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Choosing a last name
Filed under: Divorce & Custody, Activities: Babies, Celeb Parents, Sex
My celebrity news feeds all wanted to share with me the not-so-interesting news that Denise Richards has legally changed her name back to Denise Richards. The judge approved her name change petition Friday, though her divorce from Charlie Sheen was finalized two years ago.The story got me thinking, though, about family names and what they mean to people. Traditionally, women have taken their husbands' last names when married, and then all the children from that marriage also share the same surname. These days, though, the only rule in last names is that there are no rules. Married women keep their maiden names, or hyphenate to include their husband's names. Children might get mom's last name, or dad's, or both. And that's just for married couples having children. Add single parents, unmarried-but-coupled parents, and step-parents to the mix, and it's becoming more rare to have only one last name on the household mailbox.
Yet just as we change it up and break all the conventions, I think we have to recognize that it isn't just a name. Names represent our identities; our choices about them make statements about who we are. Families who adopt a child change the child's last name in a move that says, unambiguously, "You are now part of our family." The decision to change or keep a name, hyphenate a name, or revert back to a maiden name after divorce reflects some meaning about the nature of that family. Often, the choice mirrors the struggles we have between "me" and "us," between honoring each extended family while becoming a family of our own.
What arrangement do you have for last names in your family? What meaning does that have for you?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
3-26-2008 @ 3:23PM
isisaquaria said...I guess it makes sense to sound anti-fem by taking the man's last name-given that I believe it began as a symbol of being one's property.
I do not have a problem with taking my husband's name because I know I am still my own person, the blood that runs through me didn't change--I chose to honor him by taking his name.
Just a side note-we took obey out of the wed vows.
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3-27-2008 @ 6:10AM
eli said...We combined a syllable from each name to create a new name. We've created a new family, with a new family name, related to but distinct from our families.
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4-02-2008 @ 5:41PM
Jenny said...I changed my name the first time I got married. The marriage didn't last a year, and I resumed my maiden name. Of my 11 cousins, all the ones who have changed their name have gotten divorced, and all the ones who have kept their maiden name are doing quite well, some in marriages of 15 years plus. So in my family, I feel it is bad luck to change one's name. When I married the second time I did not change my name and so far I've been married for 5 years and we're doing great.
I have been surprised how many people seem deeply confused by my using my maiden name, and how many call my children by my last name rather than my husband's. I was not expecting that, but I'm willing to live with it.
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4-05-2008 @ 1:14AM
Mom of Special Needs kids too said...I have a very common first name, and my maiden name is Smith. In college, I was engaged to a guy with a short, simple, but uncommon name. I was looking forward to taking it. By the time I actually got married, I was 35, and my husband has probably the 4th most common American name. Taking it would not have solved my name confusion problems, and I would have been completely forgotten by all of the people I had met professionally over the years. I thought it would be very confusing to have different names socially and professionally, especially since many of my friends are clients. So I didn't change anything.
Our kids have his last name. It occasionally causes confusion to new acquaintances, as they call me Mrs. Hisname. But with so many kids having different names from their parents, it really isn't a problem after the initial meeting. I let it go if a child calls me Mrs. Hisname.
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5-12-2008 @ 3:02PM
meg said...I always wanted to keep my maiden name but 3 weeks after I got married I went in an changed it without my husbands knowledge ... he loved it. It felt more complete.... Couple years later .... I am getting divorced and am taking back my maiden name and will most likely keep it forever since it is on all my work and license papers....
With this being said had I ever had children with my husband they would of had his last name and only his last name... Even in todays world almost all men's names stay the same and women still change theirs. I just think it would be wrong for me to name my son after my maiden last name ... that would mean I was naming him after my fathers last name ..... which was his fathers and so on, why would I want to do that to my child? If I can name him after my fathers last name then why shouldn't I name him after his own fathers last name??? I think some women are being selfish about this whole thing! And what is with having 2 children with the same guy and having each one with a diffrent last name? Women who do this are not thinking about the future and their children. What happens if you give the wrong child the wrong parents name? Who knows your kid could be pissed about this or think your an idiot. Some women today are so wrapped up in this who's name should they have thing ... Pick 1 and stick with it.
..... And people wonder why children have identity problems ... this could be a cause
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