Me, Juno, and Jamie Lynn Spears
Categories: Teens & tweens, Adoption, Bump watch, Mommy wars, That's entertainment
This weekend, I rented the Oscar-nominated film, Juno. It's easy to see why this little film generated such buzz. It's funny, smart, and heartwarming. It also brings up the perpetually relevant topic of teens, sex, unplanned pregnancy and the ever-contentious issue of "choice". As a mom, these are issues of great interest to me. As someone who has personally dealt with an unplanned pregnancy prior to marriage, it is also a subject dear to my heart.
After watching Juno, I came across an opinion piece in the Boston Globe about the film by Ellen Goodman, a well-known feminist writer. Goodman is critical of Juno and a "wave of movies about unexpectedly pregnant women - 'Knocked Up', 'Waitress', and 'Bella' - all deciding to have their babies and all wrapped up in nice, neat bows". She expresses deep concern for the row of tweens sitting in front of her in the movie theater while she watches Juno. What misleading messages, she asks, are "being absorbed through their PG-13 pores"?
Goodman is certainly not alone in her thinking. Many adults, pundits and parents alike, expressed outrage at the recent announcement of 16 year-old television star, Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy. In a society that offers abstinence as an "option" for teens and follows up with information about "safe sex", the parental fury over Jamie Lynn is presumably about her carelessness and ultimately, her decision to keep her baby - not her sexually active status. And understandably, no one wants to see a teenage girl go through the stigma of pregnancy, the pain of giving up a child, or the hardships of raising a child when one is seemingly ill prepared.
When I first learned that I was pregnant, I was 27 and in the middle of a series of on-air live auditions for a seat on ABC's "The View". I knew that the producers were seeking a single 20-something and that my untimely pregnancy would likely cost me the job, no matter how well I performed. Moreover, the auditions (11 in total) were going to continue for several months due to the immense ratings boost they were providing the network; it would be nearly impossible to disguise my condition through the process. I made the difficult decision to publicly announce my pregnancy (on the show). Sean and I got married in a small ceremony a month and a half later in Arizona.
I was in a committed relationship, but I was not engaged when I learned of my pregnancy. Sean was still in law school and I was on the verge of launching a television-hosting career on the hottest daytime talk show. Professionally speaking, the timing couldn't have been worse. Plus, I was deeply aware of the embarrassment and disappointment this would cause my devout Catholic parents.
Of course, there are difficulties that one must endure in making any tough choice. Witness Juno waddling through the school hallway, missing out on prom, and enduring the stares of peers, the judgmental look of a school secretary and the insensitive comment of an ultra sound technician during one of her prenatal visits. Her wit, good humor, and steely exterior did little to dissipate the pain I felt for her during those scenes - a testament to the fine acting skills of this film's rising star.
I was not a teen, but I could certainly relate to the feelings of despair that drove Juno into the "Women Now" clinic. However, what Juno (and the women in the other movies) learn, is that life's problems always look their worst when they first present themselves. In those moments we are very susceptible to underestimating our own strength and the willingness and ability of others to help us through. But it is precisely when we are gripped by fear and self-doubt that courage counts most. The films and heroines that Ellen Goodman dismisses as "fantasy" all celebrate this little life secret, crumpled bow and all.
As I have come to learn for myself, an unplanned pregnancy and child often results in unplanned and unexpected joy - and not just for the mother. What Goodman and others, fail to grasp is that in order for that to happen, one must have faith, hope, and the unsullied optimism of a teenage girl to believe in such things.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)
Meagan 4-22-2008 @ 11:39AM
"the unsullied optimism of a teenage girl" really? Do you remember being a teenage girl? I realize it's different for everyone, but pregnancy or no, I don't recall ANYTHING resembling unsullied optimism during my teenage years. I loved Juno, and I'm glad your unplanned pregnancy worked out for the best, but I also think comparing your "bad timing" pregnancy to a sixteen year old who gets pregnant is at best a little naive.
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julie 4-22-2008 @ 12:11PM
I'm happy things worked out well for you Rachel. I can only imagine the emotions that run through a woman who has an unplanned pregnancy. Contrary to what you stated however, I'm not critical of Jamie Lynn spears for keeping her baby. Instead, I'm critical of her, and her parents, becaus she had sex at such a young age. I realize teens have sex, even teens from great parents. But really, where were her parents? Even now, she seems to be left alone in Louisiana while her parents are in LA. Teens still need guidance, and it seems like she's been on her own for a while. That's where my criticism is focused. With that said, I'm proud of her for keeping her baby. However, I'm also glad we live in a country where woman have a choice.
