Babies and their beloved loveys

by Bethany Sanders (Subscribe to Bethany Sanders's posts) May 3rd 2008 8:00AM

Categories: Babies, Toddlers, Preschoolers, Development, Playground Bureau

With the exception of a short relationship with a stuffed lamb named Sheepy and a long-term love affair with a pacifier, neither of my girls have formed a lasting attachment to any sort of lovey (or the more scientifically named "attachment object").

From the age of 18 months, my older daughter has carried an armload of small stuffed animals and baby dolls to bed each night and lined them up in her crib or bed, but her favorites change on a very regular basis. My younger daughter, too, has a large collection of objects that she rotates as loveys, currently a small stuffed fairy and a mismatched pair of ballet slippers. I don't expect the commitment to last longer than a week or two.

Studies show that it's normal for kids to attach to a lovey, and that it's normal as well if they don't attach to one at all. Over half of kids in Western cultures attach to a security object, though those numbers are lower in non-Western families. Loveys are tools to help kids cope when they start to learn that they are separate beings from their parents. Some kids use them, and some don't.

TheGoToMom.TV has an excellent post on how a lovey can soothe a baby and how you as a parent can choose appropriate toys for them to love. Though as my daughter and her mismatched ballet slippers have proven to me, you can't always help who (or what) you love.

Source

Comments (8)

Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)

Jill 5-03-2008 @ 8:12AM

I do believe most children find an attachment object, but it may not be obvious. For example, Mom's breast may be one if they nurse still. My niece just wanted to put her hand down Mom's shirt when she was scared, even after weaning herself.

Bethany Sanders 5-03-2008 @ 8:20AM

Jill,

I agree with you. I think that for many kids, Mom *is* the attachment object.

Thanks for commenting!

Bethany

shannon 5-03-2008 @ 9:37AM

my younger brother's "lovey" was a windex bottle and he called himself the "Keener Man" (cleaner man). You never know what they will attach themselves to!

ninainindia 5-03-2008 @ 9:43AM

I've learned that a child picks their own lovey, it will (almost) never be the item you intended it to be. The article seems rather stupid to me, can nothing stay simple anymore? Let you child fall in love with an object, any object!

Eva 5-03-2008 @ 10:06AM

Yeah, I'm not sure how you are supposed to control what they want to have as their lovey. My kid got into this bunny from who knows where. It may even have been mine. If I'd had a choice it would have been one of the gifts from family, so I could tell them about it, but of course it wasn't up to me! And I'm not even sure how much she's into it. She goes to sleep holding it but that's it and I bet she could sleep without it.

Anita 5-03-2008 @ 6:42PM

I was my daughter's lovey. If she was upset, she just wanted to nurse. I put dolls and stuffed animals in her crib but she did not attach to any of them. And she never had a pacifier or bottle either. She's a very confident child of 8 years old now.

My son immediately started sucking his fingers as a newborn and picked a favorite blanket as a slightly older infant and still is attached to both to this day. He is almost 6. He is much more shy and insecure than his sister. I'm sure it's a personality thing.

Kirstie 5-04-2008 @ 9:46PM

At 19, my lovies ... a green blanket and an extremely ratty bear ... are currently sitting on my bed. In my college dorm room. Some kids stay attached, I guess. =]

Dot 5-16-2008 @ 8:34AM

My daughter's lovey was yellow blanket. As time went by the blanket had to be patched often. It kept tearing at the corners. One day I discovered why - she would flip her play table over and stretch the blanket across the four legs then climb in! Blanket tore and table legs eventually bent in!! We thought she called it her Blue Blankie - but it was yellow - then she informed us it was her
Boo Blankie and she put it over her face, removed it and said "Boo".
At 30+ she still laughs about her boo blankie.

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