Dan Bucatinsky: More Than I Can Chew
Parents, not Miley, are to blame
Well, this week I feel (sadly) vindicated. This is exactly what happens when we entrust Hollywood, the media, and corporations with our children!
First, parents of young Hannah Montana fans had to explain the leaked photos of a bra-clad Miley and her boyfriend on the Internet. Then they were treated to a very grown-up photo spread of Disney's 15 year-old teen-queen with bedroom hair and only a silk bed sheet covering her nude body.
Not too long ago another Disney star, High School Musical's Vanessa Hudgens, had to apologize for her leaked nude photos. Like this latest Disney debacle, it too sparked endless discussions on the fan sites and message boards that so many very young girls frequent.
Frankly, the shocked headlines are what I find so shocking. Well, that and all of the "outraged" parents. Don't they realize that this "teenager" is a billion dollar franchise whose marketing plan depends on capturing a younger and younger audience?
The operative word here is "teenager". She's a teenager and if only teenagers watched Hannah Montana, this incident could actually be a teachable moment where we warn teens about taking compromising photos in the age of the Internet and Girls Gone Wild.Unfortunately, Miley's audience not only includes my 17 year old niece, but also 5 to 11 year olds, who happen to be the most susceptible consumers of the ubiquitous junk sold in her name. So now, parents with 6 year-olds in the Hannah Montana fan club will have to have a conversation they would just as well have put off for another 8 years.
In the end, this isn't Disney's fault and it's certainly not Vanity Fair's. It's not even Barbara Walter's, who told us in her glossy post-Oscar interview, that Miley was a "role model". And a "Christian!"
No, parents of young children have only themselves to blame for allowing Miley to become their 2nd graders' role-model. Have we all forgetten about the term "age-appropriate"? Or at least the joy of a childhood where playing "house" did not involve a bored baby-doll masquerading as a streetwalker (have you seen the Bratz babies?).
It seems that too many parents these days are too tired or too busy to swim against the current. We want our kids to fit in. We'd rather not deal with the nagging, so we give in and buy the video game or doll or outfit without thinking it through. We defer to kids, instead of carefully evaluating products and programs to see if their messages actually reflect our values. Thus, we end up mindlessly encouraging and financing a disturbing trend.
Since I first started blogging for ParentDish this fall, I have sounded off numerous times about the pressure on our kids, and especially our girls, to grow up too fast. From sexy Halloween costumes to thongs and racy t-shirt messages, our little girls are being robbed of their right to just be little girls.
My oldest daughter is eight years old and High School Musical, Hannah Montana and the like are not permitted in my house. I don't want my girls emulating a teenager in a micro-miniskirt and thigh high stockings - I don't care how benign the bubble gum pop songs are. Moms like me are called a lot of things - controlling, prudes, and helicopter moms. Why? Because we'd rather our girls aspire to be astronauts or veterinarians rather than gyrating wanna-be "rock stars"?
It's not easy. My daughter may very well be the only girl in her class who does not own a Bratz doll or watch concerts and sitcoms with teenage themes and stars. With a precious few exceptions, it is only through my blog that I encounter like-minded parents. Thank God for the Internet! I was beginning to feel like an island unto myself. Never mind the irony that it's the ex-MTV girl who's forbidding the Disney Channel in her home.
Still, there are plenty of moms who visit my blog who disagree with my parenting style. And that's OK. They can't understand why I'm trying so hard to protect my girls from cultural forces that would have them start thinking about boyfriends, break-ups, mid-driffs, and make-up long before I think they should. I'm repeatedly told, "You can't protect your kids from the world". Perhaps, but I can try.
Look, what 15 year-old starlet wouldn't fall under the spell of the iconic Annie Leibovitz and the surreal atmosphere of a fancy celebrity photo-shoot where everyone's telling you how beautiful you look? Sure, her handlers should have known better. And of course, the judgment of her famous dad - who actually participated in a series of loungy photos that were more "hot Hollywood couple" than daddy and his teenage girl - is rightly being called into question.
But the problem is not Disney, or Miley, or Billy Ray Cyrus. Christian or not, Miley is a teenage girl susceptible to all the temptations that have tripped up child stars since the dawn of television. Teen stars haven't changed all that much, parents have changed. And yes, the media has also changed. So let's all slow down and become more reflective and selective about the culture (and role models) our young children consume.
