$10,000 birthday parties

I feel sorry for these parents who think that it costs thousands of dollars to "make memories." My best memories, both with my own kids and from my childhood, have nothing to do with the amount that was spent. In fact, growing up, we were kind of broke, so most of my excellent memories from my very happy childhood have no money associated with them. We had more fun with the "fort" that we built out of scrap wood that was lying around than we ever had with the few pricey toys we did have.

I think it's awful that these parents will raise kids who think that money and happiness are linked, and that they can't have a good time without maxing out a credit card... and then their kids will learn the same lesson, and on and on until we've forgotten entirely how to really have fun.

Our birthday parties include a cake, sometimes homemade, sometimes bought, goodie bags with crayons and trinkets and small snacks that I inevitably forget to hand out as guests leave, and lots of music. The kids play with the toys, the moms and dads drink soda and wine, occasionally beer, and we just enjoy each other.

Because fun isn't about money or stuff, it's about the people that you choose to spend your time with, and the way you feel when you're with those people (and the way you make them feel). And that's both free and priceless.

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Sadly, my son has been to a few birthday parties where the parents spend $1-2k. My son doesn't like them, because they're usually overwhelming because there are so many guests and so much to do. You can't sit and talk to anyone without being herded to the next overpriced rental attraction. I think these parties spiral out of control so quickly because the parents invite the whole preschool class, everyone at the office with a child under 10, along with all of their family who are willing to travel to the party.

Right now, my son is 3, so I try not to go too much over $50. Usually, I do a homemade cake and pizza, with a couple of activities for the kids. We usually have no more than 4 kids, because having a house full of 2-4 year olds is not my cup of tea. When he gets a little older, I'll budget a little more to accommodate a few more guests or a venue like a skating rink.

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In our area, it is not $ as much (though some do go all out), but more the size of the parties that bothers me. My daughter just turned 7, and most people still do the "invite the whole class" thing, sometimes they invite both first grade classes at her school. That totally eliminates the possibility of home parties. There is one indoor play place that my daughter has been to, by her count, 11 times! She is so bored of it.

We go against that trend and have small parties at home. Our school has a sort-of rule that if you don't invite the whole class or whole gender in the class, you shouldn't leave out less than half of one gender (in other words, if all the girls but one or two are invited, those girls would feel left out.) We just invited all the girls, (11) plus 3 more that she is friends with from outside school. Still a little much for a home party, but I think there were 11 total that came, which was fine. We had an animal guy come who did a little show and brought small animals ($150 - less than those jumper places.) Other than that we did a craft and had cake and ice cream. Last year's party the kids made homemade ice cream. And you know what? The parties have been HUGE hits, I have had many kids say "this was the best party I've ever been to." Simpler and smaller is better and more special.

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I did the invite the whole class thing ONCE when my older was in Kindergarten and the younger was still in pre-K. The bowling alley didn't offer any kind of discount so it was pretty expensive. Plus, their birthdays are 2 days apart. My younger is always delighted on January 14 because for that one day she is only 1 number year younger than her sister.
My girls now prefer the home party, with a sleepover. Our school asks that the parent mail the invitations if the whole class isn't invited, and I have no problem with that. The kids realize they get much better gifts when I'm not shelling out hundreds of dollars on an "outing" party, ha!

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I dread planning my kids' birthday parties. So far I've only had one outside the house and it was at a waterpark nearby--not more than $100. This year my daughter turned 8 and I wanted to take her horse-back riding but that meant skimping on the party. We ended up having 8 girls (not her whole class) at the house and had a scavenger hunt. I always make the cake myself. The whole thing cost me $45 in party favors and prizes and the girls all told their parents how much fun they had. With a smaller party, everyone gets to spend time with the birthday child and there is less chance of anyone getting lost in the shuffle.

