Young girls getting highlights

by Jennifer Jordan (Subscribe to Jennifer Jordan's posts) Apr 5th 2008 9:04AM

Categories: Just For Moms, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Fun & Activities, Places To Go, Safety, Development, Celeb Kids, Life & Style, In The News, Mommy Wars, Media, Education, Kid Decor & Style, Mommy Musts

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It seems to be all the rage these days: talk of teens, and tweens, and their primping. When is it too soon? When is it too much? I remember getting my ears pierced at a relatively young age--I think I was in the second grade--but makeup? Well, even though my mother and grandmother generously indulged in that, I wasn't allowed until I was much, much older.

These days, as you can tell just by walking down the street, watching Nickelodeon--Miley Cyrus, anyone?--or hitting the local mall or salon, beauty is not just for adults anymore. And primping isn't just about beauty anymore, either--it's about pampering. I don't know when pampering ourselves became such a pursuit, but it is, at least with many of the women--and their daughters--I know.

A recent article in the New York Times probes this phenomenon. Girls want to be like their moms and the women they know. They want to go to salons, too. They want to get highlights and whatever else done to their hair as well as having their toes painted and their colors done. One girl's mother interviewed for the article commented that her daughter works hard and gets good grades. Her mother contends, because of that, she deserves a trip to the salon--to get her hair highlighted, to be pampered.

A woman who works at Toadly Kool Salon, where many tweens go for their 'dos, says she's seen little girls as young as six coming in for highlights. I'm sorry? WHAT??? Others echoed those findings. I cringe as I read all this, mainly because of my own experience. When I was a kid--and I mean a kid--my mother and grandmother (who was a beautician and owned her own salon) agreed to give me a perm. I may have told you this story before, but the result hasn't changed.

My hair was essentially a rat's nest until it grew out. I always wanted curly hair, though, and got my grandmother to keep perming away. The best result I got was a tight little poodle perm, not the long glorious wavy locks of beauty queens I so coveted. Perhaps my hair would have looked like that had I actually been old enough to take care of it.

Hair--coloring, perming, relaxing, straightening, highlighting, whatever--takes money, time, and commitment. Something little girls simply do not have. Perhaps you disagree with me on this, and i am no one to say mommy/daughter pedicures are bad, but I think six years old is too dang young for highlights. I don't care if Hannah Montana has them or not.

if this trend continues, when will it be acceptable to just look like you do? Three? Four? Or should we just go ahead and curl their hair and put makeup on them too? Heck, why stop there--as soon as she's out of the womb we should take a look at her and make all those changes. It'll be a mommy/baby daughter bonding thing.

Please. Perhaps this is the conservative mom in me speaking out now that I have a child but I see the hell little girls go through at an earlier and earlier age. Their self esteem is shot by the time they're six now because they don't have highlights. It stinks.

Whattaya think? How young is too young--or does it even matter?

Pic of hair like I wanted as a kid by Franco Folini.

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Comments (17)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Mel 4-05-2008 @ 9:20AM

Uh oh! Kids pretending to be grown-ups! When did this perilous trend start?

It is high time we purge our homes of every prop our daughters may use to play grown-up. Get rid of that play kitchen! Surely little girls don't need to be playing with pots n pans - the horror! Their self-esteem will be shot by the time they are 4 with all that pretend play! Oh! Also get ride of the mini grocery cart. That thing is a self-esteem trainwreck waiting to happen.

And lest we forget our sons: Get rid of those pretend lawn-mowers! We can't have little boys pretending to do grown-up things.

Can you believe the auadacity of some parents? Letting their kids play grown-up? What a sick indulgence.

Jessica 4-07-2008 @ 2:38PM

How do you draw a correlation between "playing" tea time and getting actual REAL AND PERMANENT highlights in your hair?????

