Behind the Blue Star Banner

To be blunt and honest, I deal with them poorly. My husband and I have been married for nearly 4 and a half years, and we have spent exactly half of that apart due to the military. He missed two years of our daughter's life, and the first 4 months (and the entire pregnancy save conception and birth) of the twins. He has been gone for since January 7th to attend school (but unfortunately he failed out), and he comes home today.

When we married, we were a dual military couple, and it was easier to deal with the separation. Now that I'm out, I'm a part-time SAHM, and I hate it. I don't make friends easily, and I don't get along well with other military spouses (that stems from me being prior military). I know I can handle everything by myself because I have; I get through each day because I have no other choice. But the toll of our frequent separations has finally gotten to my husband. He's thinking of not reenlisting in 2010, even though he's up for the chief's board this year.

We're lucky though. He's never been to Iraq, only Bahrain, and that was during a 5-month ship deployment. He's been hinting that he has to do an IA, possibly in Afghanistan, and I try not to think too much about that.

That said, I'm so proud of not just our military, but the families that they leave behind. It's a hard job supporting our loved ones, no matter what's going on in the world.

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My husband was deployed to Iraq for a year when our son was 2 years old and it truly was one day at a time. I know he will be deploying again in the near future and complicating matters will be the awareness our son has of what is going on in Iraq and what his daddy does. During his previous deployment I was able to get away with telling him that Daddy was at work; he is working in Iraq; and it will be a long time before we see him again. Now, however, I know our son will be concerned about Daddy's safety along with missing him and all the other emotions that go along with a long separation. Throw in a younger sister and there are some potential tough times ahead.
We have always believed that it is the entire military family that serves. Everyone makes sacrifices of some sort. We are a unique community.

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We've been married 3 years, and he's missed about half of that time being gone. My DH and I got married while he was home from Korea on emergency leave to bury his grandfather. He was home exactly 3 days, and we got married on the last day. We already had a 3 month old little girl at the time, of which he'd missed the entire pregnancy, besides conception and her birth, and one day after her birth (he got there at the exact right time, she was a bit late, I think she was waiting for him actually). He was gone from the day after we got married for 5 more months. Then we moved from my mother's house in Pennsylvania to California, where we enjoyed a long while together. He was tasked for deployment about 2 months after my son was born, but due to medical problems that caused DS to nearly die, they let him "off the hook" and we lived knowing the next deployment was hanging over our heads, ready to drop at any moment. That moment came last summer and he went to Kuwait. He just returned a few weeks ago, and I can say that deployment was awful on us here at home. Basically, it is one day at a time, and one phone call at a time. I was so lucky because he occassionally had internet access and could write me, and he was able to call every week and a half or so. I dealt with a lot, mostly medically with my DS who is still not very healthy. I was also sick for a huge portion of the time he was gone. It was rough, but you basically just keep pushing yourself through. We ordered a lot more pizza while DH was gone (until the food allergies started sprouting up, anyhow, but it got us through the first few months), and I paid someone else to do my yardwork. I really just focused on the important stuff. I remember the week he left crying to my mother that I couldn't cook, clean, and do all the jobs he did, I was burned out. She gave me a piece of advice that served me very well. She said "It doesn't matter if every dish is clean, and every piece of clothing is ironed and put away every day, leave the toys on the floor and go play with your kids. They're the people who matter, not people who care what your house looks like." I did. And I felt better. And it gave me the energy to keep going.

Now DH is nearing the end of his time in the military, and we know the pressure is on. If he doesn't find a civilian job and has to continue on (which he doesn't want anymore, he says he has changed his mind since becoming a father), he will be deployed again..."over there" this time, and neither of us want to go through all this again, even though we all made it through ok.

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