New-mom body issues

From their own parents -- how about from their own PARTNERS? That was the one that got to me. My husband, one week after bringing our newborn home, asking if I'd done any sit ups today and wasn't I going to start a regimen since I was "home all day" with plenty of time on my hands. He nearly lost his life.

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I read the article. I received it the other day in my email. I guess the one conclusion I came to was that I never expected my body to look the same as it did prebaby. I kind of figured that when I took on the challenge of pregnancy and birth. I don't know why everyone has the idea that it will?

My youngest is 2, my oldest 3 1/2 and I'm JUST now getting back into shape.

Jen
http://furoreandfrenzy.com

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No-blaming the baby for the weight two yrs later is not okay.

Does it change your body--it can.
Do you have to gain weight-usually. Do you have to eat for two-NO. Especially after the baby is born!!

I can't fathom why anyone would not want to get in shape after a baby-you have a child to raise, model a healthy lifestyle.

Almost everyone, worries about the children sitting in front of the tv, junk food and processed foods--you love your kids and our concerned for the future of your children, be concerned for your own-so the kids do not worry about the parents. Love yourself as much as you love the baby.

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I never heard a word about my weight from my parents. I suppose my mom was just happy that she had a healthy grandchild, and figured I'd figure out the weight thing in time. I didn't lose weight after my first, and then got pregnant again. That meant that I was WAY overweight after my second. I remember my husband commenting (His comment was "Do you need a 3rd slice of pizza?"), but never my parents. I lost it eventually. Actually I'm thinner now that when I was in high school and that my mother DOES comment on. I really think it takes each woman a different amount of time, and it has to do with her life circumstances as well as motivation. I mean, it's not like overweight people don't KNOW they're overweight.

As far as the body changing stuff, I figured that'd happen, but I never figured I'd have so many hard feelings about iti. I love my kids, but I'm glad we're finished so that I can have the rest of my life to fix my body.

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I am a new mom and have definitely been more obsessed about my body than ever before. I knew it was going to take time to lose the pregnancy weight, but I didn't realize that even when I lost all the weight that my body would take on a different shape. I am now 6 pounds below what I weighed before pregnancy but my stomach is nowhere near what it was. I also have stretchmarks to deal with which is probably worse than the small belly I still sport.

I am more aware now of what I eat not just because of my body but because I want to be healthy for my child. I don't want to still be carrying the baby weight around a year or two from now and be using the pregnancy as an excuse.

My husband has been so supportive - he tells me I look great and has since the day we came home from the hospital. I have been the only one who has been critical about my body but I am the one who stares at myself naked in the mirror every day!

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Carrying a child does change your body even if you lose all the weight. It should be accepted and normal since you can look at your scars and flab and always remember when you carried a new soul in there. Of course that is easier said than done.

I think this preocupation with weight and looks and mothers is just adding more and more fuel to the fire. Parenting doesn't get better when the primary parent is expected to not only buy gadgets for their kids, bake and make 5 star dinners, have a clean house, work, throw insane first birthday parties and be in shape. Now how can one woman do this in 24 hours? How does she have the time to be an actually GOOD mom and there for her child if she is busy building a fake mask of perfection? I don't know. I don't think it can be done.

Now before people think I believe that all mothers should become lard balls and wear elastic pants forever, no that is not the case. I think it is reasonable that after 9 months you should be close to your weight you were before. Nine months is a long time and with walks and some light excersizes beginning about 6 weeks post partum can do a lot. Healthy eating is good too.

But I do have to take exception to the poster who said that blaming the weight on the baby two years later is not ok. No it's not ok to blame it on the baby. It is ok to blame in on a shift in priorities. Taking care of children and a home is very, very, very time consuming. While I would love it if a woman could be a great mom and not have her life taken over during the first three years of motherhood, it that cannot be done. It is the nature of the game. There will be time later to get back into hobbies and shape and friendships but you learn something as a mother.

The second you give birth, tired and sweaty and you look at your baby snug in it's little plastic box and think to yourself that nobody on this earth deserves more sleep than you and are about to nod off.....the baby screams. It is not fair! You are going to die from sleep deprivation!!! And that is when you learn that your needs are second to your childs for right or for wrong, for better or for worse and your ass may reflect that.

PS I was going to Youtube a video of me trying to workout with two children under two because it would show any man or delusional woman how ridiculous it is. I do it, yes, but try doing sit-ups with two toddlers on your head. Or push ups with one riding you like a horse. I just laugh through it because that is the only way I can do it. But that is what I had to do to get pre-baby weight 10 months later and I still have a moms body and proud of it.

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I have friends with husbands who criticize their bodies or make thinly veiled comments about their eating habits and their exercise programs. What's funny is that many of these guys have bellies and no butts to speak of! Charles Atlas they ain't!

But is it completely their fault? After all, these guys see the likes of Angelina Jolie and other celebrity moms like Demi Moore who appear to have sprung back after pregnancy like a rubber band and wonder why THEIR wives aren't thin and fit as well.

I appreciated Patricia Heaton's (Debra on Everybody Loves Raymond) announcement that she had to get some work done after giving birth to get her shape back.

Husbands (and everybody else) needs to realize that to demean a person makes them give up and feel that it's useless to try rather than to make things better.

