I would tell him to get her focused on healty stuff with out harpingonher weight. get her to try some sports, the rule in my house is you ahve to play at least one sport and play one instrument.
adopt some house rule that allows her to become more active - and you must lead by example - you must be more active as well.

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Like Raquita said, rather than saying anything to the girl, the dad could let his actions speak louder than words. Start adopting a household-wide series of healthier eating & lifestyle habits and see if she picks up on these.

There are lots of subtle little things to "up" the activity level without this necessarily seeming like "exercise." Washing & waxing your own car(s), for example, is a great way to have some fun family time on a Saturday morning (before it gets too stinkin' hot to go outside) and save quite a few bucks in the process. With 2 or 3 people working on this, it doesn't take long and the pride everyone gets from having a clean & shiny car is an immediate reward.

Likewise, maybe make plans to clean out the garage and enlist help from the kids. Chores are only "chores" if you fail to put a fun, teamwork spin on them.

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Seriously, dad needs to take a little responsibility. What he said to his daughter is awful. He needs to get off his keister and do something.

What about find an activity that he and she can do together? Like cooking or planting a garden. Or maybe some physical activities they can do together, like hiking, walking, biking or sailing? And perhaps these activities could have a long-term goal. Like, they could plant as many different kinds of tomato plants they can find and talk about how all the tomatoes look and taste differently. Or if they bike X number of miles, they can plan a trip to bike around, say Prince Edward Island and visit the sites in Anne of Green Gables. I realize a trip like that might not be realistic for everyone, but there could be other equivalents.

Seriously, that dad should be ashamed. He needs some lessons in imagination.

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Agreed. Harping on the weight issue will only make a child feel even less in control and more at the whim of what makes him/her feel good -- junk food. The thing to stress is exercise, physical activity, and healthy eating habits. Get the junk food OUT of the house. An eight year old may be able to trade with a few friends at school lunch, but that isn't going to contribute significantly to a weight problem. She is eating it at home, purchased and provided by the parents, for breakfast, snacks, dinner. If the parents are committed to keeping it healthy, taking family walks, going for a swim together, joining the Y and signing up for some fun classes, doing chores together, and keeping the junk food out of the diet, everybody will benefit. The weight will come off easily and healthily. There is no need to tell a child that they're fat. There is often a need to tell parents that they are being lazy in not providing a healthy environment (yes, it takes effort) and modeling a healthy lifestyle to their children. It is as important a lesson as reading or looking both ways before you cross the road. And the benefits or losses will be reaped for life.

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This is so heartbreaking. Telling her she's heavy won't work. At 8, she knows this. What about a family weight loss camp? It's a big expense, but it will give her tools she can use all her life. This really is a case of actions speaking louder than words.

--Jamie
www.travelsavvymom.com

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When my 6 year old goddaughter was overweight (yes very much so) her parents didn't harp on things; she was the only one in the family that was this way and it truly was her eating habits. She was active, but could match her dad at eating and would snack all day.

So, they began educating everyone, especially her, on healthy eating habits. They began making her aware of "are you really hungry or are you bored?" or "do you really want third helpings or are you just eating because it's there?" She was very quick to catch on and change her habits and soon (withing months) didn't have to shop in the larger section.

Both parents had always been active with their children and supported their activities (soccer, t-ball, gymnastics, etc...). But what changed most was that daddy made an effort to do something physical with the girls everyday: ride bikes, practice baseball, took a walk, etc... Did the girls know what he was up to? Nope! But they benefit by getting to spend more time with daddy; and he does as well.

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She can only be overweight if her parents let her be. She's 8, so she eats what her parents cook for her and what they allow her to eat. I don't understand how this parent cannot understand what to do, it's so easy.

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I feel bad for this dad. I've never been in his position myself (Both my kids are actually rather thin and I spend most my time trying to do whatever I can to get them to pack on the pounds). I think his comment to her wasn't the right thing to say at all, but I'm not going to grill him for it either. He knows it wasn't nice to say, but it sounds more like he's reaching out for some help. Instead of calling him names and putting him down, let's try and find a collective answer for him. I know a few parents of overweight children and let me tell you they are going through a battle to keep them from eating. It's one of the cases where the kids eat simply because they're bored, however the only thing the kid wants to do is eat. They have gone through hell trying to come up with every imaginable activity and method under the sun to make active things more enjoyable and appealing as well as cutting down on the kid's intake. Unfortunately it's been a war more than anything else because the kids just don't want anything to do with it.

I think for him the best advice is certainly try and get his daughter into any sort of active thing he possibly can (Hopefully her interests line up with at least one or two things). The next step is to simply limit her intake or perhaps take it down in small steps until it reaches a healthy level for her.

While I don't like his comment to his daughter, I've seen parents and especially fathers, who are in his position that are totally at their wits end with it and honestly don't know what else to do. We still don't know what he has already tried, and how she reacts to it. At least he's acknowledging that it's a problem and wants to do something about it, instead of just ignoring it like many other parents.

