Dan Bucatinsky: More Than I Can Chew
Grandparent views on breastfeeding
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Mona Ackerman, contributor to Huffington Post and "shrink" as she calls herself, has a few choice things to say about breastfeeding. Ms. Ackerman is also a grandmother. Recently another grandmother wrote to Mona in dismay over her daughter-in-law's "incessant breastfeeding" of her nine-month-old grandchild.
The new grandmother couldn't understand why this was necessary all the time. The grandmother also wondered if the "marathon" breastfeeding wasn't taking away from the daughter-in-law's other priorities such as the household duties.
I'm sorry, but is this woman for real? What century does she think this is? The grandmother admitted to being perplexed and at least had the courage to ask if she was in the outer corners for feeling these things. I also agree it was a good thing to be able to admit such hesitations. Still, what business of it is hers whether or not her grandchild is breastfed? She had her children, and made her choices at that time based on social norms, the wisdom of the day, and what her doctor told her to do. A woman's choice to breastfeed or not is her own business, not anyone else's.
Mona Ackerman seems to agree with me--at least the part about getting with the 21st century--but she's a lot nicer about it. Say what you will about the great breastfeeding debate, but Ms. Ackerman also brings up an interesting point many of us probably hadn't considered: the generation gap, and how glaring its wideness becomes when social issues come up--breastfeeding, war, that kind of thing. Grandmothers didn't necessarily breastfeed, while their children (or children-in-law) are more apt to do so.
As a result, they just don't "get it." I also wonder if the grandmother in question isn't displaying some other kind of issue with the fact that it is her daughter-in-law making the decision and not her own child. My mother, for example, would never have questioned my choice to breastfeed. Of course, most moms might not voice such opinions to their own children, but rather save it for the Mona Ackermans of the world.
So, what does grandma think of your choice to breastfeed or not? Is she vocal? Is it limited just to grandma or is grandpa weighing in too?
Breastfeeding pic by timtom.ch.
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ReaderComments (Page 2 of 2)
5-30-2008 @ 2:19AM
Heather said...My mother or my MIL are not in my life. My stepmother was very supportive because she breastfed at least her youngest. My FIL seems to be supportive, he has never said anything about it that was negative at least not to my face. My husbands really large extended family is a mix of breastfeeders and bottle feeders. More breastfeeders though, so I haven't received any negative comments about my choice. I'm really lucky!
Oh and nursing on demand, which sometimes seems like every hour the first six months is not a bad thing. I discreetly nurse in public, but I don't nurse my son when he wants to be defient. That's absurd. He's 11 months old now and has naturally moved to nursing just about 4 times a day, with each meal and bedtime. Normal! I just don't see how keeping a baby happy by nursing them could be a bad thing?
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5-30-2008 @ 3:29PM
Judi said...I agree that nursing on demand is a good thing, but it has its limits, at least after the first few months. I was really talking about the moms who would rather nurse their baby than try other means of calming first, unless it's been 2-3 hours of course since the last feeding. I've seen babies who let out a peep and immediately get the breast. What they really may want or need is cuddling, talking to, walking, etc. When a baby is nursing once an hour for 3 or 4 minutes at a time, the mom may need to wait longer in between to build up the milk supply, and the baby may need to learn that it's ok to sleep for a couple of hours at a stretch. Or there may be an underlyig medical issue that needs to be dealt with. Obviously I'm not talking about kids with health issues, like premies. I know what it's like to nurse literally around the clock. One of my children needed medication 30 min before each feeding, then I'd feed him, then he had to be propped for 1 hour after he ate. For 6 months I slept, sort of, with him in bed with me in a car seat, and when we were up with my other 2 children, I wore him most of the time in a snuggly. We could have avoided that if we were willing to have him undergo surgery, but our doctor said if I'd try this we could maybe avoid the surgery. It worked. So I'm obviously all about doing things as naturally as possible. But as a mother of 4, day care provider, preschool teacher, and grandmother, I also believe that at some point children need to learn that immediate gratification is not always necessary. I'm not talking about newborns, I'm talking about toddlers.
5-30-2008 @ 1:02PM
gason miner said...Grandparents aren't the only ones who like to breast feed. I enjoy my wife's breast milk daily. It goes great on cereals and in shakes. A good source of protein as well. I sometimes give it to guests and they don't even know the difference. A good, cheap source of nutrition. YUM!
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5-30-2008 @ 8:13PM
Elizabeth said...My mother encouraged me to BF, just not in front of anyone! I have to leave the room and BF my daughter whenever my brother-in-law is over so he doesn't feel uncomfortable. So I sit in a room by myself for a half an hour while I feed her. And my mother even went so far as to make a big production and stand and hold a blanket between me and my father-in-law so he wouldn't see me trying to latch on.
What is great is that my father-in-law and his family, my dad, and even my grandmother think that it is great what we are doing and do not mind me feeding my daughter! It makes the experience so much more pleasant.
When I mention that I BF in public, my mom gets this horrified look on her face like I just did something horrible - then she asks, "Did anyone see!". If her over-reacting wasn't so annoying, it would be funny.
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7-19-2008 @ 11:10PM
gloria said...Taking away from her houshold duties? what the heck?! the first and number one priority of any parent is their child. What household chore is more important? And I agree, it's okay for a grandmother to suggest but that's all she gets, how her daughter-in-law wants to raise her child is her business.
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