Parents, not Miley, are to blame

by Rachel Campos-Duffy (Subscribe to Rachel Campos-Duffy's posts) Apr 29th 2008 12:30PM

Well, this week I feel (sadly) vindicated. This is exactly what happens when we entrust Hollywood, the media, and corporations with our children!

First, parents of young Hannah Montana fans had to explain the leaked photos of a bra-clad Miley and her boyfriend on the Internet. Then they were treated to a very grown-up photo spread of Disney's 15 year-old teen-queen with bedroom hair and only a silk bed sheet covering her nude body.

Not too long ago another Disney star, High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens, had to apologize for her leaked nude photos. Like this latest Disney debacle, it too sparked endless discussions on the fan sites and message boards that so many very young girls frequent.

Frankly, the shocked headlines are what I find so shocking. Well, that and all of the "outraged" parents. Don't they realize that this "teenager" is a billion dollar franchise whose marketing plan depends on capturing a younger and younger audience?

The operative word here is "teenager". She's a teenager and if only teenagers watched Hannah Montana, this incident could actually be a teachable moment where we warn teens about taking compromising photos in the age of the Internet and Girls Gone Wild.Unfortunately, Miley's audience not only includes my 17 year old niece, but also 5 to 11 year olds, who happen to be the most susceptible consumers of the ubiquitous junk sold in her name. So now, parents with 6 year-olds in the Hannah Montana fan club will have to have a conversation they would just as well have put off for another 8 years.

In the end, this isn't Disney's fault and it's certainly not Vanity Fair's. It's not even Barbara Walter's, who told us in her glossy post-Oscar interview, that Miley was a "role model". And a "Christian!"

No, parents of young children have only themselves to blame for allowing Miley to become their 2nd graders' role-model. Have we all forgetten about the term "age-appropriate"? Or at least the joy of a childhood where playing "house" did not involve a bored baby-doll masquerading as a streetwalker (have you seen the Bratz babies?).

It seems that too many parents these days are too tired or too busy to swim against the current. We want our kids to fit in. We'd rather not deal with the nagging, so we give in and buy the video game or doll or outfit without thinking it through. We defer to kids, instead of carefully evaluating products and programs to see if their messages actually reflect our values. Thus, we end up mindlessly encouraging and financing a disturbing trend.

Since I first started blogging for ParentDish this fall, I have sounded off numerous times about the pressure on our kids, and especially our girls, to grow up too fast. From sexy Halloween costumes to thongs and racy t-shirt messages, our little girls are being robbed of their right to just be little girls.

My oldest daughter is eight years old and High School Musical, Hannah Montana and the like are not permitted in my house. I don't want my girls emulating a teenager in a micro-miniskirt and thigh high stockings - I don't care how benign the bubble gum pop songs are. Moms like me are called a lot of things - controlling, prudes, and helicopter moms. Why? Because we'd rather our girls aspire to be astronauts or veterinarians rather than gyrating wanna-be "rock stars"?

It's not easy. My daughter may very well be the only girl in her class who does not own a Bratz doll or watch concerts and sitcoms with teenage themes and stars. With a precious few exceptions, it is only through my blog that I encounter like-minded parents. Thank God for the Internet! I was beginning to feel like an island unto myself. Never mind the irony that it's the ex-MTV girl who's forbidding the Disney Channel in her home.

Still, there are plenty of moms who visit my blog who disagree with my parenting style. And that's OK. They can't understand why I'm trying so hard to protect my girls from cultural forces that would have them start thinking about boyfriends, break-ups, mid-driffs, and make-up long before I think they should. I'm repeatedly told, "You can't protect your kids from the world". Perhaps, but I can try.

Look, what 15 year-old starlet wouldn't fall under the spell of the iconic Annie Leibovitz and the surreal atmosphere of a fancy celebrity photo-shoot where everyone's telling you how beautiful you look? Sure, her handlers should have known better. And of course, the judgment of her famous dad - who actually participated in a series of loungy photos that were more "hot Hollywood couple" than daddy and his teenage girl - is rightly being called into question.