Until parents of little girls and little boys decide that "age-appropriate" matters, Hollywood, Mattel and every other corporate entity will continue to serve up shows and products aimed at capturing the widest range of young consumers, regardless of the implications on a child's innocence. They're just doing their job. Are we?
To learn more about Rachel visit www.rachelcamposduffy.com
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
4-30-2008 @ 5:40PM
Ramona said...Rachel, you know I am 100% with you on this one....one of the many reasons why I homeschool ;)
Reply
4-30-2008 @ 7:38PM
Jezer said...Ugh.
Only parents who allow their kids on MySpace or to read Vanity Fair have anything to explain.
Reply
5-01-2008 @ 10:08AM
gccottingham said...On the VF photoshoot:
I blame the parents for exploiting their daughter for financial gain, and then how dare the parents make their daughter apologize for their bad choice! And since when does a 15 child know the diference between "Artistic and tasteful".?
On the pics with boyfriend:
Its so amazing how we can judge someone even though we have never walked in their shoes...I have a 14 year old son and I can honestly tell you all that his female friends (SOME) of them...have taking "sexy" pictures...I can remember a time last year that one of his female friends wrote her name on his jeans (close to his private part) I was LIVID!!! I asked him how would her parents feel if they saw your jeans with her John Hancock on them or vice versa. He saw where I was coming from. The bottom line is this is what some girls do when their parents arent watching...If only we can be there at all times, but it just isnt that way, I have talked to my son that every decision or act he chooses or does in life has a consequence whether good or bad, and I hope and pray that whatever choices he does make he fully understands he will face some sort of consequence.
Reply
5-01-2008 @ 6:58PM
Jenna said...WOW! I hardly know where to begin. First of all it's more than ironic that a former cast member of "The Real World" doesn't allow The Disney Channel in their home. It's hypocritical. It never ceases to amaze me when parents, especially mothers, play the "do as I say, not as I did" card with their children despite the fact that by the time you become a parent you should have realized based on your relationship with your own parents that it simply doesn't work. At some point Rachel one of your children is going to be confronted with your televised make-out session by someone & heaven help you then because you will literally hear the moment any credibility you managed to gain with your kids walks out the door. You are one of the last people who has any right to ride a moral high horse and I find it laughable that any company (I'm talking to you AOL) actually promotes you as some kind of parenting expert, icon or even at a base level as a person of valid interest. Set aside that you write like a ten year old ("Frankly, the shocked headlines are what I find so shocking.") and that you pirate your ideas from women much more talented and smarter than you, where did you get the idea that you are some kind of moral center let alone that you should be giving advice to other parents?
Each parent has a responsibility to give their children the tools to make smart choices. It's not something they can or even should be learning at school or from their peers or from a television program or on the Internet. If you simply hide your child away from the World and hope they turn out to be good people you are setting yourself, not to mention them, up for severe disappointment. By preventing your child from accessing popular culture you are only making it seem more appealing to them. If you would take the time to experience popular culture with your kids you can help them formulate their own opinions and moral codes instead of ending up the enemy in a battle where there are never any winners.
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5-01-2008 @ 11:01PM
julie said...In response to Jenna's comments, nothing is wrong with insulating your child from popular culture. That's how I grew up, and I think I turned out just fine. As an example, my parents rarely took us to movies (maybe once every couple of years...) and only played classical music in the house. This all seemed normal to me. I was too busy with school, friends, ice skating, and gymnastics to care. That's the key - parents need to help children focus on healthy interests (and each parent can make that determination for themselves.) Problems occur when children have too much time on their hands. Hopefully my kids (when they're older) won't care about pop culture because they'll be too busy being kids.
And as for Rachel's past on the real world, give her a break. From what I recall, she was a virgin on the show, went to church, and stood up for her beliefs. Who cares if she kissed Puck! She was in her early 20's at the time!
5-02-2008 @ 11:40AM
Lisa said...BRAVO! From a mama of six who thinks just like you. My kids don't even know who Miley or Britney are and it's certainly not harming them to remain ignorant. I, too feel like I am in an extreme minority sometimes. It's hard to walk a path that is different from the mainstream. But at the same time it's kind of fulfilling to go against the grain and stick by your principles even when you know that people who oppose your values or views will be very vocal about it. Thanks for sticking your neck out for us!