Anita 4-05-2008 @ 11:21AM

I'm thinking there is a difference with little girls playing pretend grown-up games like house and little girls getting costly and time consuming beauty enhancements. My mother in law also owns a hair salon and there is no way I'd let her give my 8 year old daughter highlights or anything more than a hair cut. Little girls should not have to worry about looking beautiful as long as they are clean and relatively neat. There will be too many years to come when looking pretty is a girl's primary goal. Why encourage it early?

Tamyu 4-05-2008 @ 11:55AM

I had highlights when I was 7 or 8, and that was 20 years ago. They were all the rage then too. This isn`t really a new trend.

I can`t remember ever really wanting them, but I was told by my mother that they`d be so cute, etc. I gave in and had them done (or rather let her take me to have them done.)

I also remember a lot of curling, crimping, etc. But really, highlights are not something you have to spend a lot of time to maintain. Once they`re in, you don`t really have to worry much about them until the hair grows out.

I haven`t done any thing like that to my hair in YEARS (I only get it cut maybe once a year) and don`t even wear makeup... So you can`t really say it made me beauty obsessed.

AngelaFay 4-05-2008 @ 12:33PM

My husband and I have concerns about little girls growing-up too fast...that includes mini-skirts, half-shirts (or whatever they call them now), chunky high-heeled shoes, make-up and anything except a haircut done to the head. We figure they have the rest of their lives to primp and gussy-up why not let them be 'just a kid' for as long as possible. As far as the bonding reason goes - I just don't think moms need a trip to the salon to bond with a daughter. (To each their own, I know.) I also wonder what exposing a child to all those chemicals on a regular basis is doing. And about the home 'grown-up play' I think there's a big difference between imagination play, dressing-up, and pretending as opposed to lasting all-the-time changes done to the body. Just my opinion.

Jen Henry 4-05-2008 @ 1:43PM

Dear God! My mother dragged me to the beauty parlor (yes, that's what she called it...not a salon) for a perm and highlights. I think I was 4 and she wanted me to look like Annie...my mother also let me indulge in makeup at a young age...but then again she was a 1950's housewife where women wore red lipstick, blue eyeshadow, cinched middles, and heels to cook dinner in.

Now? I cut my hair short, in almost a man's cut. I don't wear any makeup. Barely use beauty products. It drives my mother crazy.

I'm not sure indulging at a young age equals girls that end up in trouble later on. I think it depends why they're indulging? Is it because THEY want to, or is it parental pressure? It makes a big difference on the outcome.

Jen
http://furoreandfrenzy.com

SKL 4-05-2008 @ 3:03PM

When I was very small, my mom caught me playing with her lipstick and told me: you are not allowed to wear any makeup until you are 12, and then only lipstick.

When I was 12, you could not force me to come within 10 feet of lipstick or any other "beauty enhancement." The only two dresses I owned were the ones my grandmother made for me.

Much to my mom's chagrin, only one of her three daughters EVER uses cosmetics, does anything primpy with her hair, wears high heels, etc. One of us (won't say which) doesn't even wear a bra 99.9% of the time.

To this day, I have no idea what motivates youngsters to want or not want to look different from the way God made them. Personally I have always felt that children and young teens are beautiful the way they are, and "enhancements" only take away from their natural beauty. But, I think I'm the odd woman out on this point, and I don't think that's a national crisis.

I think the important thing is to make sure kids internalize the attitude that they are naturally beautiful, and that cosmetics and such are only for fun and fashion, not for hiding flaws.

isisaquaria 4-06-2008 @ 3:13AM

My daughter has naturally brown hair-looking like me. It is not straight or curly or naturally anything except a workable canvas-it just works that way sometimes. She hated it-to the point of tears.

So we weaved it blonde, with fushia tips and straighten it frequently. She feels better about it and deserves something for all she does. If she wants it, and it helps are to focus on something else more important-go for it. Now, instead of feeling like everything is out of place over her hair, she feels more confident, stands taller and is more outgoing. And, as long as she understands, she is something more than hair and clothes, I see no problem with it. She is told she is gorgeous every day by myself and daddy no matter what she looks like-although it gets hard some days after soccer practice in the misting rain(;

isisaquaria 4-06-2008 @ 3:20AM

I should add...we do not allow short hair on anyone except the hubby-who must for the job. They can do anything to it but cut it short-

ninainindia 4-06-2008 @ 6:09AM

What's wrong with short hair?

isisaquaria 4-06-2008 @ 1:33PM

I hate it, so does my husband. I have seen gorgeous women chop off their locks and they, to me, look like snot.