But the problem is not Disney, or Miley, or Billy Ray Cyrus. Christian or not, Miley is a teenage girl susceptible to all the temptations that have tripped up child stars since the dawn of television. Teen stars haven't changed all that much, parents have changed. And yes, the media has also changed. So let's all slow down and become more reflective and selective about the culture (and role models) our young children consume.

Until parents of little girls and little boys decide that "age-appropriate" matters, Hollywood, Mattel and every other corporate entity will continue to serve up shows and products aimed at capturing the widest range of young consumers, regardless of the implications on a child's innocence. They're just doing their job. Are we?

To learn more about Rachel visit www.rachelcamposduffy.com

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Comments (30)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 2)

Monica 4-29-2008 @ 1:18PM

Actually I DO think that parents are to blame in this situation. Not only the parents who are allowing or encouraging the choice of role models, but the parents of Miley Cyrus. Neither I nor my family fall into the target market for Hannah Montana so I haven't seen much information on her, but I watched a red carpet interview at some awards show with her and her dad and without video I'd have been hard pressed to tell you who the adult was. It's nice to be a friend to your kid but you've got to be a parent too.

Michelle 4-29-2008 @ 2:28PM

Rachel,

I totally agree Miley's parents are to blame for the recent Vanity Fair picture. When my husband saw it, he didn't think it was THAT bad, but I had to disagree. The photo shows Miley as if she is covered only by a silk sheet, with disheveled hair, and smeared red lipstick. I think we get the message here-sex sells. If it weren't for the fact that she is only 15, I can imagine the photos would have even been more provacative. What about those pictures with her Dad,too? She's wearing tight jeans and her midriff is showing. I think the PARENTS should be embarrassed, not Miley!

I have an 8-year old daughter too, and I feel that I am very strict about what she watches on TV. I do not allow her to watch the Disney Channel shows like Hannah Montana because I do not want her to start idolizing girls like that. I know Miley Cyrus up to this point has had a "squeaky clean" image, but personally I never even liked her style of clothing-to me it looks messy and ugly. I don't want my kids to think they can or will dress like that. What ever happened to a pair of pants and a sweater? Anyway, I'm glad I don't have to explain the recent photos to her.

My daughter has asked me why she can't do things like other kids--which means watching the Disney Channel and Nickelodeon in the afternoons/evenings. I just tell her that I don't think those shows are of good quality for her to watch. I told her that some of those shows depict more adult-like situations, and even if she were older, I still wouldn't think they would be a good choice of tv shows. With over 200 cable channels, I KNOW there are plenty of worthwhile programs I can find for her and her sisters to watch.

HOWEVER, I do let my kids watch High School Musical. They are not die-hard fans or anything, but they enjoy the movies (1&2). And as far as movies go, these are very tame (and I'm really picky!). I have watched the movies along with them. There is no skimpy dressing or making out or sex. There is a pool scene where the girls are wearing modest 1 and 2-piece suits-fine in my opinion. There is also a scene in which the Ashley Tisdale character sings in a mini-skirt. But I think the reason for having her character in the movie is to show kids they should not aspire to be like the snooty, high-fashion drama queens of high school. I would love for my kids to be as polite and intelligent as the kids of HSM. And I would love for my daughters to have a boyfriend as kind and innocent as Troy! My kids even want to join dancing and theater classes because of these movies. As far as the Vanessa Hudgens thing, it doesn't really bother me. It would if she were in weekly show like Hannah Montana, where lots of young girls were idolizing her. But a lot of celebrities have made mistakes, and I still respect and enjoy their Hollywood talents.

But just as Miley's parents should have used their discretion in the VF photo shoot, we as parents have to do the same thing when choosing what our young kids should and should not watch. More importantly, our girls have to hold themselves at a higher standard--and we as moms and dads need to teach them what this is.

ida 4-29-2008 @ 2:25PM

I agree with you wholeheartedly. I have a first grader whose female classmates only talk about HM! As a result, we have watched the show a handful of times, but I am a stickler for the age-appropriate rules and I didn't think it was a good idea for him to watch this show just as I would not think it's a good idea for his best friend to be a freshman in high school. As the mother of a boy, I find pressure to join the violent/advanced toy and video world and I flat-out refuse. I want my children to be children; I'm really glad my little girl is still a preschooler! I think is shameful - for all of the parents who let their girls pretend to be teenagers before their time and for the parents of Miley. As a society, we should not wonder how we end up with Britneys...

