Feeling weird without the kids

by Linda Lee (Subscribe to Linda Lee's posts) May 2nd 2008 1:00PM

I really, really cherish the times when I have a chance to escape the house and get out on my own, even if it's only for an hour doing something like poking around our neighborhood thrift store or sipping a coffee at Starbucks. O, freedom! On my way out to my car I have to stifle the urge to leap into the air and click my heels.

It's not that I'm constantly dying to get away from the kids (usually), I just love the brief sense of being unfettered by the responsibilities of parenthood -- made all the sweeter by the fact that these moments are few and far between. It's all about MEEEEE, I sing in my head as I drive along in my cracker-crumb-laden ride with the two (TWO!) carseats in the back, blaring my music at adults-only levels. I'm footloose and fancy FREEEEEE!

The weird thing is, once I'm out in public I feel . . . I don't know, like I'm missing some critical part of my persona. I start feeling the strangest urge to go up to people with kids and tell them that I, too, am a parent. Not that I would ever do that, of course, because I might be a giant dork but I am not THAT socially inept (yet); I just have a real desire to somehow inform the world that I have these two boys and they are so awesome and, you know, they're not with me right now, but they exist! Really!

Do you ever feel that way? Like you vaguely wish you had one of those HI MY NAME IS stickers, and that it read: PARENT? I feel like parenthood is such an integral part of who I am, and yet when I'm out on my own I suppose I'm oddly paranoid that it isn't obvious.

Comments (16)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Michelle 5-02-2008 @ 1:14PM

OH, YES! They are with me 99.9999999999% of the time, that when they aren't, I feel some how, well, not 100%. I'm used to wresting with my 2 little ones and carrying all their crap, pushing the darn stroller. Carrying an actual adult purse and not being pulled in a million directions and having to say "use youir inside voice, walking feet, don't touch that" blah, blah, blah, blabity blah, while it's damn near heaven, it feels like I've been kicked out of the club for the day.

I know it sounds stupid, but there you have it. I even feel that way when I only have one of my kids with me. Maybe I just need to get out more!

Eric's Mommy 5-02-2008 @ 1:31PM

Wow, I feel the same way!
I didn't think anybody felt like that too.
The worst part was right after I had my son and was still "recovering." If I went anywhere without him I'd feel so strange, kind of like, "I don't normally look like this, I just had a baby!"

Heather 5-03-2008 @ 8:30AM

I really thought I was the only one! I get so excited to run to the store, or just do some errands without the worry of a tantrum (my son is 19 months)! Then, when out and about I feel so...I don't know...empty! I just can't wait to get back to him!

lisa_baker75 5-02-2008 @ 2:14PM

Absolutely. And when I'm out with only one or two of my three kids, I have the urge to explain that there are actually more of them...somewhere else. But oh that freedom you mention. God that feels great! No baby on the hip, squawking because he wants down, no little kids wandering off or begging for that toy we just walked past. And wait...how about the times that you can actually walk into a store and try something on! It's like we need those moments to remember that we are adults without the little attachments we happen to be raising.

swgirlscoutmom 5-02-2008 @ 2:18PM

What about the split second panic when you are driving and look in the baby mirror to see the carseat is empty???

mamaloo 5-02-2008 @ 2:34PM

This totally what happens to me!

I love having a little time to myself, but I have a near constant nagging sense of alarm that sometimes bubbles forth, "Oh sh*t! I forgot the kids!"

I never do, of course. (I don't drive, so there is no danger of my actually forgetting them.)

Anna 5-02-2008 @ 3:02PM

This happens to me all the time too.

And now, since I'm late in my second pregnancy (only 20-something days left, oh god!) I sometimes leave my daughter with my in-laws when I run errands. They like to have her and it's just easier on my poor whale body not to have to haul her around....but sometimes then when I'm out alone, with just my big belly as company, I want to blurt out to people who look at me that, "I have another kid!"

queenoqueens 5-02-2008 @ 3:29PM

Yes, I think it happens to most parents.

The creepiest moment I will never forget is the first time I came home and my daughter wasn't home because she was at a sleepover at the grandparents. Talk about a feeling of emptiness....

queenoqueens 5-02-2008 @ 3:31PM

Erica 5-02-2008 @ 3:49PM

I thought I was the only one who had the urge to walk up to other parents and tell them I'm one, too. I feel like slightly less of a dork now. Thanks for that :)

Eva 5-02-2008 @ 9:01PM

100% ditto. The incredibly rare times I am out without my toddler and I see someone with little kids I get probably kind of creepy and start interacting with them and have to mention my own child.

Trish 5-03-2008 @ 4:20PM

Ditto! After I had my first son I felt the need to have him with me constantly to justify my "recovering" shape.

Rutta_7701 5-02-2008 @ 11:41PM

ALL THE TIME! In fact when I least expect it, I'll look in the back seat expecting to see my son there and when I see that he's not I have a mild panic attack.

Also, when I see other moms with sons the same age as mine, I have a extreme urge to go over and see if he is potty trained yet. It's like I need the reassurance that it's OK that mine isn't potty trained.

kim 5-03-2008 @ 10:20PM

YEAH! Right there with you all.
Now that I am EXTREMELY pregnant again, if my son stays home and people ask me about my pregnancy I always say, "I am having a girl THIS TIME." so people know I have a boy too,and that this isn't my first time going through this. That way the only advice I get is about how to make them like eachother instead of all the horror stories about placentas and whatever other gruesome tales people have in their TMI grab bags.

Kelly 5-06-2008 @ 9:05AM

whenever i have to go out and run errands while at work, during the day, and i see other moms with their babies... i immediately want to leave the store and go get my darling girl.

Gillian 5-07-2008 @ 12:49PM

DEFINITELY. And I also feel a little like I'm exposed... like I forgot to wear my pants or something, because I am always so invisible when I hang out with my eight month old son. It's all about the baaaby. So when I got out without my buffer I feel as though people are looking at ME (even though I'm not especially noticeable, just another face in the crowd), and it makes me uncomfortable.

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