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When I was your age: Sharing your life experiences with your teen
Categories: Teens & tweens, Health & Safety, Alcohol & Drugs
Last summer, sitting on a beach together, my closest college friend and I watched our four little ones splash in the water together. As we laughed together over old times, we wondered if our kids would ever be able to get anything past us. Looking at them then, building sand castles, all youth and innocence, it was hard to imagine them even trying.But some day, they'll be tweens, then teens, then (gulp) college students and adults. And at some point, they're likely going to ask us some pretty difficult questions. They say that experience is the best teacher, but is sharing your own life experiences really the best way to teach your child a life lesson? Or does telling your kids that you [fill in your own inappropriate/dangerous/illegal behavior here] just give them license to try it themselves?
Among the experts, advice seems to be absent and what little there is is mixed. But the Washington Post has an excellent article exploring the topic and the pros and cons of sharing this kind of heavy information with your kid. What do you think?
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 1)
Karen 5-09-2008 @ 4:36PM
I lean toward admitting you made mistakes, but not going into the details of those mistakes.
Mine is just a tween, so I haven't been point-blank asked the tough questions yet, although we have discussed the tough topics. But when or if she does, I expect her to respect me enough to not want the nitty gritty details.
She is aware that I had a very different life from hers growing up, and that the lack of stability in my life encouraged me to make some choices that I should not have. She has an entirely different life and I see no need for her to make the same mistakes. She has seen some of the difficulties and consequences of my actions and it has been compared to others that didn't make similar choices. My goal is to encourage her to make the right choices and to see the consequences of her choices even when they aren't so obvious.
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Sabrina 5-09-2008 @ 4:48PM
My kids are still very young, but I remember that when I was about 13 years old my aunt told me things that my mother expressly said she'd NEVER done as a teenager/young adult and it made me pretty mad. I don't think hearing the details would have done me any good, but if my mother had said "You know what? I did ____ at your age, and I really wish I hadn't, and here's why." it might have helped. I might not have felt the need to hide things from her so much, and it might have helped me get the information I needed to make a few better decisions. I hope that when my kids start asking me tough questions and presenting me with scenarios their peers are in that I can give them more first-hand information from my own mistakes, without totally obliterating the parental authority.
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Alyssa 6-22-2008 @ 8:59PM
I'm a teenager right now (16) and my mother and I talk about her past and I'm glad we do. She tells me that she had sex for the first time at 17, and that she did try drugs and drink when she was in highschool. I agree parents should share with their kids but not give the details, but I do think most parents are a bit hypocritical when it comes down to it. They use excuses about why they did it and I've even heard of friend's parents saying that the only reason they smoked pot or drank in highschool was because it was what they were supposed to be doin in highschool. And those are the same parents who freaked out when my friend called them and asked them to come get her from a party because their was alcohol. She admitted to having a drink of a beer and that was it. Yet they freaked out about her even being at a party, when we were told there would be no alcohol.
I understand parents want to keep us protected. But they need to understand that kids are going to experiment. And if they let us know they experimented a little when they were in high school and we see that they turned out just fine, and WISE, then we are going to think, what is wrong with experimentation as long as it is just that? I for one have experimented. I've smoked marijuana, I still smoke ciggerattes (I am trying to quit that though), I have drank, and yes, I have had sex-more than once. And since my mom told me about her past, I have told her about mine. We talked about it.
And my mom told me she would really rather me not do anything, but she knows that people learn from experience, and she gave me rules.
There have been times she gave me permission to drink smartly, and I know to call her anytime I have even the smallest sip of any alcohol. I know better than to drink and drive. I know that if I am going to be having sex, (which I am, because it is my body, and my decision) then to be safe about it. I know that if I am going to do drugs, I better not do anything besides weed because the rest have far more bad consequences on myself.
And I know all this because we talked about her past and what happened.
Well jeeze-oh..I wrote a book! And before I stop, I'm going to say one more thing:
I'm sure people are going to write back to me and they are going to be people telling me that I'm a sinner, I'm going to get pregnant, I'm going to die, blah blah blah, and I dont care. Because I commented this to show what a teen's point of view is.
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