Eva 4-29-2008 @ 2:46PM

I was recently visiting a friend's house and her 5- and 7-year-old daughters were watching Hannah Montana. They tried to convince me it was "educational" since it was on the Disney channel, but I felt like I was watching an adult sitcom with all the sexual and scatological innuendo. To me that is more of a concern than the use of swear words. It was like watching Friends which, dearly though I love that show, is not for kids. And those girls LOVE this show; they love to dress up like her and dance like her, etc. When I was their age I played "My little pony". So different. I really want to be strict about this stuff with my little girl, too. Even the toddler bathing suits are largely too slutty for my taste. It'll be a hard road.

kim walsh 4-29-2008 @ 7:21PM

I grew up watching Little House on the Prarie so these shows that are on for my six year old disgust me. We watch The Food Network when she wants a show. She loves it and so do I. Try it and see how much they want to start helping you in the kitchen to cook dinner. It just makes me sad to see how many little girls look up to someones who is twice thier age. We need better role models for our kids and it should start at home by being a good parent and not Hannah Montanta running your house.

ris 4-29-2008 @ 3:19PM

i completely agree about little girls being allowed to be little girls. i have such a hard time even finding clothes i think are appropriate for her age in her size. we also do not allow bratz and hannah montana and my daughter understands why. in fact once while standing in line one morning at school all the little girls were talking about all their bratz toys and hannah montana things while my girl stood silently amoung them listening. finally one girl asked her what things she had and when she replied nothing they all started acting like they were so much cooler. one mom corrected her daughter saying it wasn't polite to brag about all the things you have to someone who doesn't have things and toys like you do. then my daughter says, " oh i have a lot of toys but those kind are not appropriate for a little girl my age." boy did that moms face turn red and i was so proud of my girl!

Jessica 4-29-2008 @ 3:07PM

I wholeheartedly agree with you Rachel (for once).

And I wonder how confusing it is for young girls to see Miley hanging all over her dad as well. Blech! Makes me want to vomit, and Billy Ray should be ashamed.

My daughter is only 2.5 and there are already strict no Bratz, etc. rules in place in my house.

Judy 4-29-2008 @ 3:59PM

Unfortunately my daughter lives with her dad in a different state, so he makes the majority of the decisions on what she can or can't be exposed to. (She is 12.) Fortunately, all the time she spent with me when she was younger made a big impression, and she so far has no desire to get all "sexed up" - no asking to wear makeup, shave her legs/armpits, wear inappropriate clothes. In fact, in a lot of ways, her living with her dad has her trying to be more like the way I hoped she would be. She never had Bratz or the like when she was with me.

(And yes, this does seem pretty strange coming from a former stripper. But I'm pretty much for whatever consenting adults want, but I'm pretty strict about what kids should be exposed to. And you could argue I ended up a stripper because of what I was exposed to as a child, like my sisters finding my parents porn collection and showing me when I was 6. But anyway ...)

I agree with everything here, and think one of the most disturbing things is the pictures of Miley and her dad. They DO NOT look like father and daughter, but look like lovers.

We have 2 sons, and even with boys it's a fight to keep them on age-appropriate things. We do not have a TV or cable, because even if you want to watch a show that is appropriate, the commercials often aren't. It bothers me when I see so many kids on the playground, my son's age and even younger (my older son is 4), wearing things like the Hulk or Spiderman. I can't help but think that's not appropriate for boys at such a young age. My boys get Thomas the Tank Engine, Bob the Builder, and Cars, and that's as grown-up as it gets.

Judy 4-29-2008 @ 4:01PM

Good for you, and good for your daughter!

Rob O. 4-29-2008 @ 4:13PM

Sure, it's a given that parents shouldn't relinquish their responsibilities to the 'judgement' of Hollywood - or anyone else for that matter. We're supposed to be in the driver's seat and are responsible for steering our children away from junk like this.

