Why did 11 students plot to kill third grade teacher?

I'm just about running around my classroom right now shouting "AMEN!!!" at the top of my lungs!!! Thank you so much, Rachel for posting this. I'm a 6th grade teacher in the DC suburbs and it's so incredibly refreshing to hear you, a parent, finally say the thing that so many of us teachers have been wanting to hear SOMEONE who is a parent say. We, as teachers, definitely cannot do it alone and thousands of teachers quit teaching year after year because of the behavioral problems that are thrown in our laps to attend to and the lack of support we get from any given parent. Teachers don't teach because of the pay. They do it for so many other reasons other than that - one of the major reasons is because we genuinely do care and love the kids that we teach. But there's only so much of us that we can spread around to each and every kid. And seemingly year after year, there seems to be MORE kids that aren't getting supported at school and then feel the need to take things to extremes the way you've noted. We, as teachers, don't know why the kids are doing this either? But we also cannot be held responsible for the places that we can't be - like outside of the classroom before and after school! Thank you so much for your well thought out posting. It's heartwarming and encouraging for me, as a teacher, to feel like I'm part of a team that wants to win back the kids!

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"Ever since Columbine, I've had a bone to pick with the parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold."

WHAT? That is, quite possibly, the most audacious thing I have read on this blog... and I could choose from a long list. Rachel, you have no idea what these people have been through. Get a grip.

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what? The parents of the columbine killers DID have a role to play. Why is it wrong to question how they let their kids fall so far?

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"Ever since Columbine, I've had a bone to pick with the parents of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold."

Evil is evil, and no degree of good parenting can change it. Some people are simply born soulless. Klebold and Harris may have had a brutal upbringing, or a beautiful one; it wouldn't have mattered. They were destined for evil from conception.

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"they owed the victims, their families, and, yes, even the nation an honest explanation for what happened in their homes and families that led to such desolation, anger, and violence"

It's possible that these were both just horrible parents and created a monster, but I think it's more likely that they just didn't KNOW what went wrong. It's not ALWAYS the parents' fault.

This is a topic close to my heart and I get a little tetchy when people stand on soap boxes about it. I was a Junior in high school when the Thurston shooting happened: that's the one that no one remembers, it happened a year before Columbine. Kip's parents (whom he murdered before turning the gun on his classmates) were considered model parents by everyone in the community (plus his sister who was away at college) and Kip himself was considered a fairly happy, normal kid.

I don't know why this happened, no one does. We get all preachy and point fingers because it makes us feel more secure. In all likelihood the parents of Harris and Klebold are just as clueless as you are.

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my guess is this:

the parents would have told everyone that everything seemed fine to them. they talked to their kids. they tried to engage with them (as much as you can engage a teen). they gave them everything they needed, materially and emotionally. they would say they did everything most people would consider to be proper parenting.

and then...no one would believe them anyway. everyone would still say, "no, they must be hiding something."

so why would they even bother?

my guess as to what is causing all this.....

crab people.

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i live in waycross, and i can't honestly answer your question from anyone's view from my own. if we're blaming the parents, its because some are too overprotective while some aren't caring enough. sometimes we want attention, and sometimes we want to just have fun with our friends. i'm not sure what could trigger 3rd graders to be so angry, i'm only speaking on my behalf. if we were ever going to blame the school system, its the intense rules they have been coming up with, and i'm not speaking of violence. it's the harmless ones, such as food in the classroom, and this STUPID cellular device policy. i mean, once school is over, what's the problem?
but yeah, 3rd graders, seriously, i don't think they could have executed "killing" the teacher, but it was a scare, nonetheless. i do believe they should be expelled, but i think they need love and care as well.

-15/f

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I honestly don't know if this matters much but, the story I heard tonight on my local news (Savannah GA) stated that the children were from a special ed class. That could make a difference in their level of understanding of their actions. I'm sure that as this unfolds and more information is given to the public that there will be many different viewpoints.

Brandi from http://www.marital-matters.com/

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Rachel, I've noticed that you love to point fingers at parents. This is probably because your own kids are too young to have made you feel / look like a total failure up to now. Some humility, please.

If this family made mistakes, they were private mistakes. They have no obligation to cure society's ills. Their obligation ended when their kids committed suicide. Now I suggest you let them grieve in peace.

Besides, by the tone of your post, I gather that you already think you know what these parents did wrong. So, as another poster said, why bother to question them when you've already tried and convicted them.

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I agree with you Rachel ... I believe that if you try your best to teach your children right from wrong, have a close relationship with them, encourage them to have a relationship with the Lord and teach them to be honorable, decent people, chances are they will grow up to be good, admirable, loving people who make the world a better place.

Parenting is hard work, and it's *never* over. If a child grows up to be a hateful person, or God forbid a murderer, the parents let something fall through the crack somewhere.

I also agree that the Columbine killers' parents would have gone a long way by even just publicly expressing their sorrow and sympathy toward the people affected, much less helping the nation understand why the shooting occured. That they didn't gives us a glimpse into how their boys could have done such a despicable thing.

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First of all, nobody is born soul-less. We are all born in the image and likeness of God. The influence of our parents, family, society, etc. are what change us over time. It is possible to have great parents and very disturbed children. However, it is usually more subtle than that.

Let's face it, the family unit has been broken down and our children's morality is suffering for it. Children are exposed to violence and sex at younger ages than ever before. Many times they are left with the television, computer or video games as their babysitters.

