Keeping finances separate

I suppose it's practical to maintain seperate accounts if you're a full time employee with your own paycheck, especially in times when the divorce rate is so high, but what about full time SAHMs? I literally have not a penny of income (ok, that's not true, I have money from the yard sale I held, but that's not income that I usually have, nor is it enough to open an account). We do just fine with one checking, and 3 savings (one for us, one for each of the kids' birthday/Christmas money) accounts. I don't feel like I'm not contributing to the household income since my actions tend to save us money on gas, clothing, and childcare. He doesn't feel like the money is all "his" since he wants to support us. We pay the bills, buy gas and groceries, and if there's anything left over we discuss together what to do with it. If either of us wants or needs to make a big purchase it becomes a topic for discussion. I don't ask permission to use our mney, and neither does he, it's a joint decision. I think that our arrangement is mature, and we work as a team. Even when I did have income, it was deposited in our joint account.

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Sure, I am a SAHM, but my husband and I have one bank account. He has a full-time 7-5 job and I work on the weekends just have some alone time. I would be more then happy to have separate bank accounts if my husband would pay me to be a SAHM, because what other way would I get paid and have a decent amount of money to survive?

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I don't understand the separate accounts idea. Like you said in your post, if you can't share with your spouse, who CAN you share with? You trust them with things more important than money...your heart...your children, etc.

BUT, if keeping separate accounts keeps everyone happier, then there's no harm done. But is everyone happier that way?

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Eh, I don't like the idea. I would think one reason behind this is that finances are the number one fight topic among married couples. A second reason, I suppose, would be security in times of crisis in the relationship.

We don't do it. I trust my husband and marriage completely. Everything that is mine, is his, and vice versa.

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Let me also add that I know of only one couple which splits finances. The husband refuses to share a bank account with his wife b/c she has no concept of money or debt and just spends as she desires. That would be a problem.

But there are other solutions......

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I don't really understand keeping accounts completely separate because if marriage (and common law partnership for that matter) isn't a partnership that requires financial trust..then what is? And also ...life is long...I really do think that sometimes one spouse will make more while the other makes less and that at some point (either through illness, job change, etc..) that WILL change...

Our household functions with (what I think) is a combination of autonomy and trust. Both our salaries are dumped into the same joint account from which all bills are paid.

HOWEVER...we also both withdraw certain monthly sums and put them into our own accounts (for things like trips with friends, gifts, surprises, etc..) and we also both maintain separate credit cards. But at the end of the day, what's his is mine and vice versa...I'm not sure I could function any other way.

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I think it's interesting that the site you reference recommends separate accounts... all the financial advice columns I've read recommend the opposite because it means both people in the marriage have a better understanding of how much money they actually have, and because it adds a sense of accountability to realize that your partner is going to SEE if you drop 5 grand on a pimped out gaming system or a pair of shoes. It's easier to rationalize something to yourself when you know no one will find out, so even if you CAN afford that $5000 purchase, you're more likely to reconsider whether you actually need it. At least that's the theory. Honestly, when I hear about the "breadwinners" in the family insisting on separate accounts I always wonder what they're privately spending money on.

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We work similar to wn. We have our main checking account where our paychecks are deposited and we pay our household bills. We have savings accounts for the kids. Then we get an "allowance" every month to our own, separate accounts. This goes to our clothing or gifts for each other or if we want to buy something for ourselves.
We had totally separate accounts until the kids came along and I started working a bit less. It just wasn't working and was complicated to say, OK, you pay for x and x and I'll pay for x, then if I needed extra to buy something for the kids I felt weird about asking my husband for money.

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My husband and I have shared money and expenses from the day we moved in together (we married one year later). We've gone from a two income household (in which I brought home more than my husband) to a single income household when I became a SAHM. Any money that either of us makes goes into one big pot, all purchasing decisions are made together. My husband's parents and siblings maintain separate finances from their spouses and think we're crazy. I say, it works for us. We feel like a team and we trust each other completely.

I say, do what works for you. Finances can be a huge source of tension and if separating them fixes the problem, so be it.

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As soon as we were married we opened a joint checking account and a couple joint saving accounts. I was working full time when we were married, but quit after a couple years since we decided to start a family. It's always been our money.

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I grew up where my dad worked and my mom was a SAHM. My dad came home and promptly gave my mom his paycheck. She took care of all the bills, etc. They only had one checking account and a couple of savings accounts. Everything was in both of their names. My husband grew up where his parents "shared" the expenses. I am not sure how this exactly works but it seemed like they split everything by certain expenses. For example, his dad would pay for the mortgage and monthly expenses such as electricity, water, etc. I think his mom did not pay for much except she had her own car which she bought with her money and other items. Both his parents worked. Even now, as they are retired, when they travel, they trade off on paying for either hotel or incidentals (i.e. food, gas, etc.). I don't like this concept. I am a SAHM, but I do make some money on the side working from home. It is not much but enough to pay a couple of my recurring bills. However, my husband pays for pretty much everything else. I try to make sure to watch our expense, etc. Eve though we have our own accounts, both of our names are on each other's accounts. However, we have our own ATM cards. It works out fine this way. If I need money, I can always transfer from his to mine.