But still, Miley's parents are certainly to blame for this!

After all of the fallout over other recent high-profile teen girl scandals like Lindsey Lohan et al, you'd have really expected that Miley's management team, handlers, bankrollers, or somebody involved would have fought much harder to prevent this...

Y'know, it isn't as though Miley was walking down the hallway, slipped, and oops! there's a compromising pic. C'mon, this was a planned event with a highly-touted fashion photog who probably stays booked out months in advance.

This should - and I'd like nothing better - be a career killer. I hope the pocketbook sting felt as a result of this debacle is long & deep for the Cyrus family. If that's the only way that they'll learn how badly they've just betrayed the public trust, then I hope they've received their last Disney check ever. Makes ya wonder if the Vanity Fair paycheck was so extravagant that it'll fully offset the losses she's likely to incur...

Paloma 4-29-2008 @ 7:04PM

Hey Rachel,

I'm a huge fan of yours from way back and I really enjoy your blog, even though I don't have kids...yet. I remember watching you on the Real World pretty much disagreeing with you on all your political views. On that front, I think we're pretty much the opposite, but I feel like our up bringing was very similar (I'm Hispanic, strong Catholic faith, etc..) and that's why I'm hooked on your blog.

Regarding the Miley scandal I have to say I agree with you 100%. Though I do think there are bigger problems in the world that the media should be focusing I also think this is a good time for parents to have a serious discussion about how companies market to their kids.

I work in Hollywood, I'm a publicist and I have to say that the parents should've been the ones to set the terms of the photo shoot. I've worked on these types of shoots and 9 out of 10 times the subject (the celeb) calls the shots, they approve everything and say what they like and what they don't. If they had set limits on the shoot I am positive Vanity Fair would've complied.

Keep up the good work Rachel!

Suzanne 4-29-2008 @ 8:55PM

My daughter is not quite a year old so we don't have to deal directly with age appropriate toys, etc. yet. The sexualization of young girls is so troubling to me though. I have even seen clothes for toddlers that I thought were inappropriate. I'm sure that for many parents it's easier to just give in to your children than to have the minority and unpopular views when it comes to toys and clothes but it seems as though this type of thing goes beyond that. Intuitively it seems as though this sexualization of very young girls sets them up for victimization.

I'm with you Rachel, I'd much rather my daughter aspire to be a lawyer like her mother (though I'm secretly hoping she'll be a doctor) than aspire to be a pop star.

JenniferW 4-29-2008 @ 9:23PM

I have a little boy who is only two, but I wanted to chime in. This kind of thing makes me worry about what kind of girls he's going to be exposed to when he gets older. Do I really want him dating girls that aspire to look like the role models on TV? OMG no! I am going to have to teach him what kind of girl wears those clothes, what types of families allow that, and the types of morals that he should look for in girls. So it's not just a little girl issue because these are the girls that our little boys start dating! And I thought I'd only have to worry about guns and superheroes. *Sighs*

julie 4-29-2008 @ 11:21PM

I completely agree with you, Rachel. The rule in our house is no TV unless your sick, and then it's videos only. That makes it easy to avoid the junk. That rule will loosen a bit as my children get older, but not by much. It is hard though when all of your mom-friends don't parent the same way as you. I think it's great, Rachel, that you speak about these issues - it's nice to know that someone else feels as strongly about them as myself.

eugene 4-30-2008 @ 5:12AM

It concerns me that young women (or in this case, GIRLS) feel that they need to be increasingly sexualized in order to succeed in society or remain relevant. As Jennifer posted, I too am concerned with the type of children my child will be exposed to as he enters the world of public education.