I also am not one of those people who believe that everyone must be thin to be pretty, there are people who I know who are overweight and it almost is what makes them who they are and I couldn't imagine them any other way. But I also see it as a major health issue for children. While it may seem mean in one way to strive to get their weight normal, I see it as something health related and not beauty related.

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I was an overweight teenager and I wish even now that my parents had hurt my feelings just once. Maybe I would have tried harder. I knew I was fat but I wasn't aware how bad it was. I was 17 and around 175 pounds. That's pretty bad. Anywho, I was an active kid, it's not like I sat on the couch, I just chose the wrong foods and such. My parents were no help, they ate the same way and were overweight themselves. I guess they figured because I was in activities and marching band and all that then it wasn't a problem, but it was.

I feel that as a father, he shouldn't tell her stuff like that at such a young age. As a father he should enroll her into some kind of activity like kickboxing or swimming/water polo. As a father he should take her out to the park and "go for a walk", buy her a dog that he and her can walk each day, introduce her to healthy eating. As a father he should be a role model, along with her mother, so that she can model them, so that without words they can show her what it is to be healthy. Make things like walking and running fun, play tennis, go out as a family and get some excersise. Those are things that were never introduced to me as a teenager, school took too much time but my parents could have made family movie night, family batting cages/mini golf night instead. At 8 years old I was playing kickball with the neighborhood kids, riding my bike up and down the street every night, walking my dogs in the evenings, playing basketball with my dad....it was when I got to be a teenager and school, friends, and tv seemed more important than going out to "play" ( I was too old to play lol) that's when it all went down the tubes for me. Encouragement and examples go a long way in the eyes of a child. I guess you get the drift...

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There are 3 main causes for being overweight:
OVEREATING.This is the 1st thought of most people on seeing a fat person. In fact, it is the least common cause in children. As suggested above it would be a good idea for Dad to model a healthy diet. He may need to consult a dietician with a record of what his daughter does eat. The dietician may be able to suggest foods that should be reduced or avoided.
INSUFFICIENT EXERCISE. This has become commoner with the coming of TV, the Internet and computer games. There have been some excellent suggestions on how Dad might encourage this.
A BODY METABOLISM THAT FAVORS OBESITY. Some experts
say this is the cause in 60% of fat children but there is no cure.

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I think some parents jump the gun when worrying about a child's weight. Sure childhood obesity is on the rise, but a little roundness in the face or belly may just be a pre-growth spurt stage. They're kids not super models, we shouldn't expect six-pack abs and waif-like jaw lines.

I mean, how sad would it be if it were only normal development but dad's self-esteem diminishing comments created a problem where none existed before?

So I agree with everyone who says create a healthy lifestyle and keep the comments to a minimum. If she's overweight, society will point it out to her soon enough.

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Geesh... she's only 8? Tell her nothing. It is up to the parent to provide healthy meals, so do it. Prepare well-balanced meals for her. She's young and will adjust soon enough to her new cuisine.
She may be more receptive and adjust quicker to healthy eating if she is included in its preparation.

The rules in our house for mealtime are:
- No dessert unless you have finished most your dinner (but all of your vegetables).
- Whatever I cook for dinner is what's for dinner -- nothing different will be offered.
- You can have whatever you'd like for dessert or a snack, but you have to have a piece of fruit first.

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If someone has a fat child under the age of 14, that has to be the parent's fault(unless in the extremely rare case that the kid is genuinely ill... which is almost never the case, no matter what excuses the parent makes). You can police what your child eats at that age, and you should. My parents were pretty strict with fruits and veggies(lima beans and papayas... gross) and sweets and I never felt "deprived." Make produce interesting and serve some sort of salad consistently at meal time; I've yet to eat a vegetable that doesn't taste amazing when sauteed in a tiny bit of olive oil with garlic.
I know this is so unbelieveably obvious, but why not excercise with your child? Take a walk every day, rollerskate on weekends, find other families and play baseball, something. There's something parents used to do when I was a young that might help: send your kids outside to play! They will not be raped, kidnapped, or badly injured. Most people that commit crimes against children are usually "trusted" family members and friends(of the parent, not child), but people ignore this fact and keep their kids inside(with Grandpa Diddles) out of misguided fear. Enroll your child in a neighborhood sport team and have them walk/walk with them to practices and games rather than drive. A mile is only a 15 minute walk, and you'll have that time to communicate, teach your kids about directions, common sense, and impart long-lasting lifestyle habits.

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It is very difficult to be an overweight child. I am a pediatrician who runs a child and adolescent weight management practice in New York. I have a daily blog on which I give tips on how to prevent your child from becoming overweight and how to help your overweight child learn healthy habits. Please feel free to read my blog and post any questions you may have.

http://www.childweightlossmd.blogspot.com/

Joanna Dolgoff, M.D.

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