It is a matter of opinion, but I just think it looks wrong on women and men. The chance that we will cut my son's hair is slim as well.

Karen 4-06-2008 @ 5:42PM

I am fine with my 11 year old wanting to do beauty type things as long as I dont' feel they are sexualized images.

She can paint her fingernails, but not wear too short skirts or skimpy tops. She can wear a bit of powder bronzer on her very pail skin, but no red lipstick. She can highlight her hair (if she wants to pay for it) but not wear plunging necklines.

Where is the line? I don't know -- it is the things that I view as sexualized that I say no to.

Michelle 4-06-2008 @ 6:30PM

Isis, I guess you would think I "look like snot" since I have very short hair. Frankly, it works well with my busy lifestyle, with a special-needs toddler and a high-energy preschooler and a hubby who is always at work. I like my hair-do, it looks better than long hair with my hair type, and I can spend more time tending to the needs of my family. As an added bonus: my husband thinks it's sexy that he has instant access to my neck!

Also, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't your husband in the military, doesn't he have to have a military-style cut? Since you think short hair looks wrong on men, as well as women, how do you stand to look at your husband if his hair offends you so?

isisaquaria 4-10-2008 @ 11:34AM

I do hate my husband's hair...so does he. He had hair down the middle of his back and when he retires it will be grown out. I miss running my hands through it among other things.

Laurel 4-08-2008 @ 1:19PM

It seems like every high school girl I see has highlights, and I'm a lot less worried about whether they are growing up to fast as I am really worried about the financial ramifications. Those are expensive treatments, and unless girls are being encouraged to save their allowance (or paycheck if they work), they are in for an extremely rude awakening when they are on their own and paying their own way...

Samantha 4-10-2008 @ 10:11AM

I'm 18 and recently graduated from high school. Everyone feels that they have to live up to some imaginary standard, which results in low self esteem and eating disorders. Let your kids be kids. If they want to get highlights it's to look like everyone else, this is not okay! Laurel, you should be worried about the kids growing up to fast, because they are! I'm all for being a unique individual, but children shouldn't need anything (makeup, highlights, cool clothes) to feel worthy. Encourage your kids to be different from everyone else, so that when they're in high school they won't have sex, drink and do drugs! I know only one or two people besides myself who haven't done all of these activities before they graduated. Kids shouldn't be allowed to do whatever they want. Trust me, give your children confidence in themselves and who they are, not their looks or giving in to how everyone else is

Meghan 4-21-2008 @ 8:38PM

I don't think highlights or anything like that should be nessecary to make a little girl feel good but some primping once un a while have no harm. Also, just b/c a girl gets highlights doesn't mean she is going to have sex, drink, do drugs, have low self-esteem etc. Sure, if your only getting the beauty treatments to fit in or feel better about yourself IS a sign of low self esteem. I wouldn't let my daughter get highlights until at least age 10 and thats at the very very least. I have a 4 year old and a 13 year old daughter. My 13 y/o never asked for highlights so when she was 10 the thought never entered my mind of having to say no or yes. My 4 y/o doesn't really asked for any beauty treatments except for her nails painted and for me to do her hair (just braids or pigtails no highlights!). My older girl straightens her hair and always says she wouldn't want it dyed or highlighted becuase she has warm blonde hair with natural highlights. Her hair is neither curly or straight just natural. I have no problem with her straightening or curling her hair. I have taken her to the spa with me to get her nails done massages facials etc. I feel this is just an ocassional indulgence and has no permenant affects to her body so i don't mind it. My 4 year old has had her nails done at a salon but thats all. I beleive in letting girls primp a little b/c they are girls but not too much.