Maggie 4-30-2008 @ 8:34AM

Rachel,

I totally agree with you on this matter. My kids are fairly young right now (not in the HM age bracket) but it is a worry for the future. I see my 8 year old niece trying to act like these girls and it is VERY disturbing. I'm not talking about her trying to act like them in the roles they play on their shows but she tries to act like them as to their real lives. In todays information age, these kids learn about their idols real lives via the internet, tv gossip shows or the ever popular gossip magazines. When the whole Vanessa H. photo scandal went down my niece knew about it the next day as it was the topic of conversation amongst her friends. I don't want this to be my daughter. In my niece's defense, she's only trying to be "cool" and be like her tv show idols and her friends. You are right in saying that we as parents need to really step up to the plate (in a HUGE way) BUT the parents of these Hollywood kids need to step it up too in a big way. These Hollywood parents are worried about boosting their popularity by using the popularity of their kids! Some may not agree with me but just pick up one of those gossip magazines and look at the pictures of these kids parents. They are walking around looking like they are twenty-somethings with tighter clothes on then the kids! It's hard to figure out if they are parents or siblings of the celebrity. Anyway, until parents put their foot down and say that enough is enough Hollywood isn't going to do anything about it. We as parents need to take a stand.

LS 4-30-2008 @ 10:29AM

What I want to know (and for the record, I'm completely on board with the parents being at fault), is - why is NOBODY looking at the photographer's role in this?

So WHAT if she's the sainted Annie Liebovitz (apologies if I misspelled)? Does she not have any filters? Does SHE not know exactly how her pictures will be used? She can hide all she wants behind the curtain of "art", but she knew exactly what she was doing when she placed that girl in a silk sheet, with mussed hair and messy makeup. After all, SHE is the one who directs the shoot. SHE's the one who makes the decisions.

The blame lies with the parents, yes, but also with the photographer. There's plenty to go around.

Joel Niemeyer 4-30-2008 @ 11:37AM

I could not agree more!

As nutty as this may sound, and I am really no nut, it does seem that celeb teens are taking the easy route to skankdom earlier and earlier. It's clear that this is the route that Miley has chosen for herself and it really bugs me, because I was hoping for better. Hey whatever, it works in this society to make a lot of money.

Thank goodness my kids have an awareness and are kinda fans, but sure as hell don't use these people as role models. My older daughter's (9) role model is her girl scout leader, a woman who is as far from skanky as a woman can be- she's athletic, has climibed Mt Everest, and is a strong, independent woman.

Still, there are plenty of kids around who are totally in to the HSM and Hannah M thing and man, you really have to expose them to other things just to stave it off.

Renee 4-30-2008 @ 3:56PM

In real life, isn't it illegal to take nude bedroom shots of 15 year olds? Or, at the very least, the adult would be considered creepy and perverted if not a criminal. Oh that's right... if your rich and famous the rules don't apply.

ikate 4-30-2008 @ 4:04PM

Rachel –

Really – are you serious? You think letting an 8 year old watch Hannah Montana will make her a slut? You must be a pretty crappy parent if you daughter has no other female role-models in her life and everything she learns about becoming a young woman (teenager) would come from a TV show.

I’m guessing that you were brought up in a household with no exposure to pop-culture since you turned out so sweaky-clean (oh, wait – you made out with Puck on national TV…not so clean, are you?) What you are saying is that rather than actually PARENTING their children, parents who allow their children to watch such “smut” as HM or HSM also allow the TV to make all their decisions for them.

By your assumptions the fact that I grew up listening to music like Madona (yes, I listened to her when I was 8 – I had an older sister and wanted to do everything like her), watching movies like Grease, and TV shows like Roseanne, Cosby Show and Growing Pains (all which dealt with teenagers and teenage issues) I should be a washed-out slut having babies at the age of 16.

You seem to be confusing the line between real-life and TV, not the kids. On the show, Miley as Hannah is always dressed appropriately for her age and there is a HUGE difference between allowing an 8-year old watch HM and allowing them to read the latest copy of US Weekly or, in this case, Vanity Fair. HSM is way tamer than our generation’s version of that move – Grease.

The biggest difference between now and then is the media hype around these stars in their private life. There weren’t 100s of paparazzi following Keshia Knight Pulliam, Sara Gilbert, Tracey Gold around 24/7. The demand for that kind of pop-culture coverage rests squarely on our generation’s shoulders as we are the ones who have funded the growth in the tabloid-news business. Should we as parents try to limit our children’s exposure to this media? Of course, but not allowing them to watch a simple sitcom is way over the top.

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