Moms and tots: In conflict up to 20 times an hour
If someone asked me how many times a day my toddler and I butt heads, I'd answer "A million." But in all honesty, when I read about a recent study that looked into that exact issue, I was surprised. Researchers found that moms and toddlers argue up to twenty times an hour. No wonder I'm tired all the time.It's important to note that the researchers in this study set the mom/toddler pairs up in situations where conflict was likely. First, they placed them in a lab with toys that were out of reach and puzzles that were too hard. Next, they tape recorded conversations between them before and after dinner. Of course they heard a lot of arguing!
Honestly, I don't think I argue with my three-year-old 20 times an hour, but the toddler years are prime time for conflict. My personal survival technique involves turning the trite old saying into a mantra, "Pick your battles, pick your battles, pick your battles." How do you reduce conflict with your little tyrant?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Ethel 3-27-2008 @ 5:36PM
As a friend said, if it's not dangerous or priceless, ignore it (the behavior). I sort of do that, and when all the clothes are pulled down in the closest or all the hall rugs are rolled up whomever is the culprit needs to return things to the way they were before. It's not perfect but I don't feel put out that they made a mess I have to deal with and they have to deal with some natural consequences. Makes me crazy to not have a couch to sit on when they're making houses out of the cushions though.
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LS 3-27-2008 @ 6:09PM
Ummm... I'm not sure I get the point of this study. The researchers wanted to see if moms and kids argue in stressful situations? I can give you an exact, one-word answer that won't use up a cent of your precious, hard-won grant money: DUH!!!
Of course moms and kids argue. It's the nature of life. It is a child's job to try and get away with as much as he or she possibly can, to test every boundary and limit that's set, and to put a toe, foot or leg over the lines that mom and dad draw. It's the parent's job to catch them. That's just the way that life is. You don't need a massive study to tell you that.
In our house, which we acknowledge is run by a four-year-old, we take a lot of deep breaths, and we, too, pick our battles. I don't have the time or the patience to argue over every morsel that goes into his mouth, so I just make sure that there's plenty of fruit and veggie available so he can graze as his body requests, and the only meat I offer him is chicken and fish (man, I should take a few notes on his diet... maybe I'd lose these thunder thighs!). We keep a loose but pretty regular schedule, which cuts down on friction, because he knows what's coming. There aren't many rules, but the ones we do have are there for a reason, mostly safety (no, you may NOT ride the dog! that kind of stuff)
For other, bigger, things - and they certainly come up - I'm reading "Raising Your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, which comes highly recommended by a few other moms on this board. It's been very helpful to me in handling some of the challenges that have cropped up recently.
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