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Potty school, calling in the professionals
Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Development/Milestones: Babies
I was chatting with a friend the other day about all the things parents are expected to teach their children that might be better handled by a professional. On the top of the list, after bike riding and shoe tying, was toilet training. Turns out that there is such as thing as 'poop school' and for some parents, enrolling is like "going to Betty Ford."
"Imagine my surprise to find out there were thousands of kids who had this problem," says mother of three Sarah Teres. Her daughter Molly was spooked by an automatic toilet at the age of two and thereafter refused to have anything to do with potties. By the time Molly was four-years-old, she was still in diapers.
That's when Teres enrolled her daughter in the Toilet Training School at Children's Hospital Boston. Run by pediatrician Dr. Alison Schonwald, the six-week program uses books, music and art to help kids overcome their fear of the toilet. "There are three things you cannot make a child do: eat, sleep or poop," she says.
The school also employs a psychologist, Elaine Leclair, who works with parents in a room separate from their children. She says by the time they get to 'poop school', many parents are are angry and anxious. "They come in feeling extremely discouraged, very isolated thinking they are the only ones in the world who have this problem," she says.
Schonwald says it is important for parents to see potty training not as a chore, but as a developmental skill that will "come in spurts with periods of regression." However, she says if a child isn't using a toilet by the age of four, it would be a good idea to talk to a pediatrician. And to put things in perspective, she adds, ""No one goes to college in diapers, right? Everyone will get through this time, as awful as it might feel if you're struggling."
"Imagine my surprise to find out there were thousands of kids who had this problem," says mother of three Sarah Teres. Her daughter Molly was spooked by an automatic toilet at the age of two and thereafter refused to have anything to do with potties. By the time Molly was four-years-old, she was still in diapers.
That's when Teres enrolled her daughter in the Toilet Training School at Children's Hospital Boston. Run by pediatrician Dr. Alison Schonwald, the six-week program uses books, music and art to help kids overcome their fear of the toilet. "There are three things you cannot make a child do: eat, sleep or poop," she says.
The school also employs a psychologist, Elaine Leclair, who works with parents in a room separate from their children. She says by the time they get to 'poop school', many parents are are angry and anxious. "They come in feeling extremely discouraged, very isolated thinking they are the only ones in the world who have this problem," she says.
Schonwald says it is important for parents to see potty training not as a chore, but as a developmental skill that will "come in spurts with periods of regression." However, she says if a child isn't using a toilet by the age of four, it would be a good idea to talk to a pediatrician. And to put things in perspective, she adds, ""No one goes to college in diapers, right? Everyone will get through this time, as awful as it might feel if you're struggling."
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-17-2008 @ 10:21PM
pbhj said...>>> "There are three things you cannot make a child do: eat, sleep or poop," she says.
I've "made" my J do all of those things.
One, eat - doesn't anyone with a baby toddler do this. You put the food in their mouth and encourage them to chew.
Two, sleep - rock him, sing him a lullaby, lie with him.
Three, poop - once J refused to go for a couple of days, he was scared of having diarrhoea again (fair enough) only he would have been ill if it had gone on too long. "Sit there and try". He tried after eventually getting a smacked bottom ... he felt better.
The only way Molly could not "have anything to do with" potties is if her parents let that happen. Sure there'll be screaming and torment. But I feel sometimes a little short term pain for long term peace is worthwhile (that goes for adults too).
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3-17-2008 @ 8:17PM
Mama2Kids said...I saw this today on CNN and almost started crying. My soon to be 4 year old is still not potty trained and I live with daily frustration. I have tried everything with hardly any success at all. He has no desire to do it and simply does not care. I was just saying the other day that I would give anything to have an outsider help us. CNN said there were a handful of classes like this around the country. I immediately went online to see if there was a class of this type in my area, but didn't find one. If anyone knows of one in Wisconsin, please post it! I am seriously thinking of taking a road trip to Boston...
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3-17-2008 @ 10:26PM
pbhj said...All the advice says to not potty train early but leave it 'til they're what, 2y6mo-3y or something?
Conjecture: I think that's where things go wrong. The kids get used to going, they know what's happening - often they'll go to a corner or special place or adopt a pose and then go [defecate / urinate] in their pants. Starting early with the potty (before he could really sit up) worked for us. But that's hardly a scientific study, one case.
Sorry that doesn't really help now.
3-21-2008 @ 11:14PM
melissa said...I too got very frustrated w/ training my 4th child-2nd son, nothing worked with this one. So, we tried the reward system and I know I am going to get alot of grief from this, but every time he would go pee on the pot he would get to pick from an assortment of hard candy. Then when he went poop on the pot he would get a "special" (hershey kiss). He loved this so much & was going all the time (a drop or two), but it didn't matter because he was going. After about a month he would only get candy if HE asked for it & "specials" when he went poop. Then we gradually worked our way out of candy all together with no problems. We used cloth training pants, which we told him they were underwear like daddies & by the way they are alot cheaper and enviroment friendly, too. We would use diapers only at nap & bed times and if we went in the car for any length of time. We now only use diapers at bedtime. And soon we will be working toward diaper free all together. YIPPEE!!!!!!
3-17-2008 @ 9:22PM
meredith said...My soon-to-be-5 yr old daughter just went from pull ups to potty in the past 2 months. We also were frustrated, having tried everything imaginable.
One day, I realized that it was so much her problem as mine. I was the one who was embarrassed and annoyed. So I dropped it. I let it go and behold! One day she came to be and told me it was time.
Now we are pull up free and are both happy with her decision. Don't worry, it will happen!!
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3-18-2008 @ 12:03PM
Tree said..."There are three things you cannot make a child do: eat, sleep or poop," she says.
Amen! If a child refuses to put the food in her mouth, there's not much you can do besides threaten, bribe or force her mouth open w/your hand and shove food in. Something I wouldn't recommend. A baby/toddler is easier to get to sleep with rocking, etc., but as they get older, it gets harder. Kids have their own personality and not all of them respond to parents, "putting their foot down", or whatever. Sometimes it's a control issue. Children spend their days being told what to do and hearing no,no,no! over and over. They seem to cling to anything that they have control over. I think it's helpful to give them as many choices as you can, like, Do you want to brush teeth or put pajamas on first? Do you want peaches or pears for lunch? That kind of thing. At least for my children, it seems that when they have control over their choices, (or the illusion of control), it's easier to work with them on the more important stuff. That's my kids anyway.
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