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We absolutely share our money; most of it is in a joint account and each of us also has an individual account. I can't imagine not. I pay for what I need/want with a credit card and my husband takes care of it since he works on our accounts. We both bring in money but I mostly stay at home so what I bring in is negligible.

A friend of mine and her husband don't share money and now she is staying home with her baby and has no money to do/buy anything. She has to ask for money for diapers, etc. It's absurd, ridiculous, offensive. All they do is fight about it and my friend talks about divorce.

Why marry someone and have a child with them if you aren't interested in sharing your resources with them?

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We don't share an account. We never have. It is an incredibly long story, but I found out a bit too late (ie after we were married) that my husband has weird money issues and refuses ever to have a joint account.

He is also a money hoarder, and though he earns twice what I do, he pays only for those expenses that I literally cannot afford on my salary (because I pay for EVERYTHING else -- things like phone, cable, internet, hot water, groceries that he considers "luxuries" and would just as soon live without). I run into the negative on my account month after month. He puts HALF of his salary right back into his own personal savings. I have nothing left over for savings. Not because I spend on myself (ever), but because raising a child and running a home is expensive on ONE small salary.

When I need something like medical care (don't get me started on insurance deductibles), I have to ask him for the money. He actually "loans" me money and fully expects to be repaid. OUR son is having surgery next week and you'd think that the world was ending because my husband is too cheap to have a lower deductible on the insurance policy (he pays for our son's insurance if you can believe it) so will be $5000 out of pocket on the deductible. Worried about the surgery? Nah. The money? You'd better believe it.

Have I considered divorce? Only ten thousand times. I literally can't afford it! He'll run off overseas and they'll never track down his bank accounts. He doesn't help with much, but I couldn't afford the school fees or insurance without him. So, the separate bank accounts thing, I'm gonna have to vote "No"...

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My husband and I have always kept seperate accounts. He is terrible at paying bills. For several years I was the one with the larger income. Now I am a SAHM. He gives me the majority of his pay and I am in charge of making sure the bills are paid on time. It works for us. It's not just about trust...It's who is best at what. We have seperate accounts, but I have most of the responsibility for our bills. He is happy to not have to deal with something he is not that good at!

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Separate, joints, both. Really it's all the same. The key thing is how you (as a couple ) look at finances. ...and if you're truely a couple, there is only one way to look at it: it all belongs to both of you. Even the "allowances".
The allowances are really just so you don't nag each other to death about "wasting" money on that new game or new shoes or whatever. It also serves as a good starting point to discussing finances.

Cheerio!
A

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I understand why people keep seperate accounts. However, I must be a "romantic" because when I merged my life with my husband's, we merged our finances too!

Kimberly Coleman/Mom in the City
http://www.mominthecity.com/

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And this is why so many marriages fail. There is no sense of teamwork and togetherness. My husband takes care of all the finances. It was VERY difficult for me to give that up. It had caused lots of arguments at first. However, two years after the initial combining of finances, I am loving it. I don't have to worry. I tell him we need...he gives me the money or credit card for it. He gives me so much money a week (depending on what is available) and I can do anything I want with it...no questions asked. I don't have to worry about this bill or that loan getting paid; he does. It's great!
But it really is about the teamwork. If you can't work together and work it out financially, how can you be a united front?

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I'm totally for the idea of having a single account for household bills, then separating the remainder into his/hers accounts. Together you would manage the mutual account, and independantly you would manage your own account. Maybe this would only work in a utopic relationship (and I'm really not one to talk since I've never been married...) but that is how I would like to set my finances up.

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My husband and I both used to work full time.Recently though I've started working part time.

We had separate accounts but we were both joint holders on each others accounts and in theory could withdraw form each others accounts.

In practice - we rarely did without asking. We somehow equalized the payments. He'd pay the mortgage - I would pay all smaller bills (electricity, tax, etc) and do the groceries. For our vacations - either of us would pay. (e.g. if I were booking a vacation - I would obviously book for both of us).

Some of the money went into joint investments. If any of us ran low on our respective accounts - we'd ask the other to transfer some money in..(it would be like, "Hey - I only have $ 1000 in my account now after paying for our vacation- can you transfer $ 3000 there?)

Now - I earn a lot less. But we still have separate accounts. He si very considerate and takes more expenses on himself. (e.g. when we were paying the nanny - he said, "let me write the check - your account must be low).

It's never been a problem for us. I guess we may be in the minority though

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