Dan Bucatinsky: More Than I Can Chew
Would you, should you tell a friend?
Filed under: Toddlers Preschoolers, Preschoolers, Medical Conditions, Development/Milestones: Babies
I recently attended a party for one of my son's friends, and found myself slipping into teacher mode as I watched a particular little boy interact with the other kiddos there.
In my opinion, this child was likely on the autism spectrum, exhibiting numerous spectrum behaviors from extreme noise sensitivity, and rigidity about everything, to throwing numerous and extreme tantrums over things most kids don't even notice ("She is making a beeping noise, so I just can't play by her.")
The child's parents seemed to be unaware that he may not have been behaving typically for his age. In fact, both parents were regularly justifying his behavior, suggesting that "all kids are OCD" and that his bursting into tears when everyone was singing happy birthday (too loud) was something any kid might do.
And I get it. If he was my kid, I'd probably be doing the exact same thing. No parent is really ever ready to learn that their child might not be typical.
Nearly one in a hundred children are diagnosed with autism, and the disorder affects boys far more than it does girls. The causes are still unknown, although some believe that it may be linked to vaccinations and even to things like an early exposure to television. The disorder can affect everything from the way a child is able to interact socially, to how he or she is able to learn and grow and later become an independent adult.
With that said, there is so much that can be done with early intervention for children who are on the spectrum. And I I felt torn about saying nothing (which is what I did.)
Would you (or should you) ever tell a friend that you think their child might be _____? Fill in the blank: be on the spectrum, have a reading disorder, have ADD, or even be gifted for that matter. Is it ever right to step across this unspoken boundary, especially if it might be in the long-term best interests of the child?
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
5-19-2008 @ 3:05PM
kate said...Interesting question - I wish I had more of a choice about tell or not tell. I'm a school psychologist and find that when I'm "off the clock" I'm never really off the clock. I am often asked by parents in a social setting what I think about their child (or friend's child) - is this normal? is what their teacher said/did right? is it just their school?, etc. - and it is often the parent who would otherwise "write off" their child's behavior. Or seem that they don't notice their child's behavior is off.
It annoys my mother-in-law, but I often beg-off like others have commented. ". . . I'm no expert with early childhood or elementary aged kids, professionally the things you are concerned about could be nothing or could be something, talk about your concerns with your ped/teacher/school, free evaluations are available . . ." Yeah - my MIL wants a diagnosis, though. :-D
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5-22-2008 @ 2:22PM
daizees said...I say tell, but with the right spin. My son is autistic...and he displayed symptoms from birth. Sensitivity to smells, sounds, light, eye contact...vaccinations had nothing to do with it. By the time he was 2 we were so frustrated that I was asking everyone for help with discipline. I had no idea he was autistic; never dreamed. I knew something wasn't right, but I was still shocked to hear those words. My son is now 10 and has come a long way since we started intervention programs. He started kindergarten in a regular classroom (he goes out for certain classes) and he works at grade level, making A's & B's! He's a hard worker and we're so proud. But my point, as you already stated...the younger intervention starts the more effective the efforts are and the better quality of life the child will have. If the child is young, you might try the "is he ready for the class room" approach; and recommend a program for identifying areas of delay, vs. a diagnosis. I don't know about other states, but in Florida we have the Child Find program through the school system. They don't diagnose, just identify areas of delay; and then recommend education and services that will get the child ready for the classroom...that's much easier to swallow.
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