9-Year-Old Girl Takes On McDonald's CEO
Denise Albert: Mamarazzi
Out of wedlock births a national catastrophe?
Filed under: Media
According to recent statistics, out of wedlock babies now make up 40% of the total number of births in the United States. According to a recent Slate article by Emily Yoffe, out-of-wedlock births are a national catastrophe for the country. As one of the unwed statistics cited in her article, I read on with eager interest. I am well aware that single Motherhood has its detriments. But the word catastrophic seems a tad strong.First, Yoffe highlights a seemingly increased ambivalence about the cultural need for marriage as a basis for having children. The words "it's just a certificate", in reference to a marriage document, seem to be uttered more often by couples intent on partnering for life with a spit and their own set of promises. And since many women are no longer reliant on men for the security of salary, motivation to marry for stability has decreased over the years. It's likely a blend of hundreds of reasons, but the fact is: more women are having babies outside of wedlock. And Emily Yoffee says that is disastrous for the country.
She sites stats I've seen before, statements that are painful to read as a single Mom: kids from one-parent families are the primary cause for the increasing stratification of American life, they are more likely to be poor, have psychological and behavioral problems, drop out of high school.
I understand and believe that a loving, two-parent, and yes, married family unit is optimal for a child. But when that isn't possible -- and when a child grows up in a loving single parent home, with surrounding love from the families of both parents, I fail to see it as a recipe for disaster. In her article, Yoffe references Barack Obama as an exception to the "messed up child from a single parent family" rule: he is successful, intelligent, insightful. And there are millions of other examples of children from broken homes that have grown up to be wildly successful adults. Oprah Winfrey comes to mind and, less famously, dozens of my personal friends.
I think that more central to a child's development of his adult personality is the love, education, and value system that's instilled in him by the parents and relatives who love him fiercely -- whether they live in the home with him or not. I believe there are enough opportunities for educated, single parents to provide a robust, happy life for their child or children. And then again, I'm a little biased. Like any parent, married or single, I just want to do what's best for my child. I'm just not convinced that my marital status is the best indication for how he's going to turn out.
Your<span>Voice</span>
Ask Us Anything About Parenting
Recently Asked
- Does the dc superior court represent the irs in a civil filing or does the irs have attorneys?
- Why should anyone listen to a _____, what makes her an expert? Harpo is jus an actress, all she does is sit on her tush & claim she knows it all. ...
- Do people ever get a civil trial this is too many dismissals with out a response from defendants
TheTalkies:RelatedVideos
-
Snooki Gives Royal Parenting Advice To Kate Middleton
After a few tequila and bar fight filled seasons on MTVs The Jersey Shore, 25 year old Snooki gave birth to her first child, out of wedlock. Now she is dishing out advice to a princess.
-
The Role Of Adoptive Parents And Birth Parents
In this video, we take a look at the adoption process and the role of adoptive parents and birth parents
-
Pregnancy and Birth: Birth Balls
Gym balls can be converted to birth balls, which aid in low stress exercise and assist in birth.
-
Pregnancy and Birth: Dads at the Birth
Fathers can be active participants at the birth, supporting their partners and being there for the woman giving birth.
SitesWeLove
- Site Map
- |
- Staff
- |
- Terms of Service
- |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Trademarks
- |
- Advertise With Us
- |
- About Our Ads
- |
- AOL Downloads
- |
- Contact Us
- |
© Copyright 2012 AOL Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Aol Family
ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
3-22-2008 @ 12:48PM
Derek said...Personally, no offense to your lifestyle... I agree. Not saying there aren't good single moms out there "exceptions to the rule", etc. But there are also a lot of drug addicted, abusive, moronic, dependant, insecure, immature, irresponseable, people who are parents.
More of an issue of childbirth as a whole than single parents... I really think society would benefit from "birth rights"...
Unfortuneatly how does one decide who gets to have children, I certainly wouldn't trust the government.
It's a comlicated issue, but it sickens me to see all the stories of abuse against children.
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 5:52PM
mamaloo said..."But there are also a lot of drug addicted, abusive, moronic, dependant, insecure, immature, irresponseable, people who are parents."
Yeah, those would be the drug addicted, abusive, moronic, dependent, insecure, immature, irresponsible parents. To assume that single parent is synonymous with that is rather presumptuous.
3-22-2008 @ 6:05PM
Derek said...and I quote "More of an issue of childbirth as a whole than single parents"
I strayed a bit from the topic at hand...
3-22-2008 @ 1:28PM
W. H. Heydt said...The staatistics are suspect. Several years ago, it was noted that the stats were then based on comparing the mothers last name to the fathers last name in states (like California) where marital status is not included on birth certificates. If the names were different, it was assumed that the parents were not married. Since there has been an increasing trend of married women *not* changing their names, this caused a significant overstatement of "out of wedlock" births.
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 1:59PM
Michele said...Kristen, You are doing a great job. Don't get to hung up on the "stats". I know more people than I can count that come from single parent households, myself included, who are leading successful and happy lives as adults. Do right by your son and he will grow to be a good man. -Michele
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 4:06PM
SKL said...My decision to become a parent while was looked down upon by various people, and I was read the riot act by one "friend" in particular. Apparently in some minds it is the fact of having a single mom that makes kids stupid, disrespectful, irresponsible, hungry, unhealthy, immoral, etc. That is just immature thinking. The fact is the statistics are true, but it goes more to the reasons why the moms ended up with children while single, than the effects of having a single mom. Statistically, kids of single moms are more likely to be conceived unintentionally when their moms are relatively young and have low self-esteem, self-respect, or common sense; and who thus lack the maturity, time, and/or resources to provide the type of healthy environment that the average married couple can provide. Being younger and more immature (often the reason they got pregnant out of wedlock in the first place), they are more likely to be still engaged in the type of mischief most people grow out of - drugs, heavy alcohol, sleeping around, etc.; and they are more likely to deal with adversity (including colic and potty training) in immature ways such as hollering or throwing a kid against a wall or getting another drink. None of these is really associated with being single per se. Certainly none of them applied to me when I made my decision. But because a high percentage of single moms are in one or more of those situations, the "causation" is assumed.
