Mom gives public punishment for 12-year old accused of bullying
Categories: Teens & tweens, In the news
A 12 year-old boy who bullied a fellow classmate and stole his iPod will have to cut the grass this summer at his school. That's the punishment his school doled out. His mother had something else in mind.
Believing that her son, Montavious Lewis, needed something more severe to get the message through, Bertreice Dixon decided that an afternoon at a busy intersection spent ringing a bell and wearing a sandwich board bearing his transgressions would be more effective. The get-up also included a plastic hat with the letter "D," for dumb, a description of his actions, she says.
According to Dixon, Montavious was trying to be "tough in front of his friends" and she says she is trying to save him from going "down a road where [he's] gonna end up in prison or dead."
She insists that it is love that motivates her: "This right here is showing him how much I love him, and hopefully he'll take it into consideration and don't do it again."Far be it from me to question her love, but watching the news footage is disconcerting, to say the least. On camera, Montavious shuffles up and down a grassy area with his sign as the camera captures him discreetly wiping his tears. Compounding his humiliation, the local Arkansas news station interviewed drivers as they passed by. They also interviewed Montavious. My heart nearly broke in two hearing his voice crack during his interview as he tried to keep from crying. It's very hard to watch.
But it is harder to be a mom scared that her child is in danger of becoming a criminal statistic?
Is this tough love or psychological abuse? Is her punishment excessive or does she know her child, his history and environment better than we do? Is she a heartless authoritarian mom or a champion of the ethos of personal responsibility?
It was only a few months ago that I wrote about the third graders who were plotting to kill their teacher. In that column, I called for parents, not schools to be the front line of discipline and character building. I stated that in order for schools to do their job of educating our kids, parents first needed to do theirs. Many parents and even more teachers weighed in, agreeing that too many parents are absent, disengaged and unwilling to discipline their kids.
When we hear the latest child crime story or tragedy, we rightfully ask "Where were the parents?" Well, this parent is pro-active and engaged and like most moms, she feels like she knows her child and what he will respond to best.
The truth is, my parenting style couldn't be more different. I pride myself on honoring my kids' dignity and I go to pains to make sure that their punishments (which consist of either time-outs or the restriction of a cherished privilege) is appropriate for the transgression. When I do enforce a punishment (i.e. everyone gets a treat after church except the child who misbehaved) I can assure you that it hurts me to see those tears more than it hurts the child who didn't get to go to Dairy Queen. I'm sure it was not easy for Bertreice to do this and I commend her for taking responsibility for her child's actions. On the other hand, I can't help but think that her choice of punishment is too harsh and probably counterproductive.
This situation is a tough call. My heart goes out to Montavious, but it also goes out to his mom. I have not walked in her shoes -- or her neighborhood.
I think she is sincere in trying to protect her child from a life of crime and she is willing to go to extraordinary lengths to that end. If I can't relate to her choice of punishment, I can at least relate to that.
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Reader Comments (Page 1 of 38)
ninainindia 6-03-2008 @ 8:30AM
I think we didn't see the same video. Except for the tears he didn't seem very embaressed and the way he talked about what he had done and said "I apologized" as if that should have been enough made me think this was not punishment enough.
He stole an iPod, that's not nothing. I don't understand why the police hasn't gotten involved. Aren't there special programs for children who are at risk of becoming criminals there?
Reply
goldy 6-04-2008 @ 12:23PM
Don't be too critical of mom here. I am old school when it comes to discipline. I have 3 grown children. All productive citizens. No drugs, no criminal activity. Just hard working taxpayers, trying to raise productive children of their own. Their biggest fear, growing up was that I would find out about a transgression and that, they dreaded. As parents, we have to find the appropriate punishment when children get too far out of line. I have my doubts that this young man was consistantly punished when he needed it. If he had been, then we wouldn't be talking about stealing and bullying. Maybe mom has woke up. Hopefully not too late.
