Well-meaning advice for strangers
Categories: Just for moms
I was pulling my car into the Walgreen's parking lot last night and braked for a couple hustling across the pavement with a baby stroller, the wife frantically (and belatedly) throwing a blanket over the top to keep out the rain. They had the look of brand-new parents: sort of shell-shocked, unsure how to maneuver the bulky stroller over the curb.I saw them again inside while I was at the pharmacy counter, their stroller dripping, the unseen baby silent in its protective depths. As soon as I was done with my transaction the wife pressed against the counter to speak to the clerk. "My baby has a stuffy nose," she said in a worried tone. "I want to know if these drops are okay to use?" English was obviously not her native language and she was confused and frustrated as the bored employee said he couldn't help her, she had to go to a different line to wait for an actual pharmacist.
They turned to walk to the other window and I hovered indecisively: I hadn't seen what drops they were considering but I really wanted to go to them and say that in my experience saline drops worked great for my babies when they had stuffy noses, especially when combined with the nasal aspirator, and that a steamy bathroom can be helpful too. I wanted to help these people, who seemed stressed and tired and concerned about their child.
I didn't, though. I figured they weren't there to get advice from random strangers, and what do I know about their situation or their baby's health. Maybe the pharmacist would ask the right questions to suggest a different treatment, or send them to their pediatrician.
I would never, EVER offer unwanted advice in the form of "Shouldn't your child be wearing socks?" or "Isn't he a little old for a pacifier?", but in this case I'm not sure if it would have been bad to speak up or not. What do you think?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Eva 3-27-2008 @ 3:27PM
I'm sure it would have been fine to say something, and if they were bothered, at least you meant well, and that's what counts. It's also fine you didn't say anything--they were in the right place. It's not like they were querying skateboarding teenagers in alleyways.
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maria 3-27-2008 @ 4:01PM
I but in like that all the time. That's helpful and they were clearly looking for help. Now - shouldn't your child be wearing a hat/socks - no - I've heard that before and wouldn't dare - even if I'm unreasonably thinking it!
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isisaquaria 3-27-2008 @ 4:36PM
To offer what has worked--I have and haven't. I probably wouldn't here, because of the language issue--that is a problem for me. (another story)
But, if it were a young, obviously worried mom I have said-Ma'am couldn't help but over hear-and I have been there. Sometimes, they will ask. Sometimes, they will look confused, quietly. I will continue. If they say thanks and act withdrawn-I say good luck and go on.
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mamaloo 3-27-2008 @ 5:01PM
I always open my mouth in cases like this. Heck, even when we've seen people perusing kids dvds, I offer helpful advice, "we bought that for my son and it really helped him with his letters" or "I've used that product before and it didn't do anything, but here's what did work and why".
In my experience, when I've offered my "product review" type advice and when others have done it to me, parents are really happy to have the input. Sometimes people decide not to use the info but most of the time people act on it.
I think that in our misanthropic culture so many people are too scared to talk to strangers. I challenge myself to get over my shyness and just give what I believe is helpful info and I always appreciate it in return.
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Samantha Jo Campen 3-27-2008 @ 5:10PM
I don't think it would have been a bad thing, but I understand why you didn't.
I personally wouldn't mind if someone helped me like that, or like the DVD suggestion mentioned above, since I would be inquiring anyway. But yeah, the sock/paci thing--no way. Mind yer own business!
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kim 3-27-2008 @ 5:59PM
I am the type of person that will ASK STRANGERS with kids if I need to know something. I am so unashamed when it comes to that because people learn from experience and I would rather learn from theirs than have to suffer through a zillion mistakes of my own. I am a firm follower of that saying, "A smart man learns from his own mistakes, a wise man learns from the smart man's mistakes"
I also will do the "Oh that worked great for me" or whatever, but you're right, I would never be like, "A BOTTLE? How old is that kid??!"
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Uly 3-27-2008 @ 8:43PM
I think butting in, in this case, would be appropriate.
And, like Kim, I totally ask other adults-with-kids for advice *all the time*. A few weeks ago, I even (after making sure it was okay) asked a five year old I don't know (that's why I made sure it was okay with mom first!) for advice on a birthday present.
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courtney 3-27-2008 @ 11:53PM
I think offering helpful information...like in this situation would have been welcomed. It's never helpful to question someone's parenting skills.
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Jessica 3-28-2008 @ 10:04AM
I usually only interject when someone looks confused or something. But, I think I would have not offered info in this case like you chose to do. I am not a doctor and, even if we're talking about something as simple as saline, if I don't know the child and/or the parents, I wouldn't offer medical advice of any kind.
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Janet 3-28-2008 @ 2:57PM
I have a feeling they would have welcomed advice from a seasoned, well meaning mom, but I understand your reluctance to but in.
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Gillian 3-28-2008 @ 3:10PM
I would have appreciated it.
I was asked once "Where are your baby's shoes???" by a stranger in a line up at a dollar store. His little booties kept falling off, so I just stuck them in my pocket and had him barefoot GODFORBID, and I was offended when she asked me. Frankly, it's none of her beeswax.
But if they needed advice, I'm sure they would have appreciated hearing it from another mama.
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