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Kara 4-22-2008 @ 12:12PM
I admire your honesty in this post.
I remember you from both the Real World and the View, and had no idea your first preg. occurred before you were married. Kudos to you for keeping the baby and for for sharing your thoughts during that time with us.
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Jessica 4-22-2008 @ 12:38PM
One comment in a magazine said Jamie Lynn had to "grow up fast" while britney was in the spotlight and that she was "very mature". If she were "very mature" I doubt she would have ended up pregnant at 16.
I think the magazines are glorifying her pregnancy and I think it is disastrous. As are movies like Juno.
Kids do not need to be having babies. It has nothing AT ALL to do with abortion or adoption. It has to do with protecting our youth and helping them to provide for the future, not cripple it.
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Sabrina 4-22-2008 @ 12:57PM
I had friends in high school who got pregnant, and it was a "Where were her parents?" kind of situation. I remember their emotioinal turmoil, and I rememeber it did basically "ruin" their lives for a while at least. I also remember becoming unexpectedly pregnany at 20 years old (not a teenager any more, but not much more responsible either) and I'm obviously going to be living that change for the rest of my life. Frankly I don't think it's bad to portray these kinds of situations for preteens to see. It makes them think. People insinuate that parenthood is a terrible, life suicide type thing if you're unmarried, or under a certain age, but it's not. Yes, it's hard, and yes it's not "mainstream" teenage life, but it's not the end of the world either. I'd rather have girls see all their options, abortion, adoption, and keeping the baby on the big screen and be allowed to make an informed choice, rather than running for an abortion clinic without a second thought just because they think it's the only thing to do.
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kim walsh 4-22-2008 @ 1:32PM
Everything happens for a reason...Juno is a great film!
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Jill 4-22-2008 @ 1:33PM
I am sure everyone is glad that you both decided to marry and raise your child together out of love and are happy. That is not the reality of most teenage mothers. The movies and the media glorify the outcome, girl gets in trouble, girl overcomes hurdles to a rosy future. But what about the impact on the child born into that situation? Who speaks for them?
As a mother of three, I know is it impossible to do everything and be everything to everyone. Imagine being a child yourself, trying to get an education, employment and develop into an adult, all while being responsible for the formation of another human being.
The topic of teenage pregnancies is huge. I ask what everyone else asks, where are the parents and where are the values? As a woman, I know unexpected pregnancies are precautions not well taken. I am not trying to point fingers, but we all know that the pill works 99.9 % of the time if taken every day, that condoms work if used, and IUDs work. I not talking about the miny pill given to lactaiding women, which is another story completely. Girls need to be educated and understand the their actions have consequences. I hope as a mother of a daughter I instill good values in her, am there for her always, but most importantly educate her on the responsibilities of her body and her actions.
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Jill 4-22-2008 @ 1:33PM
I am sure everyone is glad that you both decided to marry and raise your child together out of love and are happy. That is not the reality of most teenage mothers. The movies and the media glorify the outcome, girl gets in trouble, girl overcomes hurdles to a rosy future. But what about the impact on the child born into that situation? Who speaks for them?
As a mother of three, I know is it impossible to do everything and be everything to everyone. Imagine being a child yourself, trying to get an education, employment and develop into an adult, all while being responsible for the formation of another human being.
The topic of teenage pregnancies is huge. I ask what everyone else asks, where are the parents and where are the values? As a woman, I know unexpected pregnancies are precautions not well taken. I am not trying to point fingers, but we all know that the pill works 99.9 % of the time if taken every day, that condoms work if used, and IUDs work. I not talking about the mini pill given to lactaiding women, which is another story completely. Girls need to be educated and understand the their actions have consequences. I hope as a mother of a daughter I instill good values in her, am there for her always, but most importantly educate her on the responsibilities of her body and her actions.
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Karen 4-22-2008 @ 4:44PM
I'm delurking for the first time to comment too. I'm childless for the moment by choice. I remember your time on the View and I really wish you had been able to become a permanent host. I'm glad things worked out for the best for you and Sean though and your honesty is appreciated. I get what you're saying... you guys went through a tough time and you sympathize with the people in the movies...even though the circumstances might be different, the choice is not always easy. Can't wait for #5!