John 6-06-2008 @ 6:35AM
Too many parents don’t do anything to teach their kinds a lesson. Respect, discipline and honor have been replaced with greed, self importance, and entitlement for many of the youth of America. Parents need to do everything fair and unfair to insure there little bastards done grow up to become leaches on the rest of society. This mom was only doing what she fair was right to get the point across. Fair or unfair she made a choice and I can’t fault her for it. To many parents don’t make the choice. Choosing has become hard and unpleasant, no one wants to be the bad guy.
don delong 6-06-2008 @ 7:48AM
Poor kid; he had his feelings hurt. Doesn't that mother know never to hurt your child's feelings? All she had to do was to sit down and five him a "good talking to". Why should he have to suffer just because he made someone else suffer? Alter all, he is a kid and just needs to grow up a little. This idea of making a child pay negative consquences for their behavior would make childern very unhappy.
If you are over fifty, you know your parents did not worry about your self-esteem. They expected you to behave and when you didn't you paid the price. The slap on the butt or getting no dinner or losing your allowance didn't wreck most of us.
Kim 6-06-2008 @ 8:54AM
If he stole and bullied to look good "in public," in front of his friends or kids at school, then it seems like mom's public punishment does fit the crime. She targeted his motivation for what he did, and corrected it. I just wonder what kept him from walking off the street corner. What would she have done then?
Scott 6-06-2008 @ 8:06AM
Anyone who says that just "a good talking too" or "taking away a privilege" is what should have been done is crazy. Maybe when the child is under age 8. When they get older the parent needs to make a point. She is an active parent in her child's life and she is punishing how she sees fit. She did not beat the kid and she did not hurt so others should keep their opinions to themselves.
Don't give me this "she hurt his feelings crap." She handled the situation and I bet her son learn a lesson. Good for her.
mj 6-06-2008 @ 8:22AM
I'm willing to bet the author of this piece has young children.
Here's a news flash for ya: time out won't work on any child over the age of 8 or 10, even then you're pushing it. What will your line of punishment be then?
I applaud this parent--like others have said, she's trying to keep her kid from a life of crime, or worse, death. I wish her much success.
Atom 6-06-2008 @ 9:22AM
I am not that old, but agree with the old schoolers. I have 4 children, and so far they are pretty good. I give punishment as necessary. I am happy that your method of "give a treat when they behave" works for you, but I would suggest that our ever growing prison population (the highest of all the developed nations) is a testament that this concept over the last 1-2 generations is a failure. We are no longer teaching our kids to behave because it is the right thing to do, we are teaching our kids to behave so they get a treat. What happens when the treats are no longer good enough....over 1% of our population in now in jail!
Kelli 6-06-2008 @ 8:40AM
I'm sorry, but I agree with the mother of the child. Its about time the parents got involved with their child or children. They send the badly behaved kids to the school expecting them to dicisiplin(sorry spelling I know) AND THEN GET MAD WHEN THEY DO! Kudos to the mother!
Jo 6-06-2008 @ 8:44AM
I feel that struck punishment should be enforced in such instances, but I also feel that what the mother did in this situation was cruel and unusual punishment. She tried to teach her son not to bully or harass people by publicly bullying and harassing him. Things like this can sear a child's conscience and actually make them less sensitive to others... especially a hat with the letter "D" for dumb on it. If this is how this child has been raised then no wonder he treats others the same way.
Brandy 6-06-2008 @ 8:48AM
See that's the problem with African-Americans in this country. We try to emulate white peoples behavior in all areas. Yet, with our kids it can have drastic consequences. A child growing up in inner-city Detroit can't be put on "time-out". That dosen't scare or intimidate a child that has seen more than most adults in America. You have to punish your child so that they so fear the next one, they wouldn't even think of a bad or immoral behavior again.
kerry 6-06-2008 @ 8:59AM
I'm with John. Parents sparing their kids dignity, feelings and pride have gotten us in this mess of a bunch of self-absorbed brats. I have 4 great kids - 3 of them teens. I get sick of working my butt off and getting a sob fest or snarl for asking for help with dishes, trash or any other chore. It is a constant battle to instill grace and good character in these people!!!
Tracy D.Williams 6-07-2008 @ 7:40PM
I agree that he seems only sorry that his mother punished him and embarassed him. I think her punishment was very appropriate. Now he can feel as embarassed and helpless as his victim did. I don't agree however that the police should gert involved. He's 12 and any chance to change a deliquent without giving them a record should be taken. If his behavior continues, then they should arrest him. Judging by the mother's current actions, she won't have a problem doing that either.
