Reason 39571 parenthood has damaged my brain

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I don't know if I'd call myself an optimist, but I often sail along with a blind sense of it-can't-happen-to-me-ism. Or in the case of my family, it can't happen to us. This allows me to make it through the day without succumbing to a full-body panic over the myriad unpleasant fates that could befall one of my kids at any moment, such as accidents, illnesses, pianos falling from the sky, dingo attacks, and so on.

Unfortunately, this sort of thinking is what leads me to constantly get peed on. I mean, I know my 3-month-old is basically a human sprinkler, I know the sensation of having a diaper removed and a cool wipe applied can trigger any number of Bellagio-esque outbursts, and yet every single time I forgo the protective diaper or washcloth shield. Why do I do this? Because every single time I think, oh, I don't think he'll pee on me today. And that is usually when a powerful jet of liquid sprays me directly in the eyesocket.

I don't understand this about myself. I feel like I have gained all sorts of experience since we brought our first son home, and yet in this arena I remain painfully naive, ignoring all historical evidence in favor of allowing my shirt to get hosed down yet again -- then having the nerve to be surprised about it. "Crap!" I say, spluttering and flailing and mopping up my clothes, all startled and unprepared, as if the whole thing was totally UNAVOIDABLE.

Is it always true that ignorance is bliss? Because when the ignorant person is being urinated on at least once a day and twice on Sundays, I'm not sure how that can be.

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AdviceMama Says:
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.