How do we fix the problem? My suggestion is to start with yourself. What kind of life are you living and how is this affecting your children? It is tough to take a good look in the mirror, and until each of us do, we are going to continue to hear about these terrible acts of violence and immorality. We need to start taking responsibility for our mediocre parenting and start choosing our children over our careers, big houses, fancy cars, etc. We need to stop giving in to all of our children's wants and desires because we feel guilty about not being a "good" parent and starting making ourselves available to them and giving them the discipline and attention that they need.

I am not saying that this will change the heart of every child, but it will definitely save the souls of the majority of them.

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As I sat reading through the blog and the comments, it seems as if we are losing our focus. I think that we all have reasonable responses but we are all pointing the finger at who is to blame and not truly understanding that it is everything around us that affects our children and how they grow and who they grow up to be. At one end, I understand Rachel's argument but I also understand the other end. I had a school shooting happen when I was in middle school, and Columbine also happened a year before I graduated high school; I try to look at these things with an open mind and not adamantly decide who is to blame so to say. In actuality, it is a little bit of all of it.

Yes, there are a lot of elements at play, you can argue with television. There seems to be no limitation as to what is being aired but are where are the parents that should censor for age appropriate shows? Video games are becoming disgusting to me and yet is there anyone who censors or at least monitors the length at which they are played in the household. Music is becoming so vulgar in every aspect with sex, drugs and violence. I do believe in freedom of speech but yet again, there should be parents who censor or monitor what their child is listening to or purchasing. I’m not saying we should be overprotective but I don’t think we should be taking parenting lightly if we all have an emotional connection to this topic. Since school shootings are becoming popular so to speak, I think that the schools are giving their best effort in trying to protect our children. It does at times seem like they still have a long way to go but they have to deal with not only county and state law issue but bickering parents who think some of the rules and regulations are too hard for their children.

What I have seen these last few years, is that there is a difference in the way we parent our children now. My parents set boundaries and consequences and I knew where the limitations were. I did have moments where I did things that I knew where wrong and I ultimately got punished for them. Now, it seems as if children are having children and with the negative outlook on that, some of them are raising them on their own; children, who are most likely fighting with their parents when it comes to rebelling. We all have to know that we must provide a stable and loving environment but yet teach our children what is acceptable and not acceptable in our society. I do not have a teenager, so I have not directly dealt with the “disappointment” as someone mentioned before and I am not going to say that person hasn’t tried their best. I know you can argue that there were plenty of young mothers in past years but was the society the same. Some parents today fight any regulation that ultimately affects them and their family and some do so with out really understanding the facts as to why these stipulations are being placed. There is the homework issue, the “my kid would never do that” issue, we don’t apply those types of rules at home and we don’t expect these rules to apply outside the home. Many of you reading this will be saying, how ridiculous but I have a family member who is a teacher and he faces these issues every day. Don’t we tend to parent our children they way we were parented? So if some of these children have certain areas that are neglected, won’t that affect how they perceive their quality of life as they get older?

He has told me stories of how you would never know that a particular situation was happening at home. There are children basically living on their own because their parents go about their own lives and throw their responsibilities out to the wind. There are parents who don’t support their children’s desires to be writers, musicians, dancers, doctors, athletes and more, they don’t support because of money, time, not their interest. Whether any of us parents want to admit or not, if a child is acting out is a small way or in a huge way, whatever the signs, we need to not only be able to see that there is a problem but also admit that there is one. No one wants to feel like a failure, but children learn by example. What kind of example are we setting for our children in what we watch, what we say, how we act. Maybe there is some truth as to how we mold our children. I am not intending to take away from anyone who maybe grieving at a loss of a child, and if you are, please know that I grieve with you. We as parents do need to step up and take our responsibility seriously. We need to be attune to the signs and be accepting when we fail and be courageous enough to make solutions to help our children when they cry out for it.

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What about the parents of the children who bullied Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold?

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Dollars to donuts the parents are violent as well.
Are these single family homes?
Are these white kids, or kids of color?
I wonder if the parents and the kids will now consider themselfs victims of "the system".

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Hmmm where to start on this one?

It seems most of you all are again pointing the fingers and trying to evaluate and direct a situation that none of you have a clue about what happened. A simple motto that applies here and also applies to parenting "Assumption is the mother of all f***ups!". I feel a lot of you are falling under this one right now...

They didn't listen to their kids
The kids were bullied
The parents were too busy
They didn't love God enough
The parents didn't care
Etc.

We are in no place to judge a thing about the parents nor even their kids. Granted it's a horrible situation, and everyone would like some kind of closure and explanation, but guess what! It ain't gonna happen sister! All the finger pointing and whining and "bone picking" isn't going to make the situation any better. Would some of you like to go grab those parents and beat the hell out of them? I'm sure it would probably make you feel good, but what will it solve. Nothing, and now you are just as guilty of being "heart/soul/less" as the kids/parents in the first place.

As society is developing I'm seeing it more and more where children are finally getting to have a voice about certain things. Do you think if a child/teen acted the same way they did today, 30 years ago? They'd know better otherwise they would probably have wound up pretty sore. Things are different now. It doesn't happen that way and more and more we are "listening" to our kids. This gives them a voice and they expect to be heard and respected for who they are. (And this is a good thing most the time)

However now when they don't get this respect or attention they decide to take it out on other people. Peers, authority figures, etc. It's the same as being an adult now. You always see someone getting mad and shooting someone else for practically no reason. Well hey now the kids think this is an acceptable thing. Did we now spend this much time whining and finger pointing over the adults as we did the kids?

Unfortunately most of this can be chalked up to society in general these days. Everyone is too busy or just flat out doesn't care. And then they all like to point fingers in the end when it comes back to bite them in the ass. Try our hardest to raise our children properly, but in the end they are making more and more decisions that once upon a time, they never did or thought about.

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