What are your thoughts about SAHMs and WMs?

by Angie Felton (Subscribe to Angie Felton's posts) Apr 18th 2008 4:57PM

If you're a stay-at-home mom, do you imagine the days of a working mom to be filled with three martini lunches with clients, a sparkling house thanks to a cleaning service, and a closet filled with dry clean only Ann Taylor?

And do you working mothers sometimes gaze out the window and imagine the Betty Crocker treats, Oprah afternoons, and Martha Stewart lifestyle that stay-at-home moms have time to enjoy on a daily basis?

The Mommy Wars is always a heated topic (and frequently fanned by the media) but MomLogic is willing to tackle the issue head on. The first step: a quick survey to assess the attitudes and beliefs both sides hold about themselves and each other.

The results are sure to be enlightening for everyone, so thanks in advance for your participation in this project!

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Comments (18)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

the goddess anna 4-18-2008 @ 5:16PM

I filled out the sahm one, even though I'm not really one (at least full time). A woman should only have to justify her choices (to work in the home or in the workplace) to her household, nobody else.

Maureen 4-18-2008 @ 5:28PM

I'm a WAHM. I don't go out to work, but I telecommute from home and my kids are with me most of the time -- except when they are in preschool and I work like mad to get my deadlines met. I don't think I'd classify into either category and I don't really try to imagine what any other woman's life is based on her employment status.

Jenn 4-18-2008 @ 9:07PM

And being a telecommuting mom has its own set of issues that is very different from that of SAHM or WM....and I don't know about you, but I have more difficulty finding any kind of resources than either of those groups! Most of the stuff I've found is oriented toward women who want to do something like eBay selling or transcription, or something that has a lot more flexibility that telecommuting for a corporation.

d. 4-18-2008 @ 6:58PM

as i say the grass is always greener on the other side.....

Michelle 4-18-2008 @ 6:24PM

I am a full-time SAHM, and I completed the survey. It's a little humbling to examine your life like that!

Kimberly Coleman 4-18-2008 @ 6:39PM

I think that the media needs to stop pitting the two groups against each other. Most of us moms don't fit "neatly" into either category (especially in this Internet age). Personally, I'd rather focus on the ties that bond us rather than divide us.
-Kimberly Coleman/Mom in the City
http://www.mominthecity.com/

spotlight 4-18-2008 @ 6:49PM

I agree with Kimberly. We are not at war and i hate that there seems to always be tension (put forth by the media or otherwise) between moms. I had lunch with a friend the other day who expressed that she felt judged by others when she informed them that she was not breastfeeding. we do not need to divide ourselves

ame s 4-18-2008 @ 7:06PM

I'm a SAHM. I don't judge working moms, but I do feel somewhat sorry for them for either having to work or the ones that feel they should continue working so they don't loose their edge or standing in their professional field.
I had a wonderful job before my first daughter was born 10 years ago. I loved that job, but I loved being with my baby more, so I resigned.
I'm now the mother of 2 daughters, 8 and 10. I love being available to drive them back and forth to school, going on field trips, helping at school any time they need me, driving them to soccer practice and being able to watch them play instead of worrying about tomorrow's work schedule. The very idea of arriving home at 6 every evening and trying to cram homework assistance, dinner and bedtime reading and snuggling in the space of 3 hours makes me feel a little sick.
I don't need a designer wardrobe, an employee of the year plaque, an inground pool, a new car every other year. I need and want to be available to my children while they are young.

the goddess anna 4-18-2008 @ 7:21PM

I work because I want to. I am at home now because of my husband's military obligations. Do I like it, no, not really, because I'm not working at all. I am equally fufilled by both working and parenting, and I'm not afraid to say it. I'm also not afraid to say that I suck at being a sahm. Not all moms work because they want to live a more materialistic lifestyle. Some of us actually like to work, and others have to work to make ends meet. Please don't feel sorry for me, or for those moms. It's a tad patronizing.

ame s 4-18-2008 @ 7:39PM

I had children because I wanted them and wanted to raise them myself instead of handing them off to someone else for 8-10 hours a day. Parenting is a full time job, and my favorite "job" so far. I realize staying at home is a privildge and I am thankful to be able to do so.

the goddess anna 4-18-2008 @ 7:58PM

You seem to assume that if the mom is working, they are being raised by strangers. When I work, my husband watches the kids. We sent them to preschool for a while, to get them used to other kids and for the benefits that come with that (our boys are late speakers), but my husband and I are with them the vast majority of the time.

That's probably why they drive me crazy.

spotlight 4-18-2008 @ 9:14PM

"handing them off to someone else for 8-10 hours a day"

You sound a bit judgmental in that comment. I don't understand how you can acknowledge that being a SAHM is a privilege and appear critical of those who are not as fortunate to have the option in the next breath. Please people lets not forget that being a SAHM is not a CHOICE for the majority of women in this country.

Jen Henry 4-18-2008 @ 9:26PM

Ame s...You're right....parenting is a full time job....so why is it only a full time job for a woman by your standards? Where does a father's role fit in? If it's a full time job then it seems to me there's nothing wrong with shifts. I do my share of the work, he does his.

Most businesses aren't run by a single individual, even though running them is a full time job. There's usually more than one employee...sometimes several (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc)

I'm not trying to get the Mommy Wars started. Really I'm not. But please don't imply that people are shirking their parenting duty by working. Please. If that were the case then neither parent should work. The argument is illogical.

Jen
http://furoreandfrenzy.com

Mel 4-18-2008 @ 10:03PM

Ame, you get it. Thank you for that.

Eva 4-18-2008 @ 7:45PM

It's just that many people are not altogether one or the other. I'm basically a SAHM but I am in grad school (graduate in two weeks!) and I teach, but I do it all on nights and weekends when my husband can be home. I'm lucky to have that flexibility to continue to work on my own goals and keep up with my "career" (such that it is) so that if I need/want someday to bring in more money I can, and also have the great fun and responsibility of being my child's primary caregiver.

Tamyu 4-18-2008 @ 11:38PM

Hmm... I have to wonder how they`re going to interpret this (and I commented on it in the form.)

My husband and I don`t feel that we need "dates", so we rarely (if ever) have them. We didn`t really even "date" prior to having a child! To someone who thrives on that private couple time, it would be a major negative. But for us, who prefer snuggling together at home, it`s definitely not.
Same with "kinkiness in bed". I`m not kinky, and neither is my husband. I think we`d both be shocked if the other tried something weird! If a lack of sexual adventures is considered a bad thing, then it isn`t accurate in our case.

Really, for any of the questions that don`t directly ask about your feelings, it`s going to be up to someone with their own ideas and bias to interpret the answers - which may not always be accurate.

Judi 4-19-2008 @ 12:05PM

Exactly Tamyu,
Also, what the the number of times a week we have sex have to do with anything. My husband travels extensively for work so we have very little sex some weeks. Don't think it really has much to do with anything when it comes to parenting.

Patty 4-19-2008 @ 3:38PM

I'm a sahm now for nearly four years. I have never judged anyone for working or staying at home. I decided to stay at home because my mom was also a stay at home mom. It hasn't always been the easiest or best choice for me and isn't always for others. Working outside the home isn't always easy or the best option for everyone either. We do what we have to do in the interest of our families, then ourselves. I am also working at home, which helps to fulfill my need for networking and achieving something that is my own. While it is challenging to focus with little ones around, it still gives me the challenges I miss out by not working outside the home.
Patty, http://mamastimeout.com host
"Where 'real' moms come to talk!"

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