I would say that the importance of a "father figure" in a child's life should not be blown off. Single moms (including myself) need to make sure both their daughters and their sons have role models that show them how men should act, and in particular how they should act toward women.
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 4:26PM
Caelligh said...I completely agree.
3-22-2008 @ 5:59PM
mamaloo said...I find it really strange that "out of wedlock" seems to mean "single parent".
My oldest son was born before my husband and I married, ergo out of wedlock. We were in our early 30's, professionals and in a long term committed relationship. We didn't know yet if we wanted to undertake the expense of a wedding or bother with a public declaration of vows. We were married to each other in our hearts and nothing else mattered.
Am I one to be lamented as being part of a nationwide catastrophe?
I think the US needs to get it's head out of its christian arse and redefine what it means to be a family. Condescending articles like this only serve to disenfranchise a significant segment of society. The author's time would be better spent working for better options and support for all parents.
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 6:46PM
claire said...I totally agree, Mamaloo. I was just about to comment since when did "out of wedlock" equal "single parent"? My son's father and I are not legally married, but we are completely committed to each other and our family and plan to be so for the rest of our lives. Just because marriage may be a traditional institution in which to have children, does not mean it is the be-all-end-all of the modern family. My partner and I don't feel we need to be legally married by church or state, but that doesn't mean we love our son any less.
3-22-2008 @ 7:14PM
the goddess anna said...Thank you! I had a child 'out of wedlock,' and almost exactly a year after having her, I got married. My husband is an excellent father to her (lack of familial genetics aside) and to the two children we had after saying our vows.
I'm practically a single mom every time the military sends my husband away. I agree with SKL that there's more to it than just being a single parent - there's always more than one way to look at things.
And Kristen, remember, there are lies, damn lies, and statistics. Ignore them all. : )
3-22-2008 @ 7:04PM
Kristin said...SKL and Mamaloo: nicely said.
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 9:01PM
Victorya Rogers, dating coach said...We can all see that this is the latest trend celebrities are promoting -- having babies out of wedlock (from Halle Barry to Minnie Driver to Matthew McConnahay and so forth). Ladies, ladies, ladies, getting pregnant on your man DOES NOT make him faithful and committed. If anything it puts in an element of distrust that could very well last you the length of the relationship. If he marries you, as Scott Baio recently married his long time girlfriend after giving birth to his daughter, you’ll never be sure if he really loves you or was trapped into the marriage, and he’ll never know if you “accidentally” got pregnant or if you tried to trap him. Neither is the ideal way to start off a marriage.
And girls, getting pregnant MAY get you an engagement ring but it does not guarantee he’ll make that final plunge into marriage! Bridget Moynahan was dumped by Patriots quarterback Tom Brady before she delivered. Rumors are already rampant about tension in Jessica Alba’s relationship with Cash Warren. And I’m sure you have as many personal examples as I do of friends who were in the same predicament only to have their relationship crumble when the girl thought it was the only way she could finally catch her man.
By the way, I am not coming down on single moms. Most of my coaching clients are single moms (I'm a dating coach). And I will tell you, they love their kids just as much as married moms do. They just have a tougher road than the married moms because they are one their own and they get no time off! Don't deliberately follow in the celebrities footsteps! Because when you do that, first comes love, then comes baby, then comes freedom for the baby daddy! But mommy, she's on her own.
Victorya Rogers, Dating Coach
www.mantokeep.com
Reply
3-22-2008 @ 9:06PM
ame s said...There is a world of difference between a 30 something professional woman being a single mother and an unemployed 19 year old pregnant with her third.
I was married for 8 years before I had my first daughter. My husband died when my girls were 3 and 5. I will admit to feeling embarrassed to be in public without my rings on, not wanting people to assume I was divorced. I can't explain why, I'm not sure.
Reply
3-23-2008 @ 1:20AM
Maureen said...W.H. -- good point about the name thing. I kept my maiden name, but am married with two children. My kids have my husband's last name. Some people have wrongly assumed that my kids come from a "broken" home. It doesn't help that I don't wear my wedding ring often -- severe eczema
In any case, I know plenty of kids who were born out of wedlock or raised by single parents and they grew up to be hardworking, happy adults. I believe that much of that is due to the hard work of their parent. Yes, I think it is a disaster when young women have children much too early and they miss out on a chance at their own career, but even then, they have a choice to step up and be a good parent or.... Some will make the right choice and some won't. I think the focus should be on helping single parents so that they have the support they need to raise children, which is difficult with one or two parents. Let's stop blaming people for the situations they are in and start helping our nation's children.
Reply
3-26-2008 @ 2:30PM
Christina said...I scoff at this LOUDLY. My parents stayed together "for the kids" and well it is was not the best decision to make amongst many other not so great ones. I have seen it before in other families as well.
I would have rather had ONE stable normal parent then two crazed married parents any day. I will continue to harp on the fact that whether there are two or one you need to give your child rules and parameters to live by, you need to be strong and loving. You need to teach manners and live by example. I think kids will see that whatever the case!
Reply