Man sues to take wife's name
After getting married, many women take their husband's last name. Other women hang on to their own name, or hyphenate to make a new, combined surname. It's unusual, however, to find a man who adopts his new wife's name as his own. Still, it's possible, right?That's what Michael Buday of Los Angeles thought when he promised his fiancee that he'd take her surname after they got married, so that their kids would carry on her father's name. It turned out not to be so simple. Though women can change their last names for a $50 to $90 application fee, for Michael Buday to change his, he'd have to pay $300 in court fees, advertise his intentions, and go before a judge.
Instead, Buday took the state of California to court. With the help of the ACLU, Buday filed a sex discrimination suit. Today, he picked up his new driver's license, and the citizens of California now have the right to take on the name of their spouses and domestic partners, regardless of sex.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
eugene 5-06-2008 @ 5:21PM
what a sexist poll. Not everyone who reads and participates on this site is a woman.
My wife, kept her name, did not hyphenate, our son has my name.
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Bethany Sanders 5-06-2008 @ 5:25PM
Good point, Eugene. While I did intend the poll to be geared toward women (since women are usually the ones to deal with a name change after marriage), I didn't intend it to be sexist. ParentDish is indeed a site for women and men alike.
Thanks for commenting!
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bea 5-06-2008 @ 6:21PM
I took my husband's last name, but basically changed my middle name to my maiden name. It made things easier when I had to change my name on utilities for example. I just told them to add my new last name to the account and it was easy. My Mom suggested this to me and I thought it sounded fine. I go by my first name, married name now. Everyone is happy.
But I do agree that everyone has a right to choose and I'm glad that it has become easier here in California.
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Mel 5-06-2008 @ 6:21PM
Great, the world is *so much better.* So nice to know that people have their priorities straight.
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ikate 5-06-2008 @ 10:18PM
Mel -
I'm always so happy to see you comment. Such joy you bring to this site with your positive attitude.
Seriously - can you say anything nice, EVER?
Tony 5-06-2008 @ 7:03PM
I was surprised to hear there was a court case about this well after I took my wife's name in 2002. I guess I was lucky. When they told me at the California DMV I couldn't take my wife's name, I said, "It seems like a sexist thing to only allow a woman to take a husband's name." After a call to their main office, they came back and approved the name change. Every other place (including Social Security) only asked for a copy of the marriage certificate to make the name change -- there were no questions asked. There were no fees to pay, either.
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Dhalver Xeno 5-06-2008 @ 8:16PM
My wife kept her maiden name and my son uses my wife's last name. We discussed this idea a bit before we did it - my wife's main concern being that people wouldn't think that he was my son. But essentially it boiled down to this: I like her last name better than I do my own last name and think that my son would be happier with her last name. While it is too much of a hassle to change my last name, and I have no intention of doing so, for him it was just a matter or writing down whatever we wanted on the form.
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Valerie 5-06-2008 @ 8:18PM
I kept my maiden name but go by my husband's last name for my children's school & doctors. I thought it would be easier that way, but it's getting hard for me to keep track of which name I've given people.
BTW, Jack White of The White Stripes took his wife's last name when they married. The marriage ended but he kept her name. He has since re-married and has given his children his ex-wife's name... just a bit of useless trivia there.
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Judy 5-06-2008 @ 9:37PM
I've been married twice, and have taken my husband's name each time. It never really occurred to me not to. I certainly don't have a problem with those who don't, but don't think it's some horrible archaic sexist thing for a woman to take her husband's name.
In the rural small town where I used to live, I knew of two men who hyphenated their names, along with their wives, so both became known by both last names. That seemed a logical and fair way of doing things, but it was kind of weird to always have to say two last names when referring to the person.
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CLM 5-06-2008 @ 11:05PM
My husband and I both wanted to hyphenate so we would have the same last name and we ran into the same problem in Texas. Turns out, there no law in Texas against it (we found out much later). To add insult to injury, the clerk not only did not hyphenate my name as I requested, but used the archaic Mrs. P____ M______. We were living in NY at the time, getting married in our home town in Texas, and the bureau was only open 3 days a week. So there was no time to get a new license that would be valid. Nice, huh?
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Mel 5-06-2008 @ 6:36PM
What's archaic exactly? Sorry, I must be missig something.
CLM 5-06-2008 @ 11:12PM
Mel, as you can see from my initials, my first name does not begin with the letter P. The license did not just change my last name to my husband's last name, it listed me as Mrs. husband's first name, husband's last name. That is what is archaic.
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Mel 5-07-2008 @ 12:31AM
Ok, I see. I thought maybe CLM didn't refer to your initials, and that maybe your first name begins with a P. Now I get what you meant.
Julie 5-06-2008 @ 11:58PM
My husband took MY name and had NO problem with state/county/city acceptance. It shouldn't matter what name you and your SO choose and the fee should be the same for all!
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Sabrina 5-07-2008 @ 12:11AM
I took my husband's last name plain and simple. However, my mother took her first husband's last name, when they got divorced she changed it to "Maiden name-Ex's last name" to keep the same last name as me, and then when she got remarried just tacked her new husband's name onto the end. Her legal name is "First name Middle name Maiden name-Ex's last name-Husband's last name" it's 3 last names, that's a bit much!
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Kellie 5-07-2008 @ 12:30AM
I was so close to keeping my last name. I LOVE my maiden name. I just love it so much. But, for me personally, I wanted my children and my husband and I to all have the same last name. I have no idea why it's so important to me, but it is. So, I took my husbands. I did hyphenate the names for a bit to see how it was, but it was way too much. So, I am in the process of officially making my maiden name a middle name.
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Karen 5-07-2008 @ 7:52AM
Kellie -- I can't point you to any studies right this second, but when researching this issue previously, I can tell you that it is important to the CHILDREN that you have the same last name as well.
Not a critical thing for most kids, but a for a lot of kids it is a problem. The issue often surfaces in remarriages when the mother changes the name, but it is there when parents start out with different names by choice.
I know from personal experiences with kids in school that it does come up more frequently than I would have expected. Kids REALLY want that connection and want to have the same last name as their mom and dad.
Personally, I have absolutely no problem being addressed as Mrs. husband name. I don't feel it takes anything away from me, and it just adds to our relationship. It rarely happens, but I certainly don't understand the insecurity a lot of women feel when referenced that way. In fact, when we were first married people often referred to him more as MY husband than me as his wife. I had a more high profile position and was more well known. Now that I'm mostly a stay at home mom, it is the other way around. Actually, now I'm referred to more as so-and-so's mom.
At the same time, I liked my husband's name. Had I liked my maiden name more, I might would have asked him to take my name instead. I don't really care which name you use, but do think that with kids it is important to share the same name.
Again...it is what is best for the kids kind of thing. As an adult, I can just deal with silly things like names. I already formed my identity and nobody can change that. For children that are growing and forming their sense of self and identifying who they are, the consistency and sense of belonging are best.
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Uly 5-07-2008 @ 9:24PM
I can tell you, as a child of a woman who kept her own name when she got married, that I was totally unaffected by this.
Seriously.
My father's relatively common last name is mine, and my mother has a *much* less common name (there are something like ten people with that last name in the US, and most of them are cousins), and the only thing I ever felt about the situation was "Gee, maybe I'll use my mother's name to reserve this item at the store/make an appointment at the doctor/whatever, because this way there will be sure not to be any confusion."
(Once, it backfired on me. Turns out that our cousins in the city used the same vet we did. Whoops.)
Karen 5-08-2008 @ 8:03AM
Uly -- I totally believe you, but I don't think it is the norm. At least not according to the research I read or my experiences with children in school.