Guilt leads to the Dark Side

Do you know, I actually had a pediatrician tell me that pumping my breast milk and then feeding it to my daughter through a bottle was not the same thing as giving it to her from the breast. I was still holding her and gazing lovingly at her, even if she wasn't drinking directly from the tap. It's not like I propped her up with a bottle and then went out clubbing. Hell, I practically NEVER put that child down her entire first year of life! I just couldn't handle having her suck on my nipples. The girl could suck paint off the wall. But, of course, this is the same doc who told my SIL she was a bad mother for putting her daughter in day care.

When she weaned herself at 8 weeks, I felt so guilty, but she was so happy to be on formula and not struggling through those measly couple oz I could provide.

My son spent 3 mos in NICU and I spent those 3 mos attached to the pump every 2 hours, day and night storing up a supply for the freezer. He couldn't exclusively eat breastmilk because he needed the extra caloric content of formula, but I was so relieved to be released from the shackles of the blasted pump! I let go of the guilt and learned to just enjoy my baby.

Maybe it was second baby syndrome, maybe it was thanksgiving that he was alive and finally home, but I learned to let go of a lot of things! (not the germs, or the control, don't push your luck!)

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I don't feel guilty at all for not breastfeeding longer/more. My situation was really complicated, but suffice it to say I did everything possible for a very long time. I do, however, regret that things didn't go better, and very much don't want to have another baby anytime soon because I am not interested in going through all that work pumping etc. again, and I get insanely jealous of my friends who have an easy time of it. But it's my body that had the problems and I made the best of things, so no, I don't feel guilt.

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My daughter was formula fed, but I think I disagree that whatever guilt I feel about that is of my own creation. She is happy and healthy and loved and I would feel no guilt whatsoever (and I feel very little as it is) were it not for the "opinions" offered by that billboard and all the well meaning people who repeat "breast is best" ad nauseum.

Breast is fabulous, but it is not always best. We all have to decide for ourselves and for our families what is best.

Carolyn
http://www.momsontheedge.ca

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The following info might be useful to you, Linda since you're bottle feeding, and possibly a lot of mothers. "The Canadian government has banned polycarbonate infant bottles as it officially declared one of their chemical ingredients toxic. Nalgene brand water bottles had used bisphenol-a, which some studies in animals linked to hormonal changes. The move by the departments of health and environment is the first action taken by any government against bisphenol-a, or B.P.A., a chemical that mimics a human hormone and that has induced long-term changes in animals exposed to it through tests."

Apparently bisphenol can change genes and cause cancer. The evidence is so overwhelming and the chemical so dangerous the government immediately banned these bottles. Stores stocking plastic bottles containing the chemical have removed them from shelves even though the ban hasn't extended to water bottles and so on...the government says it will be a year before a total ban is in place. But in the meantime, babies won't be exposed. I don't think this ban is in place in the US since Canada is the first country in the world to have such a ban in place (to the best of my knowledge).

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Actually the Canadian Government hasn't banned the bottles, but they have opened up 60-day public comment period where this question will be studied.

http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/ahc-asc/media/nr-cp/2008/2008_59_e.html

They have come out however with strong warnings for parents using bottles containing BPA.

Just thought I'd clarify that!

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I don't actually know how I would have felt if breastfeeding hadn't worked out for me, but prior to giving birth to my first I had come to terms with the POSSIBILITY that it might not. I was that way through my whole pregnancy. Ten years ago my healthy sister developed severe eclampsia and delivered my nephew at 27 weeks. They both almost died. This had a huge effect on how I look at pregnancy and parenting. Just because you want to do something a certain way doesn't mean that that's going to work out for you. Before giving birth there were two things I gave myself permission to not beat myself up about; vaginal vs. c-section and breastfeeding. I ended up having a c-section after 40 hours of labor and never had that "robbed" feeling that a lot of other women talk about, but I was able to breastfeed. And boy did/do I. The first one nursed until I got pregnant with the second one (fifteen months). I'll probably go roughly the same with this one, minus the new pregnancy. Seriously, as much as I love breastfeeding my boys I'm lazy and you just can't beat the convenience of popping a boob in their mouth vs. getting up to make a bottle in the middle of the night.

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The end of my comment sounded judgy to me when I read it back. It wasn't intended to. Just so you know.

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Jackie has way way too much time on her hands. She needs a hobbie besides running around the blogosphere finding petty fault with other people.

What the hell is it about Parent Dish that attracts so many juvenile bitches? I sincerely hope these vile creatures don't have children because I hate to think about what they're teaching by example.

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I wouldn't feel guilty at all. You have to do what's best for you & your family. With all the news about BPA in plastic bottles - that is where my concern would lie right now; especially with the photo on the post with Dr. Browns - which contains BPA. Lolababiez Organics

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Know what? 20 years from now you could still be feeling guilty about it, or instead, look at your 20 year old huge young man and realize that it didn't matter where he got his food from, the fact remained that he got enough to grow.
Point being, you're doing fine, he's growing, and he won't care where he got his food, as long as he's getting it. It's all good.

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