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Tentacle baby strikes again

Categories: Babies

My 3-month-old has figured out that the starfish-like things at the end of his arms actually belong to him, and whenever he's not busy destroying our eardrums howling out his various commands ("MORE MILK! ENTERTAIN ME FOR I HAVE BECOME BORED! REMOVE THE POOP FROM MY BUTT CRACK IMMEDIATELY!") he's staring at his waving fingers, all tripped out.

He's also testing his growing ability to manipulate his sticky little monkey paws, which is causing all sorts of problems. For instance, he tends to get his hands all up around the bottle while he's eating, or goes ahead and shoves a finger or two into his furiously suctioning mouth, sending milk all down his face and into his neck-folds before it's eventually absorbed by my bra strap. If he's not doing that, he's pulling my shirt halfway down to my waist, yanking my hair, or just giving me an out-of-nowhere hook to my upper jaw.

He seems to be at that stage where part of the time he's purposefully moving his appendages and the other times they are just wildly flailing around like squid tentacles, totally out of his control. We recently bought a Miracle Blanket (cannot recommend this product enough, by the way; if you're into swaddling it's the next best thing to wrapping your child in duct tape, not that I have, ah, ever fantasized about doing such a thing) and its sheer effectiveness at roping his crazy arms down so he can sleep in peace gives me pause: would it really be so bad to tie down a baby's arms for, say, the entire day? Because I can only take being punched in the face so many times by a 90-day-old human without starting to feel like a total wuss, and also, my bra smells.

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