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cassandra 4-22-2008 @ 9:14PM
I liked Juno a lot too and I'm really glad things worked out so well for you, Rachel. However, what bugged me about the Jamie Lynn coverage was how praised she was for "taking responsiblity" and "doing the right thing"--which, to my ear, seemed to imply that terminating would not have been seen as doing the right, responsible thing. In Jamie's situation, she probably is doing what's best for her--who can know?--but I would like to think that if, after careful thought, a young girl chose to terminate, she'd get the support and affirmation she would need during that difficult and complicated, but, depending on the person and their desires, potentially freeing choice. I am happy for those who had great outcomes with unplanned pregnancies, but it's not at all the case for everyone.
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Sandyone 4-23-2008 @ 9:07AM
For most of the US, abortion *is* a bad thing. Many people like the idea of the choice of abortion, but even they know that it's not really a good thing.
Do you really think it's a bad thing that people praise her choice of life? I think our society needs to hear that life is a better choice than death a little more often.
John Mincey 4-23-2008 @ 5:44AM
termination is never the answer...it is a quick fix but not the answer...there is one left dead and one who will be damaged in the process...if you cannot raise your unborn child because of age or for that matter any other reason...give the child up for adoption...there are so many people who long for a child...you could be the provider of that child for that family...think of the preciousness of that gift...and before you judge me for the pro-life message know this...my wife was born under the cloud of rape...(her mom who was 16 went to a college frat party and was gang raped by 4 guys...got pregnant and chose life for my wife...gave her up for adoption into a loving home and she has had a wonderful life and is a mom herelf of 3...think what we would have all lost had abortion been the choice)...how can you argue that?...although i am sure some will
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Crystal 4-28-2008 @ 7:15PM
I have the same feelings.
My mom was 16 when she got pregnant, and had me at 17. (Married my dad at 18)
Had she made the WRONG choice, I wouldnt be here. My husband would be very lonely, and my two beautiful children wouldnt have life.
Needless to say, I am SO glad she chose life.
victoria 5-20-2008 @ 9:31PM
couldn't disagree more. i think abortion is magnificent and very necessary. i'm 25 and focused on my career and an unplanned pregnancy is not in the cards for me. period. i refuse to let someone else let me dictate what i decide to do with my body, my life.
furthermore, you mentioned all of the couples/people "longing" for children. yes this is true, but are you familiar with this country's foster care system? it's overcrowded, underfunded and poorly managed. there are millions of kids who are unwanted - perhaps they're not the right race, or too old, or live with a disability. without abortion, that number would skyrocket.
it's very hard for me to swallow the pro-life argument. it's invasive, prejudiced and frankly, ignorant.
Ramona 4-23-2008 @ 9:53AM
First of all, several of you here have stated "where are the parents" ? While this question is valid, it does not explain the problem entirely. There are many good parents out there fighting hard to instill good morals in their children, but, many times, it falls on deaf ears. I ask a bigger question. Why is society allowing this for our children? Don't we all have a moral obligation, regardless of our religious beliefs? Sex is oozing from ever corner of society..the schools, tv, magazines, the internet...parents with the best of intentions for their children are fighting an uphill battle. We so quickly judge the parents for not instilling good morals, and this might be true in some cases, but the peer pressure to have sex is overwhelming. Some think that the answer is contraceptives, but that just puts a bandaid on the larger problem. Society needs to change its portrayal of sex. There is a complete lack of repsect for the dignity of a human being in our society today. Woman/girls have become objects plastered up on billboards, magazine ads, etc. It is demoralizing and disrespectful.
Some of you have mentioned the importance of teenagers being able to make an informed choice. Do you really think a 14, 15 16 girl has the ability to choose to kill her baby? Let's be real. This is yet another bandaid on a bigger problem. I don't care how you try to spin it, abortion is murder. You are taking the life of a living human being, and if you don't believe this, then you are clearly misinformed. At 17, I was not told that the "thing" growing inside me was a real person with a heartbeat, so how could I truly have made an informed choice? Don't be so deceived by the money-driven agenda that keeps these "women's clinics" running. Unfortunately, I did have an abortion, and I have to live with that for the rest of my life, and I would never wish that kind of pain on anyone. People fight for animal rights in this country, but they are willing to murder an innocent baby...something is clearly wrong here.
I agree that the sexual conduct of young girls (and boys) need to change, but I do respect a young woman who makes a mistake, and chooses not to make another grave one by chosing abortion. Nine months of carrying a baby is difficult (especially as a teenager), I know, I did it four times, but in carrying that child, that woman/girl is not only saving her baby, but herself in the process. We should not condone the actions of teenage sex, but we most support the decision that these brave young girls have to deliver their babies, and place them in good homes.
We need to focus on the core of the problem in order to truly change what is happening today. Parents need to be present and teaching their children good values and society needs to stop pushing immorality on our children. We all need to take some moral responsibility for the future generations. Maybe then our youth will have a chance.