Heather 6-06-2008 @ 9:05AM
I totally agree with this moms actions. If someone steals he should be punished for his crime. I think that if I were in her shoes I would do the same thing.
smoothguy101 6-06-2008 @ 9:12AM
WHY IS IT THAT WHEN WE SEE A PARENT ADMINISTERING PUNISHMENT WE TEND TO SIDE WITH THE PERSON GETTING THE PUNISHMENT AND FEELING SORRY FOR THEM? WHEN GROWING UP IN THE BRONX MY PARENTS WERE VERY STRICT AND GAVE OUT BEATING WHICH TODAY WOULD HAVE GOTTEN THEM JAIL TIME, BUT IF NOT FOR THOSE BEATING I KNOW I WOULD HAVE ENDED UP IN JAIL OR DEAD, JUST AS SO MANY OF MY FRIENDS .AS A PARENT TODAY I SEE THE BENEFIT OF SUCH PUNISHMENT, AND WOULD DO SO TO MY CHILD EVEN AT THE RISK OF LANDING IN COURT DEFENDING MY ACTION.A LOT OF PEOPLE WOULD SAY THAT IS NOT THE WAY TO RAISE A CHILD IN THIS TIME AND ERA,I'D SAY, LOOKING AT YOUTH TODAY, WE HAVE 14YRS OLDS CARRYING GUN AND KILLING PEOPLE FOR CHANGE OR SNEAKERS.I WONDER IF THEY WOULD BE DOING SUCH CRIMES TODAY IF THEY HAD PARENTS THAT WOULD HAVE THEM WALKING WITH A SIGN THAT STATED THEIR CRIMES???
me 6-06-2008 @ 9:14AM
I'm with you, nina. Did we see the same video? When did I miss the voice crack? Aren't you supposed to be uncomfortable and embarrassed during punishment? We also don't know how often this child gets into trouble like this. A seven year old boy where I live recently stole a car and wrecked it after a police chase and stated to the police and cameras, "I did it because doing bad stuff is fun." Think time out will work for him, too?
mom3.0 6-06-2008 @ 9:31AM
I'm sorry, but the person who wrote this blog is a cremepuff. You take treats away from your kids as punishment? Wow, if they get a treat EVERY week after church and after their meals too I wonder if they'll be part of the obese nation. Is it a reward for being good at church? Because then you're bribing your kids to worship God and that's another issue for another time. I think that the parents who DONT punish their kids are the ones who should be looked down upon if anyone should be at all. And you mention going to church in your blog...and doesn't the bible say "Spare the rod, spoil the child"? This mother did what she thought she needed to do to protect her child and I support anything that is not abusive in punishment. Good for her and maybe it got through to him and quite possibly his friends as well...
Therese 6-06-2008 @ 9:29AM
As parents, we are damned if we do, and damned if we don't. I had thought I was a decent parent as my children were growing up. Everyone received much love and structure, as we could give. There were rules to be followed. We didn't drink or have heavy parties in our home. We were all about family being together.
I know I was at least better at it then my husbands first wife. Heavy drinker and drug user and allowed my step son at 15, to date a 36 yr.old women with 3 children of her own. Yet, my step daughter (16)who no longer lives with her mother, wants to see her now more then ever.
I don't have any answers at all. You can have a child who comes from the worst of families, turn out to be great kids. You can have a child who comes from what is considered, the best of families, and they go down the wrong path. It just never ends...I don't see things ever getting better in this world, for us or our children. Try as we might, there are always going to be parents (married/single), that never grew up themselves. These are tough times to be raising children.
Kath 6-06-2008 @ 12:28PM
As a mother that raised 4 wonderful men I absolutely believe that this mom did the right thing. At age 12 my sons may have heard my voice but actions definetely spoke louder than words. I applaud this woman! It will be a deterent the next time he feels the need to "show off" for his buddies
Stacy Jones 6-06-2008 @ 11:11AM
As a parent of three boys I have been fortunate to never have had any trouble with my young men but I think it's because I was a no nonsense mom. The young men in this case needed to one be taught a lesson and two feel the humiliation that the other child felt when his/her possession was taken. And his mother is right if she does not take action now the police will have no problem taken action on him years down the road. I would rather discipline my child beforethe police feel they have to. GOOD FOR YOU MOM!