Life with a nearly-3-year-old
Enjoying the simple things in life:
"I happy to be holding this blue cup!"
Following a thought to its logical conclusion:
"Daddy goes poop on the potty like a big boy and he get an M&M? A GWEEN one?"
Criticizing parental music abilities:
"No WHISTLING wight now. No SINGING. Hey you guys, dat's enough!"
"I want some milk, please. Please, right now. Fank you!"
Learning cause and effect:
"You going exercise, get all sweaty, needa SHOWER? Mommy's socks SMELLY?"
Torturing the household pets:
"Eeeeeeeee! It's the kitty, Mommy. Say: meow meow! I pull her tail, okay?"
Fashioning artful excuses:
"No, I can't pick up dat toy, I'm too little."
"Dat's a TWO PUMP camel right dere."
Revealing someone's foul language habits, probably his father's:
"Mommy? I have a, um, shiddy diaper."
Working on his standup routine:
"What TIME it is? Eleben? Oh, I thought it was BOOTY TIME."
Specific mealtime requests:
"I want a peanut butter and peanut butter sandwich, Mommy. No jam! Just peanut butter. No jam wight now, okay?"
"You have a booboo, Mommy? I kiss it, it all better."
"Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go? Where Daddy go?"
Start by teaching him that it is safe to do so.