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Playing parenting by ear
Filed under: Just For Moms, Babies, Toddlers Preschoolers
I am one of those people who thinks it's awful when parents dish out unwanted advice to other parents, or even worse, non-parents, and yet sometimes I can't help myself. The other day I was horrified to find myself telling someone "if there's ONE thing I've learned about parenthood, it's that nothing is predictable! So keep that in mind: just when you think you've got your kid figured out, he'll change EVERYTHING!". Which, god, shut up, self, because I should clarify that the person I was speaking to did not in fact request my One Most Useful Piece of Parenting Know-How, I just up and offered that all on my own, and also, ALSO? I can't even follow my own advice, because even though the whole business of unpredictability is in fact true, I fall into a DAILY trap of thinking I know what the hell is going on in my own household and guess WHAT, I NEVER DO.
Hoo, sorry to go all CAPS LOCK on you, I'm just still reeling from a challenging couple weeks with the kids, where there was illness and then there was crankiness and the baby's started slobberingly gnawing his hands (no teething! no teething allowed! You're only 3 months old!) and wildly gagging on his fingers and I keep thinking he's hungry when he's tired and vice versa and my toddler has been oscillating between extreme cuteness and downright putridness and I feel like I've been plunged into jungle warfare lately, like where are the next round of bullets coming from, NO ONE KNOWS.
I guess it's mainly the baby's presence that makes everything extra crazy, because although Riley's mood can greatly change depending on such intangible factors as the number of oxygen molecules in the room and the position of the planets, he at least sticks to a basic routine of napping/sleeping/eating. In comparison, Dylan's the real chaos factor. Will he nap in short, frustrating intervals, or will he lapse into a comalike state for three solid hours in the middle of the afternoon, causing me to worriedly hold mirrors in front of his sleeping mouth? Will he milk-bong about a thousand ounces at this feeding, or will he daintily sip a few swallows and then loll his tongue out, totally distracted by the beige wall paint? Truly, even when babies start to develop schedules they are still a (pooping) mystery wrapped in a (spitup-coated) enigma.
So even though I clearly need to STFU when it comes to offering Helpful Little Parenting Guidelines, here's the ONE thing I KNOW is true: I am totally winging it over here. Seriously. I've been at this job for two and a half years and I swear it just gets more humbling every day.
What about you? Do you feel pretty confident as a parent, like you've pretty much got your stuff together -- or are you winging it too?
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ReaderComments (Page 1 of 1)
5-16-2008 @ 10:33AM
Jules said...OMG I was the first to question other peoples parenting before I had kids of my own. I have since apologized to my dear friends for passing judgment against their parenting skills. Having kids has been an extremely humbling experience and I have and will continue to make mistakes. No, not mistakes, but lessons to be learned...over and over..and over.. Oh, and I no longer give advice to other mommies, I just offer my own experiences because it really is true that each child is different, complete and utterly different from the next. I wouldn't have it any other way. Being a parent is THE HARDEST JOB YOU"LL EVER LOVE!
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5-16-2008 @ 11:54AM
momtofour said...Honey, I don't know a single parent who has it all together. Everyone I know is winging it. And the best piece of advice for new parents IS "that nothing is predictable". (Except the fact that that is the only thing that you can count on.) I think that every parent should be told that while their children are still very young. And that when the hugs and kisses come along from your very small child that they make everything worth it.
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5-16-2008 @ 12:25PM
kate said..."although Riley's mood can greatly change depending on such intangible factors as the number of oxygen molecules in the room and the position of the planets"
You are a very funny and talented writer.
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5-16-2008 @ 12:31PM
Chalsey said...Right now with my 16 month old I feel that I have things pretty much together. No everyday is not the same, and the unpredictable does happen. But right now I am pretty confident.
BUT! End of August or early September baby #2 will be arriving, and I am scared to death! I know I won't feel anywhere as confident as I do now. I hope I don't go crazy!
I get a lot of unwanted advice from parents and non parents. I just smile and say thanks. I try my best not to give it out unless I am asked!
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5-16-2008 @ 1:21PM
Suburbandaddy said...Now that I have three, I know waaaay more than I did a few years ago, but I still wing it every day. Just when I think I've got something figured out - like potty training, or bedtime, or sharing - it all gets mixed up again.
http://suburbandaddy.com
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5-16-2008 @ 1:21PM
kim said...Though mood and food preference is never predictable, I know that there are a few things with my 20 month old that I can always count on. Milk, poop, drool and sleep. Other than that...I could have a baby ANY SECOND now (please jeebus, please?) and am prepared to catapult back in time to the sleepless cycle of the zombie. Nothing is ever predictable and I say the predictable is BORING. Thank goodness we have little time terrorists to keep our days flying by, even at the times we feel we are moving at a snails pace.
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5-16-2008 @ 3:55PM
Shannen said...I'm a mom of 3 and yep, I thought I had everything under control the last couple years...my littlest is 4, middle is 6 and THEN my oldest turned 13. OMG, who is this child? I'm thinking now that the baby years were a breeze and the teen years are when all hell breaks loose, so yeah, ya got that to look forward to. All I can say is, "I hear ya!" Oh and send help :)
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5-16-2008 @ 6:08PM
queenoqueens said...The great thing about parenthood is that by the time you have a phase figured out, it's too late...the phase has passed. Oh wait...that's the bad news.
Unpredictability is true. But it doesn't matter if it's great advice or not.....people don't understand it/believe it until they go through it themselves. So talk away...it's not really sinking in anyway.
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5-17-2008 @ 8:44AM
CLM said...I feel pretty confident that I am totally winging it. I have 10 month old identical twin boys who delight in swapping personalities at a moment's notice, 2 dogs who are completely FREAKED that the boys are mobile, and 4 cats that enjoy adding to the daily chaos. On the other hand, I have a truly DH who pitches in without being asked (thank you o great deities). What cracks me up is that other people seem to think I have it together. Then again that's really all any of us is aiming for, right?
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5-24-2008 @ 1:43PM
Lori said...Three and half years into this parenting thing and everyday is a new one for me. I'm 7 weeks from having baby number 2 and totally freaked out about it. Yes, unpredictablitity is predictable, but at least there is something to said about routine - which is what my 3.5 year old and I have now - with some expected unpredictable and winging it moments mixed in. When I'm at home with two of them, I'm predicting I will freak out because I think I'm pretty good at winging it with one, but two? Yikes! The one peice of advice that people tell me - or more like they issue a warning and it absolutely drives me nuts is "how much your life will change with two". DUH! I know that already and I don't need to have a special talent of predicting the future to figure that out. I'm well aware of my status and how life will change - I just want to know how, specific to me. I'll know soon enough, I guess.
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