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Mel 4-23-2008 @ 11:14AM
Ramona, you ask "why is society allowing this for our children?" What does that even mean? What exactly would you like that "society" do for our children? As far as I know, "society" is a noun. A collective noun. Just like "classroom" or "group." It's just a concept; it cannot *do* anything. Otherwise, I'd have "society" clean my house and cook my dinners. Personifying society will not imbue it with the power to protect our children.
I may appear nit-picky, but this kind of talk is delusional and harmful. Talking about high-minded notions like "society" and its obligations obfuscates the actual problem: Parents do not parent. They reproduce. Then they pursue "fulfillment." They act solely on their all-important "feelings." Then, their children grow up and themselves become bottom-feeding dregs. Then, everyone gets pissed at "society." You know, society is *comprised* of people and their choices. That is all that society is. It is NOT greater than the sum of its parts. WE shape society, every day, with every action. So, yeah, it sounds nice and fluffy and appropriately blame-free to implicate "society's" shortcomings, but the non-delusional among us see that those shortcomings are merely a culmination of our own shortcomings.
Case in point: You mention the perils of magazines. "Society" does not produce, buy, or sell magazines. WE do. If we stopped producting, buying, and selling them, they wouldn't appear on the shelves anymore. Problem solved, if you think the problem is magazines. It's that simple. Really. I bought one such magazine yesterday; "society" did not make me do it. I may or may not have contributed to the further decline of our nation, but regardless, the choice to buy was MINE. Let me repeat: "Society" did not make me do it. I did it of my own free will. If you believe that magazines are harmful, (and you may be correc) then blame ME. Right now, do it. In your reply, lambast ME for "allowing this for our children." ME. I bought the mag; I should be derided. NOT "society."
As for the rest of your comment: Well said. It is unfortunate that you had to learn the hard way what it means to abort. I applaud you for having the guts to admit that you chose murder and that it was the wrong choice. THAT is a positive contribution to "society."
Victoria 5-20-2008 @ 9:35PM
You are incredibly ignorant. Abortion is not murder by technical definition. Furthermore, abortion has done a lot of good and saved a lot of lives. There are two sides of the coin, and it really burns my blood that pro-lifers are so closed-minded about this.
Ramona 5-20-2008 @ 9:59PM
Victoria,
I'm sorry that you consider me ignorant. Sometimes I wish I was because then I wouldn't have to live with the regret I feel for aborting my child. I am not sure how abortion has "done a lot of good and saved a lot of lives", but I can comment on how it has been very harmful to women being that I have experienced the aftermath of it firsthand and know many other women who have fallen prey to pro-choice rhetoric. Being that a baby's first heartbeat occurs before most women even know that they are pregnant, I am not sure why it is not considered "murder". If you choose to base your argument on this technicality, then that is your right. I am sorry if you have been misinformed about what abortion is. Maybe watching the following clips will help.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QBOAPleF1t0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=us_y9GP_-DA
cassandra 4-23-2008 @ 11:00AM
Though I am 100% pro-choice, I do agree with Ramona that larger cultural forces are part of the problem. No one is going to convince that me a woman's right to chose is murder, just as I am very unlikely to sway those who feel that way, but I do think it only can help our children to find common ground where we can.
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Ramona 4-23-2008 @ 11:43AM
Mel, thank you for your thought-provoking comments. I was in error to assume that everyone would understand what I meant by the word "society". The actual definition is as follows:
"A society is a grouping of individuals which is characterized by common interests and may have distinctive culture and institutions. Members of a society may be from different ethnic groups. A society may be a particular people, such as the Saxons, a nation state, such as Bhutan, or a broader cultural group, such as a Western society."
When I say that society has a resonsibility, I an speaking of the individuals that make it up..me, you, etc.
"WE shape society, every day, with every action" Yes, absolutely. This is my point. We, as a society, or better said, as a "grouping of individuals" influence others by our particular actions.
Your example of magazines is correct. We, as a grouping of individuals" make the choice to either buy the magazines or not, so therefore, we are making the conscience choice to financially support what they stand for, or not. Of course, we are all individuals and have our own free will. That is the beauty of humanity. Our influences, financially and otherwise, directly contribute to the direction of our world as we know it. If we don't buy a particular magazine, for instance (and I don't personally have anything against magazines), then eventually it will need to change its marketing or go out of business.
I know the last comment I made was that we all need to take some responsibility, and I stand by that. "we all" , as individuals, make up the society in which we live, so however you want to look at the word, we all do have a direct impact.
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