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Horrible toys children adore

Categories: Preschoolers, Kids 5-7, Kids 8-11, Teens & tweens, Playground bureau, Toys & games

The funny minds over Topless Robot blog assembled a list of classic toys that kids love and parents universally loathe and we came up with a few they missed.

Before you attend a birthday party, check this master list of toy no-nos to make sure you're not committing a toy faux pas.

The offenders include:

  1. Slime: the mucus -like substance that served no purpose other than to be a prop for a fake sneeze. Slime also wrecked havoc on clothing, furniture and carpeting and was sent to Earth by Satan himself.

  2. Fisher Price Corn Popper, aka "migraine on a stick": toddlers are mesmerized by the noise and action of the small balls bouncing inside the clear plastic dome and quickly learn that pushing the toy faster results in even more noise.

  3. Super Balls aka "bouncy balls" : These small, rubberized balls fly over a building in a single, awesome bounce but can also sail right through a window, as we learned in our house a couple years ago. (Although Bravia made an awesome commerical in San Francisco with a quarter million bouncy balls and the glass in that neighborhood seemed to remain intact.)

  4. Cap Guns: If play-acting a shooting spree isn't enough, there's the added bonus of a deafening sound effect if the gun is held close to someones head!

  5. Talking Dolls: We have no idea what people were thinking with the Tickle Me Elmo or Furby mania. Kids are noisy and repetitive enough, there's NO NEED for loud, annoying automated voices adding to the household aural overload.

  6. Socker Boppers: Inflatable boxing gloves created for kids to beat the crap out of each other. What could possibly go wrong?!

  7. Stretch Dolls: After the entertainment factor of pulling the arms and legs is gone, some wisenheimer ALWAYS suggested cutting the thing open to see what was inside. (I'm still not sure what it was, but it was syrupy and sticky and really stainy!)

  8. Legos: Fun to play with, not so fun to clean up. Because they came in many colors, you'd always miss a few but it was pretty much a sure thing your dad would find with the bottom of his bare foot.

  9. Hungry, Hungry Hippo: Marbles to lose on the floor AND a noise level equivalent to a construction site!

  10. Hi Ho Cherry-O: A game that rivals Candyland in insipidness but with the bonus of wee plastic cherries that fit perfectly up a preschooler's nostril.

  11. Perfection: If you don't beat the loud. bomb-sounding timer, the razor-edged plastic pieces will be flung up all over the floor, and under the furniture (See: Legos)

  12. Lite Brite: Before there was such a thing as computer graphics, there was Lite Brite. Many an hour was spent pushing colored pegs into black construction paper to be illuminated by the glow of a light bulb. And many a younger sibling ingested those pegs, but that was their own stupid fault.

What annoying toys have I missed?

Annoying Toys Kids Love(click thumbnails to view gallery)

SlimeFisher Price Corn PopperSuperballsCap GunsTalking Dolls

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