Keeping finances separate

We are married, which means that we are one.

We both work, depending on who has work available.

Our money goes into one account. I pay the bills and track everything (I am an accountant, after all), but we discuss our finances at LEAST once a week.

Keeping things separate makes no sense to me.

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I have always had separate accounts from my husband. We each have a checking account and a savings account and we also have a joint savings account. We hold separate IRAs and money market accounts. When I was working we split the expenses--he paid the big ticket items like mortgage and car payments and I paid the smaller bills like water and power, etc. This was never a problem for us, we didn't even have to discuss it much, it just happened and we were both happy with it. If either one of us needed more money at any time we would just get it from the other. Once I became a SAHM I took over the finances and my husband starting depositing his whole paycheck into my checking account. I transfer an allowance into his checking and he also gets reimbursement checks from his company that he lives on. This works out really well for us, as we rarely argue about finances. ANd the truth is my husband is a big spender while I am a saver so we could have tensions over finances if we aren't careful.

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We maintain one account. I make more money. We spend about the same and he never makes me feel bad for spending money and vice versa. I know what we spend out money, how we invest it and what our accounts all look like. He regularly asks me how we should proceed with investments. We have never fought over money. We have maintained a combined account since we were married. It was actually more work and we spent more when we had seperate accounts. Different strokes for different folks I suppose. It works for us, maybe the next couple it will not.

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Know what I call couples who keep separate finances?

Roommates.

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My husband and I had separate accounts in which our paychecks were directly deposited into our own accounts. He made the mortgage payments and his own student loan payments while I paid for everything else. HOWEVER. I noticed that my husband never had any money left over each month (his bills only took about 60% of his monthly income). I always had money left over each month and would deposit that into our joint Money Market account to save for our next car, house projects, etc.

Much to my husband's dismay, I decided to take over his account and make it into a joint account, had my money directly deposited into it and took away the debit card for that account from him. He started using another account that we had set up for something else as his own. Each month, he will transfer a little money into his account from our new joint account. Any big purchases, we BOTH must discuss it each other. Since then, I have been able to save up MUCH more money for our Money Market account. Even though he was upset about his loss of "independence" with his money, he realized that he was not being wise with his spending habits. This new financial management turned out to be better for our family. To each, to their own, I guess.

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I think keeping seperate accounts is a great idea. I work in retail and I can't tell you how many times I have female customers who make comments about how their husband is not going to like them shopping. Or even seeing them call their husband to ask if they can buy something. If you keep seperate accounts you're in control of your own money and don't have to ask permission to buy something for yourself. I'm not married, but when I do get married I will keep my own seperate account because it gives you freedom in a sense.

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Marriage vows >>> I give you this ring as a symbol of my love ... With my body I honour you, all that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you.

So I already promised to share it all (my wealth, lol) so sticking it in a separate account just makes it harder to do that.

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My husband and I both work full time, and until about a week ago, we had only a joint checking account, no separate accounts (at least not general spending-type accounts). I just opened a separate checking account, but it was only for budgeting purposes.
I have some friends who have one main joint checking account where everything is deposited and all bills are paid, and each of them have separate checking where they transfer money once a month. That I understand. What I don't get is maintaining separate finances with the agreement of "you pay this, and I'll pay this, etc etc" That is what room mates do, not married couples!

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No separate accounts, no splitting of the money... Nothing like that in our house. We technically have accounts in our own names (back when I was working, they would only wire my pay to an account in my name), but they are all mutual in the end.

There is no "my money". If we can afford something, we buy it. If we can`t, we *don`t*. It really drives me insane to see couples with their own spending accounts, buying things free of guilt when the household finances are in a complete mess. If you`re having trouble paying your rent, why not pay from your personal account? But of course, that`s "my money" so it doesn`t happen.

It just seems incredibly selfish to me. You`re a couple in every way other than finances? Umm, yeah.

It doesn`t matter who makes more. We`ve gone from me supporting the household 100% while my husband was in school - to him supporting it 100% while my son was very small. Now I`d say it`s somewhere around 80/20. (I`ve never given it much thought.) Nothing has ever changed. We pool the money, calculate how much we need for bills and put it in the bill account. (Bills are withdrawn directly from that account.) We budget the money for food and other essential things and split it up into envelopes for each purpose.
We budget a percentage of the remaining money for savings and put it into the savings account and our son`s fund. If there is anything left, we put it in an envelope and spend it over the course of the month.

In general we make personal purchases via credit card, keep the receipts, and calculate that into the bill plan for next month. (We pay the full amount immediately, no itty-bitty-bit each month interest nightmares here.)
Occasionally one of us spends too much. Oh well, it happens. We laugh about it, say we need to be careful next month as things will be a bit tight because of it, and that`s the end of the issue. We`re both very critical of our own purchases, but there is strength in numbers, so 90% of the time we overspend it`s when we are out together.