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My daughter's preschool has an "invite the whole class" rule, so I invited no one, and sent cupcakes (that's still allowed, but if it wasn't I'd have sent something else) so they could celebrate at snack time with her. She had her friends from the neighborhood, and their siblings, and that was MORE than enough. We hold huge family parties when we're home though, my son's 1st birthday had more than 100 guests. It was done BBQ style with most of the women bringing dishes though, so that was cheap. My mom always let me invite the number of kids corresponding with my age until I hit 10, then at my 11th birthday she told me to limit it and we started to reign of sleepovers. It was a lot of fun, and I think I'll attempt to do that with my kids.

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You can get around the "invite the entire class" rule by sending invites to the homes and not handing them out in class.

I've done both. I've had elaborate parties with 75 people, all in costumes, turned a swingset with tower into a castle, had themed food, themed games, etc. It cost me quite a bit in supplies. I also built a maze in a neighbors yard. It cost me quite a bit in food. But it was a great party and everyone loved it.

But we did a party this year where she invited only one person. I had some chef hats left over from a teaching thing I did, and I had their names embroidered. I had aprons and I had blank cake boxes. They each baked minature 3 layer cakes. While they were cooking they decorated the cake boxes with stickers and markers. Later that night I gave them lots of cake decorating bags with different colored icing, and they went at it. The little girl spent the night and it was a blast.

It can go either way. We have started a tradition of having a small party for my son and then we go camping together as a family Sometimes we invite another family to go with us and we celebrate at the campground. It just depends.

But I do see a trend in getting away from the big parties. I think it just got out of hand. Everyone was trying to out do the other parties and I think the rebellion was to go the other way.

I just do whatever I feel like any given year and depending on what our budget is. We invoved the kids in planning the party and make sure it is what they want to do.

For me, planning the party is fun. I enjoy it and throw all out adult parties as well.

I say do what works for your family and for you kid.

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Amy.....AMEN SISTA!

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Going around the invite the whole class thing is wrong-kids talk and then someone gets offended-especially as they grow older--I do not allow my children to exclude anyone, nor can they turn down an invite w/o a valid reason (family, previous plans or emergency)--I do not think being rude or exclusive is raising the kid right

Have a family party--or invite the class

and the comment ($50 for a three yo party?) That is sad--The party for my 1yo cost more than that and it was only 10 people.

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As the parent of 4, I am saddened by the parents here--$50 for a three yo? Damn-I spent more on my 1yo and there were only 10 people and everything was from scratch, including the ladybug decorations, homemade invites. It doesn't take 10, 000 but it does take a decent amount----I guess everyone sees things differently, but after asking my older girls-now teens-the memories they have are worth more than any amount I could have spent. They loved the fact they didn't have to leave anyone out, no one got feelings hurt.

Sending the invites to the houses instead of school is a big problem, because kids will talk at school and know they got left out--you risk your child losing friends because someone didn't get invited...example new kid came in, mom invited 20 kids but because my daughter's closest friend were not invited as well as others (all were trying to be friends with bday child) no one showed because the kids supported one another....

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My good friend throws the BEST parties for her kids. They're so ingenious and fun. Saturday her ten-year-old had a "food fight" party with all kinds of totally awesome, active games (all outdoors). I heard several kids say "best party ever!" and it soooo was. My toddler and I had a blast. And it couldn't have cost too much--just the food and supplies. Talk about "memorable"! How much more fun and interesting than the typical party where you go rent something for way too much!

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So you think every child in a class should be taught to be expected to be invited to every party?

Pfft! Now is a good time to learn that lesson.

It is mean to hand out the invites in front of them, but I see nothing wrong with not inviting every child in your kids class to a party.

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I remember when my daughter was in about grade 3, I had the kids to our place for her birthday ( never anything fancy here). The kid said it was the best party she had ever been to.
What did they do, made their own pizza's had cake and ice cream and opened presents and get this after the presents were opened....... they were allowed to play with her toys!!!!!!

No planned events, no big todo, just kids allowed to play.

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