Reply
5-05-2008 @ 12:15AM
Michelle said...Although I think it's great that you want to protect your kids, I don't think it's possible. Even if you make sure they only watch certain shows and make sure their friends moms don't let them watch anything you wouldn't want them watching, they still have school. Everything I learned about sex came from school or friends. So unless you want to lock them up in the house and have them homeschooled, it's impossible for you to protect them from things like that.
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5-05-2008 @ 8:06PM
ELR said...I don't happen to blame anyone in this situation, other then the press who is making such a big deal out of it. I personally didn't think the picture was that bad to warrant the outcry that has followed.
My daughter is six...she loves Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus. Having a husband in the music business she is surrounded by tattoo's & piercing's often. Most of them are "Vegan's and straight edge" band members'...not too bad for role model's. She is not even aware of the hoopla that would warrant an explanation because she does not surf the net or watch the new's & entertainment show's that are highlighting this topic.
Only time will tell if the over protected mom's or the moderate to liberal mom's will produce the kind of children they are aspiring to. I do know that I was raised in a very overprotective religious upbringing, snuck out to concert's, listened to Madonna and changed my outfit's the moment I got to school. The guilt I felt over my first kiss and, heaven forbid, premarital sex was overwhelming. I hope NOT to pass that on to my daughter.
In sweat outfits (coordinated, at least) and my hair in a pony tail or baseball hat more days then not, my daughter says to me at least 3 times a day "Mommy, why are you so beautiful?"...Hannah is hardly part of everyday life...I am...she seem's to follow my example and if she follow's Hannah Montana's a bit too, fine by me...the show itself has a great message and has never once made me question if it was inappropriate for her.
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6-07-2008 @ 1:14AM
Bridget M said...wow I could not have said it better myself! I will admit that I did fall into the pitfalls of child pressure. My 7 yr old daughter came home from her new school all excited about Hannah Montana and High School Musical. I even purchased a Tiger Beat for her so she could have Zach Efron posters. (Bad Mommy, I know._ Then the Britney Spears thing happened. Jamie Lynne got pregnant. Miley was naked in Vanity Fair. and I thought...what am I doing? There is no sense in exposing her to all of this sexual stimulation. We cleaned house. There are no more posters, no more magazines, no more Hannah Montana Barbie dolls. I thought she was safe because it wass Disney. However, I should have known that what these child stars go through at home is far worse then what any director will probably put them through. Who's fault is it? Her parents. They are not her friend, she does not need her own wing of a house to just be Miley, and she doesn't need a $1000 a week allowance. What she needs is to know that her parents love her and are handling their job as parents by saying no and protecting her. How many child stars have grown up and said "My parents should have been there. I trusted them to protect me." So, atlas, I admit I am human and you know what? My parents, as strict as they were, were no where near as stupid as I thought they were growing up. What do you mean I can't watch Dance Party USA? What's wrong with KIDS Inc? I didn't get it then, but I definitely have got it now. Thanks for telling me it is ok to be labeled the mean and controlling mom, to protect my children's innocence as much as I can. It's nice to know it's not a lost art. After all, becoming a parent is more than food, clothes, and friendship. It's about saying no, protecting our children, and giving up a little piece of our own stubbornness and comfort. After all, we are raising the future and if we don't ever tell them no, how will they learn to SAY no?
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7-27-2008 @ 11:56PM
Ku said...Amen! I worry for the future of my 'someday' baby girl. The parents are to blame. Both Miley Cyrus's parent and the viewer's parents.
Miley is a teenage girl. Bound to try and break the rules not to mention the influences she is probably getting. On top of hormones and being in the public eye she is probably feeling like she is not aloud to grow up either. Which is not fair, she is a young person trying to find out who she is and is trying to grow up. Making her 'stay' a certain way is going to do more harm then good. Look at Brittney Spears.
TV in any household should be age appropriate. I want my child to be a child. I wan to be apart of their magic because it reminds me of my own. It's a beautiful way to bond. No I do not want my son sheltered. He needs to know the world isn't always a great place and to be prepared but he doesn't need that shoved on him all at once. Gradually and with steady guidance is how I will handle it.
I don't give a rat butt what other parents think of my parenting. It's my child not theirs and they do not have the right to tell me how I should raise my son as long as he is not being hurt in any way.
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