I trust him not to spend irresponsibly, just as he trusts me to do the same. And it works. We function as a unit, not just two individuals living in the same house.

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Both during my time staying at home, and now with both of us working my husband and I have all income flow to our joint checking account, and have a set amount of money automatically moved to each of our private accounts. It's always the same amount of money and it allows us discretionary spending without discussion. Any purchases that are larger we still discuss and budget for together. It's a blend of systems that has worked out really well for us.

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My boyfriend and I have both separate checking accounts and a joint savings account -- sort of a hybrid system. We started Dave Ramsey's plan last year (we're now debt free, woo!), so we also have separate and joint envelopes.

Most things, we each contribute a set percentage to -- it's about 50/50, but adjusted a bit relative to our incomes. Food, gas, rent, utilities, insurance, vacations, entertainment -- almost everything falls in that category. We do save up "on our own" for gifts, haircuts, clothing, and tuition.

I should say that we felt out our three-account system on our own, because Dave Ramsey doesn't encourage cohabitation and shared finances before marriage. (To the extent that marriage and cohabitation are different from a legal standpoint, I understand his point ... Although if one more person cites the CORRELATION between cohabitation before marriage and divorce as if it is CAUSATION ... Grr!) Since then, though, I've read several personal finance experts that recommend a similar "three-account" system over complete separate OR completely joint finances for couples -- even those not headed towards eternal damnation like yours truly. :)

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My husband and I set up a joint chequing account when we moved in together, and at that time we also set up linked private accounts with the same bank with the intention of setting up an 'allowance' system, but we never ended up using them. We consider all money - and debts - "ours". We do have accounts in individual names - I administer all of our emergency fund money and short-term savings, for example, but we make decisions about how to spend the money jointly. I'd say I handle most of the regular financial stuff and future planning, but we are equally empowered to make the decisions.

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We have everything combined. I do have a personal checking and savings account, but it's just for mad money (where I stash gift money, etc.).

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I'm getting married in July. We are buying a townhouse together, in which we settle on May 30th. I won't be moving into the townhouse until we get married (we're doing this crazy unheard of thing where we don't have sex before we get married...). We've agreed that we think marriage is the commitment to join as one in every aspect and we are going ahead and merging our accounts. I don't think marriage should be picking the aspects that you want to share and then keeping the individual stuff because you are too afraid to let it merge with the other person. Marriage has changed a lot over the years...people have molded it to fit their own lifestyle as opposed to keeping it how it used to be. I know things change and times evolve and man, I bet I sound old fashioned....I just wish people still felt like marriage was the desire to become one single operating team and not like it was some financial gain situation or something that has to be done because that's how it's always been. I'm not saying that's how your friend is, or that it is that way for everyone (must cover all bases, I'm commenting on parent dish afterall....)....I'm just saying that in my own personal experience and with my own eyes, this is what I've seen happening. My fiance and I have chosen the things we have chosen because we feel like that is what is right for us. We want to wait till we get married to have sex, we want to merge both of our bank accounts and be a true Mr. and Mrs. "such n such".

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Sarah, calling to ask your husband if you can buy something is a matter of RESPECT. This is how I would like to spend out money; did you have a different plan for it? Before I make a purchase I run it buy my husband because he knows better than I do what our money situation is. Unless money is very tight, which is a rarity, he will say yes. Only once he has said no; and that was because he had already used the money to surprise me with something fabulous.
Marriage is about mutual give and take and some people and marriages would be better off if everyone understood that. It's not about how much control someone has; it's about love, respect, and teamwork. Until you understand that, there is no success in a marriage; I speak from experience in this.

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We have joint accounts, and it's very important to me. Because of some family history, the idea of separate accounts feels like a prelude to divorce for me. However, that doesn't work for all people. I can certainly see a situation in which a couple has three accounts: household, his, and hers, if that's the most comfortable thing for both people involved.

Money really seems to be one of those things that people don't learn enough about each other before making a (presumably) life-long commitment.

We have always had joint accounts. I take care of the day-to-day bills, monitor our spending, etc. Big purchases we discuss with each other, as a matter of both respect and prudence.

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I'm surprised that there are so many opponents to separate finances. Most of my married friends still have separate accounts (though I don't have many friends with kids yet that stay home), and when my parents finally decided to separate their accounts about 15 years ago, it wasn't a precursor to divorce, it was probably what saved them from divorce. While they have similar attitudes about a lot of things, enjoy being together, have the same sense of humor and are both incredible parents, they just don't have the same attitude towards money. Of course they help each other out when necessary, but the constant struggle to agree on everyday spending decisions almost broke them apart. My mom says separating their finances was the best marital decision she ever made.

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