a few hours a week.
As a television host, I would have a far more successful career if I lived in LA where i could audition daily and increase my visibility and chances of landing a job by a hundred fold. On the other hand, the normalcy of small-town living has had an immeasurably positive effect on my kids and the lower cost of living has allowed our family to afford having one parent home full-time. It has also made me a much more credible host and voice for all the new mommy shows Hollywood is rolling out these days. God knows that far too many of these shows and talk shows are overly represented by wealthy urban women who have never lived without a nanny or stepped foot in a Wal-Mart.
Yet, I would be lying if I didn't admit to loving the fact that at least three or four times a year, I travel alone, stay in a nice hotel, and get my hair and make-up done by professionals without wondering if anyone needs a diaper change.
In the end, "The Secret Lives of Soccer Moms" is one of those great reality show concepts that simultaneously entertains and offers viewers, moms and future moms in this case, a platform from which to explore and discuss the deepest questions that dominate and determine our lives and our legacy.
For more information about Rachel Campos-Duffy, please visit: www.rachelcamposduffy.com
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Michelle 3-14-2008 @ 2:39PM
I'll have to admit, this show didn't sound that interesting to me at first. I'm sure if you had been chosen to host it, I would have felt otherwise!
I'm extremely happy with my decision to be a SAHM. I am now faced with the probability of getting a part-time job so we can make ends meet during this struggling economy. Even though I would be working evenings and wouldn't need a babysitter, I still loathe just thinking about another job. For me, being a mom is fulfilling and fun and more than enough work. Even when all my kids will be in elementary school, in three years, I know I should probably go back to work. But cleaning, laundry, paying bills, making lunches and meals, and volunteering at school is a full-time job in itself.
However, I do know there are many more adventurous moms out there who long for that career outside the home. This sounds like a good show for them. Hopefully most of these mothers can find the rewards and benefits that being a stay-home parent has to offer. If they really want to pursue a career, that can be done while the kids are in school, or even from home.
I'll admit that because of the controversy, I'm now anxious to see the show. Thanks for the info.
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Ula 3-16-2008 @ 3:00PM
We are lucky women to be living in a time when most people really do think women have choices. But that's just it... we still have to make choices, which means we can't necessarily do it all. Kudos to you for trying to do what's best for your family while integrating your own dreams when it's possible. It's a very hard balance to achieve.
I had a successful and rising career in retail information technology before having children, and I will admit that I do sometimes wonder "what if" I had kept going with my career. Things would definitely be different, that's for sure. But I don't regret my decision to be a stay-at-home mom. I am sure there are other things I will do in my life that will challenge that career-oriented side of my personality, and I definitely use my intellect and my conflict-resolution and negotiation skills on a daily basis now!
I am enjoying the present, appreciating the little moments day-to-day that make being at home special, while also looking forward to whatever the future holds for me, career-wise. After all, kids do grow up, there's no avoiding that.
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gccottingham 3-18-2008 @ 1:07PM
I have yet to see the show but I am really excited that women are now being giving the opportunity to live out their dreams that had been "shelved away in the garage". When I married and had children I was a mother and a soldier in the Army. I LOVED my job truly but it got to the point where one can not be selfish especially when you have a family, I had to choose either go to war or have others raise our children. Keeping in mind my husband worked 1 hour and a half away and was also finishing his degree online full time, so you see one of us pretty much had to stay home.
I applaud all the SAHMs across the nation that have the choice of staying home and do so and not work, as well as those that take on part time jobs to continue to fulfill their dreams. I must say I did it for 10 years and not a day went by that my children would ask me, "when are you getting out of the Army" how heartbreaking is that? Boy was I on a guilt trip!
I finally did leave the Army in 2003 and I can truly say I'm a Stay-at- Home Mom and I'm proud of it. Even though I cant go back and recap all the precious moments that I missed while they were at the daycare since birth , but I do treasure all the time I get to spend with them now, and boy its tough... but ohh so rewarding.
My boys: Eric 14, Benjamin 5 and Jacob 7
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Amy 3-18-2008 @ 2:09PM
I love that show! I had a great career and felt so proud of what I was accomplishing, and then I married and moved to nowhere Indiana. Indy and Chicago had been my homes and where I grew within the corporate world. My husband is a partner in a firm locally and will never leave...this was like putting a lid on my dreams, goals and I felt as if I could not breathe. To think no matter what, we are here to stay!
My husband said that I did not have to work as there is not a great deal of professional corporations in town and would have to drive over 60 miles to find anything comparable. I enjoy being a SAHM to my son and stepson, but feel almost guilty. One day his firms receptionist, yes I said receptionist, asked if I enjoyed sitting home eating bon bons and spending my husbands money!!!! Oh my, I made more than he did when I worked and I was using OUR funds. This comment motiviated me to start a company of my own and hired mothers that put their families first. My first rule was be a room mother and don't miss any school parties...we will work around our kids. It is going quite well and I am home with my boys. I think it would be great to start a group for professionals that are now SAHMS. I did the Junior League stint and professional sororities and it seemed that we were all trying to climb that ladder a little faster than the next person before settling down.
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Shannon 3-23-2008 @ 3:05AM
Rachel, I adore you…have for years. But you there seems to be an eternal underlying back-and-forth mentality whenever you discuss career women vs. stay at home moms. I know you love your children, but I can’t help but wonder if you are truly fulfilled. You just really always seem defensive in your choice to have children and be a stay-at-home mom.
If your fulfillment were justified, why even dabble in TV? I have lived in LA as a working woman for years. I know that people usually don’t take flights in to this city (let alone have a website promoting themselves for future media opportunity) unless they want a part of what Los Angeles has to offer.—If you are content being a stay-at-home mom…then stay at home!
You were also a tad snyde in your comments about mothers in metro-cities…seems like you are attempting to justify your point of view by being cynical of others dissimilar to you.
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kelly 6-24-2008 @ 3:20PM
Rachel, I love your blog!
I just cannot get into this show for one reason, I am a mom and I work full time, never once has a crew come to my house to mop/laundry/make dinner ect. How can someone really see what it is like to work full time and have a family? I am not putting down the show, I just think they are not really showing the mother that is on the show what it is really like.
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