Should manners be taught in school?

by Sandy Maple (Subscribe to Sandy Maple's posts) Apr 28th 2008 5:03PM

Categories: Just For Moms, Toddlers, Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Just For Dads, Education, That's Entertainment

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According to a survey conducted by ITV, Britons are ruder than they used to be. They spit, they swear, they don't say "please" and "thank you". A third of the respondents blame this anti-social behavior on a lack of manners and 90 percent blame the lack of manners on mom and dad.

"I suppose it's part of the breakdown in society -- the fact that we stopped having respect for figures in authority partly because those in authority didn't command it," etiquette coach Diana Mather says.

If the fault lies at home, shouldn't the solution also be found there? Almost 75 percent of those surveyed think not. Instead, they believe that instilling manners should be the responsibility of teachers and taught in the classroom.

I can see the logic - if mom and dad are lacking good manners themselves, how are they going to pass them on to their children? But to me, parenting is all about on-the-job training. If mom and dad don't already have a grasp on etiquette and socially-acceptable behavior, they can certainly take it upon themselves to learn.

Now, if you want to give teachers some extra work, how about teaching shoe-tying? Come to think of it, there is probably a book for that, too.

Teaching Manners to Kids(click thumbnails to view gallery)

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Comments (11)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Kerri 4-28-2008 @ 7:19PM

On one hand, I think that teachers have enough to deal with these days without having to teach kids good manners too. On the other hand, years ago, people of breeding and those in the public eye had good manners, at least in public. And where did they learn those manners? At school or with their tutors/governesses.

While I don't think that that line of thought either applies today or to the majority of people, there is something to think about here. Yes, good manners and etiquette (sp?) need to start at home, but I don't think there is anything wrong with teachers continuing the education at school. That children/teenagers be expected to use common courtesies is not too much to ask. If anything, it may be one small step to making this world a better place.

Jenni 4-28-2008 @ 6:31PM

As a teacher, I look to the parents to teach manners. There is enough that a teacher has to do in a day (that should be left for the parents as well) that manners are one thing that can easily be enforced by the parent. I remember my parents drilling manners (and respect) into me from the get go. I got in huge trouble when they found out that I was impolite to a teacher or a friends parent.
I will say that all adults need to demand that respect for authority; and that blame goes all around; including those teachers who allow them to call them by their first names (Miss Sally vs Mrs. Smith). Even preschoolers should be abiding by this practice. This includes all children to all parents. I can't even remember the last time I heard a child say "Aunt Susy" or "Uncle Bob". They know that they are their aunt or uncel; but they refer to them by first name.
This all goes hand in hand with manners and respect for authority.

Uly 4-28-2008 @ 10:56PM

I ask my nieces to call all non-family adults (with two exceptions - one person who asked not to, and another whose family is so close to us that they call the adults by the Turkish word for "mother" and "father", just like their own kids do) Miss or Mister Firstname...

But they call me Connie, no "aunt Connie" for me, I just don't like it.

And I watch them some 50 hours a week, and see them on the weekends as well! Believe me when I say that these children respect me, and are (mostly) polite to and around me. I love them, I do, but they *know* I am Not Their Friend, and don't intend to be anything like a friend until they're past grown-up.

sweetchuckd 4-28-2008 @ 7:59PM

Should manners be taught in schools? Absolutely. What is the alternative...encouraging student to be rude, selfish, and otherwise 'bad' citizens. Unfortunately, due to the rise of negligent parents, teachers are faced with doing a handful of parenting themselves, on top of teaching curriculum. If teachers aren't setting good examples, then we end up with a bunch of misguided potential.

I suggest everyone check out http://detentionslip.org for stories about students AND faculty who have made bad decisions.

Uly 4-28-2008 @ 8:14PM

It's not just parents who have to teach manners (although that's a start). It's also society.

Your little one will learn to be very polite very fast if every old woman, and every storekeeper, and every waiter was allowed to tell them to say please, or to comment that they're not being totally polite - or, alternatively, to tell them how polite they are.

Instead, people say with a straight face that nobody should ever talk to another person's child about their behaviour. Ever. I once had a mother start yelling at me because, when her eight-year-old child and his friends cut in line in front of me, and I do believe it was an accident, I happened to lean over and say "Excuse me, honey, but I was here first". Because I should have gone to her instead. (Meanwhile, I would have been glad to go to her instead if she'd been anywhere near her child, but she was clearly trying to have it both ways.)

And I don't think that's reasonable, and I don't think it's reasonable that I should be made to feel bad if, when your kid snatches a toy or bullies my niece and you're off at the other side of the playground with your other kid, I go over and say "No, you can't do that".

If a kid is misbehaving, it's *reasonable* that we should be able to say something.

(Which is not to say that parents should abrogate responsibility entirely, but sooner or later every parent has to blink, right?)

ninainindia 4-28-2008 @ 10:16PM

Manners are taught by example, so yes schools should model good manners for children. The more people children see use good manners the more likely it is that they will be polite themselves. It's not posible to teach this at home only.

PS Saying Miss "first name" does not mean bad manners in my book. It is good manners if the adult has asked the child to call him/her by their first name and the child has obeyed that request.

Uly 4-28-2008 @ 10:56PM

Precisely, Nina.

I get very annoyed when people boast about how *they* never let their child call adults by just their first name, even when said adults request it, *they* override this, because "it's a matter of respect and being polite".

From where I stand, it's not very polite or respectful to your friends to ride roughshod over their clearly stated wishes, nor to teach your children to do the same.

Carolyn 4-28-2008 @ 11:54PM

I don't think manners should be taught in school as a class or anything like that. It seems like something us parents need to impart. But I agree with ninainindia that teachers and staff at school can help to reinforce good manners by displaying them. We should all do that!

Carolyn
http://www.momsontheedge.ca

hope 4-29-2008 @ 1:39AM

Should manners be taught in school? Why not? Any reinforcement of good behavior is a positive thing. School should NOT, however, be the only place manners are taught. That has to start at home. Unfortunately, it doesn't always.

I agree with Uly that it's reasonable to gently correct other kids when they're parents aren't around doing their job. I was at the playground once when this little boy who couldn't have been more than 3 years old was throwing sand at my daughter as she was going down the slide. His mom was 100 feet away, talking on her cell phone, completely ignoring what he was doing. I told him five times--with gentle authority--to stop and when his mother finally came over she shot me a dirty look. All I could think was I wouldn't have to parent your child if you would do it yourself.

So, yes, if manners are taught in school at least they're being taught somewhere. Thank you to great teachers everywhere!

c_rousseau05 4-29-2008 @ 10:22PM

Even though manners are taught by example I do believe they should be enforced in schools also. What's so wrong about schools teaching kids manners? Obviously there is a SERIOUS lack of parents doing this themselves and even if they go home to mannerless parents the child will still benefit. We live in a world where NO ONE can tell someone what to do or how to raise their kids or there's a lawsuit or some really IQ point dropping drama brought on because of it. Brats raising brats...mannerless brats. It's so sad. I don't think it's up to the schools to have to do this but it's what our world has come to now, people just don't care anymore.

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Dashin Fashion Children\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ 5-01-2008 @ 5:45AM

I think that basic manners should be also be taught at school at a young age. This will help teachers create quiet and peaceful environment for kids to learn in - esp. when kids are older and have more tendency to act out.

Laura
http://www.dashinfashion.com
http://www.mykidsfashion.com

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