Jan from http://www.unique-baby-gear-ideas.com/

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Isis, Thank goodness you put in your perfect take on the world so that we could all know how we were lacking. As someone who had 2 difficult pregnancies, back-to-back that included bed-rest, preeclampsia, HELLP, and one micro-preemie with an extended stay in NICU and all that entails while having a toddler at home, no family in town and undiagnosed PPD, I can guarantee it has nothing to do with blaming the baby. Life circumstances just are what they are. Maybe we do need to make ourselves a priority, but, it's just a fact of life, with a new baby, most of us commoners are unable to do so.

I am finally at a point in my life where things are settling down. My son's doctor's appointments are not as frequent, my daughter just started school and my health issues from the 2 pregnancies have finally started to resolve themselves. So, I have started working out, and finally am losing the baby weight, slowly, but surely. 21 pounds down, 4-9 more to go.

No one in my family ever said anything to me. I am lucky that my husband *says* I'm sexy no matter what size I am. However, I am short in stature (5'2" on tippy toes
) and have always been smaller than my Mom and sister, who are several inches taller. It became very depressing when I was consistently larger than my Mom, a grandmother, and my sister, who has also had 2 children, is significantly larger busted and is bigger boned. THAT, was when I decided to do something about it. I also realized I was never in any pictures with my children. I don't want my children to grow up and look back at pictures, thinking "Mom never participated".

PS. Jen, I tried to do TaeBo with my 2, I got quite the workout with one on each hip! ( I think they were about 3 and 1)

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Well, in my resolve to not have my life *completely* taken over and to get some much needed alone time, I'd go jogging after my husband got home from work (he's the cook in our family, so the timing worked well) once my doctor said it was okay. I didn't push myself too hard, just enjoyed the fresh air and quiet. And when I went back to work, I'd sometimes grab a quick bite and then go to the gym and swim in the pool, which was good exercise and, more importantly, super relaxing (there's a gym right around the corner from my office, which made it easy).

So some exercise and healthy eating did it for me, but everyone is so different. I have girlfriends who lost weight so quickly without exercise or dieting and then others who've worked really, really hard, but are still struggling to drop the weight. I fell somewhere in the middle, which is okay be me. Especially in the newborn days, my jogs were as much about having "me time," a part of the day set aside for me to think and relax, than it was about losing weight!

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Michelle-

Just because my choices were to make sure I was the best I could be for my children, doesn't make me the bad guy.

With two births in 4yrs, but one child to deal with-my own business, my husband's business, and oh yeah the army-leaving my frequently to do it all by myself--why waste time lamenting over something I have the power to change. You make time. It is a matter of health, plain and simple.

Same with two- one 7, one newborn. It just takes a determination to be the best you can be for your kids-

You have them, don't you want to raise and "enjoy" them--you can't if you are not healthy.

Yes, my husband is awesome-beyond actually. But, I have no choice but to keep track of my own inventory--if I can't do it all-then I have to do what I can. I can do more feeling good about myself.

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isis-

I agree that health is important. But the distinction here is not between morbid obesity or even obesity and the picture perfect health.

A woman who is carrying 10-15 lbs extra from her children is not going to drop dead from it! She has plenty of time when her children are not needing her constantly to lose that extra weight.

I would much rather her be there for her children and not come home from work and then leave AGAIN to work out. I would much rather her take as much time with her children as possible and do what she can with them.

As many have said, there are ways to incorporate working out with children although what a woman is capable of in that time may not lead her to be the biggest MILF on the block but it will lead to better health.

Also, you are being incredibly insensitive to Michelle because you were not listening to her. She was sitting there on bedrest, recovering with a micro-premie and with PPD but she should have chosen to put that all aside and workout?? Sometimes a woman is treading water just to survive. Not every pregnancy, birth or post-partum period is textbook. And I commend those women for surviving those months intact and I could care less if they needed a tent to wear. But I see you don't understand that.

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Isis, It had nothing to do with YOUR choices.

"No-blaming the baby for the weight two yrs later is not okay.

Does it change your body--it can.
Do you have to gain weight-usually. Do you have to eat for two-NO. Especially after the baby is born!!

I can't fathom why anyone would not want to get in shape after a baby-you have a child to raise, model a healthy lifestyle.

Almost everyone, worries about the children sitting in front of the tv, junk food and processed foods--you love your kids and our concerned for the future of your children, be concerned for your own-so the kids do not worry about the parents. Love yourself as much as you love the baby."

No where in the above directly quoted post did you say "this was my experience" You said "you should do this".

We are all sharing our very personal experiences with our post-partum bodies, and you didn't share one iota of your personal body issue. You simply said we must not care about our babies if we don't instantly drop back down to some imagined *perfect* body.


Hoorah for you that you figured out a way to have it all. Not all of us have seen the light. We are doing what we can, as we can.

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Isis, You seem to like to judging every one. You may have the perfect life with the perfect children and the perfect husband. But. You do not live any one else's life. So, feel free to share YOUR experiences, but kindly STOP telling us how we should be running our lives. THAT, dear Isis, is why I take exception to many of your posts. If you would stick to sharing your life's experiences instead of insisting that you have figured it all out and telling us all what we are doing wrong, you wouldn't rub me, and others, the wrong way so often.

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